Awareness is an Important Key to Being a Great Parent

Children (more than ever before) are being shown images of violence, drug additions, and sexual intimacy� on television, movies and the internet, and through magazines geared towards teenagers.

Nearly seven years ago, I nannied for a household that included 5 young girls ages 7-18 years. The middle daughter was thirteen at the time and she really did not want me to be there.

One day we sat down together with her copy of Seventeen magazine. Right on the front cover was a title that said "10 ways to give your guy what he wants". We chose to read that one. One of the "ways" described, very graphically, how to perform an oral sex act and surprise him with something to finish it off. Right when I noticed the content the article was trying to get across, I quit reading aloud and she insisted that I continue on reading. I was bewildered and completely disarmed - I couldn't believe that a magazine for teenagers would have something like that in it. The information given in that magazine was something I have never heard of and I had been older than 30!

Now, the talk we had after reading that magazine article was one of the most significant and memorable discussions I've had with a teenager. Because we had looked at that article with eachother, we had the chance to really find all the feelings and thoughts that the article called to mind. She let me talk to her, and I talked honestly with her. As a result of that unexpected encounter, she received me fully in her life, and continues to trust me and confide in me. She went from resenting my presence to valuing it.

I shared this incident with her mother as soon as I was able to - revealing to her the content of the magazine she bought for her daughter, and telling her how I talked to her about it. A few moms would have been angry and would have let me go right then and there. This mom was grateful to me and asked for my support in furthering her being available to talk to her children concerning things that parents would prefer not to talk about but know they should.

The most important thing in my mind to being an effective parent to a child (no matter how old they are) is TO BE AWARE. This means being involved of things to which your children are being shown AND what they are thinking and feeling about it. With that awareness comes a want to communicate and share with each other.

Children that know that both mom and dad are understanding, believe that they're important. They receive the idea on a deep level that their parents love them. Children have to know that the things the think and feel really matter, and that their parents are there for them in the times that they need them most.

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Emily Bouchard, MSSW, offers a free ezine to help step parents. Also check out Emily's blended family website.