How to Successfully Modify Behavior

Behavior Modification just like behavior management & Anger Management is misnamed. People, as you would expect, resist being modified or managed. People are a lot like springs: the harder you push the harder their resistance. The best approach is Self Modification as a form in a Manualized Cognitive Restructuring Workbook. Cognitive Restructuring if performed properly has the gift to go deep and adjust flawed thinking errors and self degrading behaviors. The following story is one example of a cognitive restructuring text.

Amy was incessantly afraid of Cord. She could do no right when Cord was near. He possessed strong muscles and whenever he lost control in irate anger, his hand became a lethal weapon that could destroy her in one hit. Her 128lb frame was little defense.

Amy stood in the way of his sexual fantasies and longing for different women. Consequently he would stir in her the actions that he didn't like so that he could excuse his actions towards her. He had fooled himself into believing that she caused all their difficulties. He was frequently concentrating on her deficiencies while in all actuality she was a faithful, gifted, knowledgeable woman and nurturing mom.

Amy was one of numerous other women and men entangled in the fog of maltreatment, terrible existence of fear, anxiety and confusion. Different from attack by an unfamiliar person, tight cords of attachment and involuntary programming keep the victim infinately connected to the abuser in an on going habit of abuse.

Domestic violence is a systemic disease �� that is, it's fixed in one�s life. It creates scores of symptoms and, unless the sickness is removed, the symptoms will continue.

1. What are a few of the symptoms or outward signs of domestic violence? _____________________________

2. Why is domestic violence more emotionally harmful than abuse by a stranger? ___________________________

3. How did Amy get rid of her disease? ____________________________________________________________

4. What occurs when her and women similar to her do not cut the ties through complete separation but stop attached to their abuser? ___________________________________________________________

5. Severing relationships is often terrifying and painful. Why shouldn�t we judge those who linger in abusive relationships? __________________________________

The abused really need encouragement and support, not disdain. T or F?

6. How do you cut the emotional ties of a disastrous marriage? ________________________________________

VALIDATION

To completely comprehend the deep gulf of domestic violence, a person must first comprehend the high that one gets through interdependency, where both partners get their hierarchy of emotional and physical needs met. Fulfilling someone's Hierarchy of Physical needs - oxygen, water, food, clothing, housing � is not difficult, but meeting a person's emotional needs is another matter. Take the following test:

Using a scale from 1-5, rate your marriage in the last two years.

� Need to be loved - My partner deeply loved me; He/She was always there for me.

� Need to be validated � I was encouraged and praised by my partner. He/She made me feel like a good person.

� Need to be affirmed � I really felt important around my partner; I made a difference in his/her life.

� Need to be understood � My partner listened to me; What I said was understood.

� Need to be appreciated - My partner really appreciated everything I did for him/her.

� Need to be secure � I had a home; I felt safe and secure in my environment.

Total=

Excellent: 30-24

Problem: 23-17

Harmful: 16-6

7. What was your score? ____ Which bracket did you fall into? _________ What does this mean? _______________

NOTE: Use of this article requires links to be intact.

Larry Lloyd is the founder of American Community Corrections Institute (ACCI), which sponsors a news blog about criminal behavior and related issues.