Why You Shouldn't Drink a Pint of Cocktail through a Funnel!

You may think by the title that this needs little or no explaining, but after my recent experience I feel it my duty to warn you should a similar situation present itself to you.

It starts off a normal night drinking, nothing out of the ordinary. Drinking, laughing, music, you know the norm. Then out the corner of your eye you see someone sporting a shiny plastic golden medal with the words 'winner' branded on the front. I eye up the shiny medal, feeling slightly jealous as I don't have one. More drinking ensues. Then another person is sporting a medal just like the first. Now I REALLY want a medal! I ask the bearer of the medal where he got it from, a cryptic message follows "you haven't earned a medal". Now I don't REALLY want a medal, I YEARN for a medal. I beg the bearer to allow me to earn a medal, he leads me to a room where there is a chair in the middle of the room.

I am placed upon the chair and a cocktail is mixed before my eyes, multiple shots of Jack Daniels, rum, countless other spirits, and beer are mixed together to fill exactly 1 pint glass. A funnel is then thrust into my mouth and the contents of the pint glass poured into the funnel. GOD IT BURNS! I brave the burning sensation and drink the cocktail as fast as possible among the chants from the surrounding people. Within a few seconds of the lethal cocktail being poured in to the funnel it was gone and the medal was now mine! For a while I sat content knowing that I had earned the prize of prizes, a plastic shiny medal sporting the word 'winner'.

The feeling of content and pride didn't last long til it was replaced with the words 'oh god'.

My vision started to disappear in the EXACT same fashion as the end scene of Terminator 2. First it narrowed in the horizontal plane, then the vertical, then disappeared with a 'pop'.

That's where my memories end. You may think I passed out and while I wish that were true it wasn't. My body carried on while my mind had shut down.

It starts with people trying to get me into bed after they found me to be uttering complete jibberish and making no sense whatsoever. After numerous attempts to get me to stay there I finally settle down only to warble away at the top of my voice in the fashion of an enormous Mogwai.

Embarrasing enough you might think, but oh no, it gets better. For some reason, in the middle of the night, I must have thought it was a good idea to come downstairs where a few of the more sober guests still remained IN ONLY MY BOXER SHORTS! A sight and a half at best, I'm not the smallest person and the sight of my naked belly is enough to stop darts in mid air! I then proceded to make myself comfortable next to the host and repeatedly punch him in the leg, all I can say is it must have made sense at the time. After the assault I took myself off to bed and slept like a baby only to have my antics retold to me in the morning amongst a HUGE headache, which could only be topped off by the fact that it was revealed to me I was caught on a camcorder throughout the whole ordeal! GREAT!

Well let that be a lesson to one and all, if you see someone sporting a shiny plastic 'winner' medal, try to ignore it because it'll end in tears!

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