Happy Divorce Honey

It’s an event that you’ve been looking forward to for years. It took you a long time to take that all important, enormous first step to get the ball rolling and when you eventually did things kind of snowballed. It’s been a long and drawn out process and now it is finally over. You didn’t get everything that you wanted but then neither did he. At least you were treated fairly, really you can’t ask for more than that. And now you’re free and you want to celebrate. Is that weird? So what. The people that you’ll invite will understand. They’re the ones who stood by you throughout the whole thing anyway. You all need a big relaxing shindig to mark the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. You are going to have a party. And you’re going to go large, do it the proper way, hire an events coordinator because you’ll be damned if you’re going through the added stress of planning something like this after what you’ve just been through. And why not? You deserve it.

You and your coordinator decide on a masked ball theme. You’ve always wanted one and but you always thought that they were a bit too fancy for anything held at home. But now you figure, what the hell, it’s your night. You want masks so you’re having masks. Next is the colour theme, which is quite hard to decide on considering all the options and the fact that you like so many colours. But you want something rich and decadent so you go for baroque red and purple with flashes of silver here and there. The menu is easier to decide on, butternut soup to start, chicken and fish as meat options, sugar snap peas, sweetened carrots, sweet potato, creamed spinach, roast potatoes, cauliflower and broccoli bake and pumpkin. Desserts are trifle, caramel mint tart, and chocolate mousse. You leave the décor, the music, the seating and the invitations up to the coordinator, after all that’s what you’re paying for. You will provide each table with 2 bottles of wine but the bar will be cash. After all you’ve just come through a divorce and you’re not that rich.

The coordinator checks in with you periodically in the weeks and days leading up to the party to keep you informed as to the progress made and to keep you up to date on the guest list. Sometimes you check in on them, just to keep them on their toes, although it hardly seems to be necessary because they are very professional and on the ball. They have even organised costume hire so that guests who rsvp can arrange costumes directly through them. You, of course have had your costume for ages. You look like Catwoman, only better.

The day of the big event arrives. People swarm all over your home turning it into a baroque treasure trove, you barely recognise it, it looks so exotic. It’s exactly how you imagined it would be. The day wears on and the lighting is sorted out, the music gets set up, the caterers arrive and take over your kitchen with the minimum amount of complaint at the restricted space (which really isn’t restricted at all but caterers aren’t happy unless they complain about something and its usually the space). The coordinator leaves a manager in charge of the event to oversee everything and to handle anything that may come up, a team of waiters and waitresses arrive to walk around with trays of snacks and to carry drinks from the bar. Soon you have to change into your costume because it is nearly time for guests to arrive.

Your guests arrive dressed as everyone from Marie Antoinette to Strippers from Moulin Rouge, from Batman to Billy the Kid. They loved the invitations, they love the theme, and they love the décor. As the night wears on they love the food and the wine. They love the music and they love dancing. Everyone dances. Everyone toasts your freedom and dances some more. Everyone agrees that you are well rid of whatzizface, toasts you again and has another round on the dance floor. By 6:30 in the morning everyone agrees that it was the best happy divorce party that they’ve ever been to and they can’t understand why people don’t have more.

By 7:30 that morning, when everyone has gone and you’ve wriggled out of your Catwoman costume and slipped into your baggiest pajamas and into bed, you set you alarm for 14:00 and smile because you don’t have to clean up. The coordinator will be here at 15:00 with a clean up crew and all you have to do is sip coffee and watch. All parties should be so easy.