Behavior Modification- It IS Possible

Behavior Modification just like behavior management & Anger Management is misnamed. Humans, as you would expect, resist getting modified or managed. People are a lot like springs: the harder you push the harder their resistance. The better approach is Self Modification as a form in a Manualized Cognitive Restructuring Workbook. Cognitive Restructuring if performed correctly has the gift to dig deep and fix flawed thoughts and self defeating behaviors. The following story is an example of a cognitive restructuring text.

Amy was incessantly afraid of Cord. She couldn't do right. He had strong muscles and when he lost control in livid anger, his arm was a fatal weapon that might kill her with one blow. Her 128lb frame had very little defense.

Amy kept him from his sexual fantasies and craving for other women. Consequently he would incite in her the behavior that he didn't like so that he could excuse his belligerent actions. He convinced himself that she was the problem. He was always concentrating on her deficiencies while in all actuality she was a loyal, talented, educated woman and nurturing mother.

Amy was one of numerous other women and men caught up in the fog of abuse, twilight existence of terror, worry and uncertainty. Different from attack by a stranger, strong bonds of attachment and involuntary brainwashing keep the victim connected to the abuser in an everlasting pattern of violence.

Domestic violence is a disease �� that is, it is embedded deeply in one�s life. It creates various symptoms and, unless the disease is eliminated, the symptoms will persist.

1. Can you name a few of the symptoms or outward signs of domestic abuse? _____________________________

2. How come domestic violence is more emotionally hurtful than violence by someone you don't know? ___________________________

3. How did Amy overcome her disease? ____________________________________________________________

4. What happens if her and people similar to her don�t permanently cut the ties through full separation but stop attached to their abuser? ___________________________________________________________

5. Severing relationships can be terrifying and it can hurt a lot. Why should we avoid judging those who continue on in abusive relationships? __________________________________

The abused need encouragement, not disdain. T or F?

6. How can you sever the emotional ties of a disastrous marriage? ________________________________________

VALIDATION

To really comprehend the deep gulf of domestic violence, a person must comprehend the high that one gets through interdependency, where both partners have their hierarchy of emotional and physical needs fulfilled. Satisfying a person�s Hierarchy of Physical needs - oxygen, water, food, clothing, housing � isn't tricky, but meeting someone's emotional needs is a different question. Take the following test:

Using a scale from 1-5, rate your marriage in the last two years.

� Need to be loved - My partner deeply loved me; He/She was always there for me.

� Need to be validated � I was encouraged and praised by my partner. He/She made me feel like a good person.

� Need to be affirmed � My partner made me feel important; I was making a difference.

� Need to be understood � My partner listened to me; What I said was understood.

� Need to be appreciated - My partner appreciated what I did for him/her.

� Need to be secure � I had a home; I felt safe and secure in my environment.

Total=

Excellent: 30-24

Problem: 23-17

Harmful: 16-6

7. What was your score? ____ Which bracket (excellent/problem/harmful) did you fall into? _________ What does it mean? Does anything need to change?_______________

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Larry Lloyd is the founder of American Community Corrections Institute (ACCI), which sponsors a blog on the subject of criminal behavior and related issues.