Soho Pubs - a Hand-picked Guide

Coach and Horses

Undoubtedly the best pub in Soho. Don’t expect to find a clean glass. Don’t expect to get served unless you can be forceful enough to push your way to the front. When you get there, be prepared to shout your order at the Italian or East European bar staff – and don’t forget you’ll be drinking either Stella or London Pride. The latter is one of the country’s best pints of bitter, thanks to the taste of the Thames at Chiswick. Pint in hand (lunchtimes you may be able to perch at the bar with a pickled egg), proceed outside to the pavement opposite, sit down against the back wall of the Palace Theatre, ancient home of Les Mis., and wait for the visual assault – beggars, performers, octogenarian theatre goers, and all the ragtag rabble of Soho workers drinking themselves into a stupor before stumbling off to a party or a sex show. Enjoy!

Greek St, W1

Bricklayers Arms

A pub with a really small bar. Glaswegians will like to tell you (when they are extremely drunk and repetitive of a Tuesday morning just after opening time) that they once knew a place with a really LONG bar. I mean really, really LONG. Well, the Bricklayers wasn’t it. So you have to be on your toes to get a space, but the staff know this, and if you get demoralized into thinking your drink will never be drawn, there’s a rather longer bar upstairs. Rather like the C&H, this is a pub for Soho regulars, but in this case it’s a bit more off the beaten track, therefore rather more civilized, and well worth a visit for a good tight conflab with a mate over an excellent Sam Smith’s.

Gresse St, W1

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The Toucan

This place is niche, insofaras you won’t find anywhere better for a pint of Guinness. But if the black stuff isn’t your thing, it’s still worth a look for curiosity’s sake, as the pints of velvetine black liquid will be lined up well in advance of orders by multiple taps all serving just one beverage, a production line of Ireland’s favourite tipple. On the street outside (it’s often difficult to get through the front door, and if you do, it’s usually claustrophobic inside) you’ll have a glimpse of Soho Square, where the young workers of London’s most vibrant district pause for 5 minutes at lunch, look up at the trees waving in the wind, try to ignore the rumble of buses up and down Tottenham Court Road, and wish they weren’t slaving their guts out for fifty pounds a day. Sup slowly, and dream of the Emerald Isle.

Carlisle St, W1

The Crown and Two Chairmen

This used to be purely drinking. In 2006 it had a revamp, with pretensions to offer food. As Soho is so full of excellent places to eat, it’s surprising to find top quality traditional pubs trying to break this market. But while the Crown and Two might not have the finest or cheapest menu on offer, it still retains its old Soho boozy atmosphere. It’s difficult to say how, exactly. Perhaps the old soul of a pub never quite dies. Perhaps its regulars don’t like to shift to new stools. Perhaps their reputation for maintaining clean taps is deservedly kept. Whatever you think, be sure to drop in. It’s historic.

Dean St, W1

All Bar One

I’m reviewing this to tell you that pretty much any other pub in Soho is better. If you really want to scrape the barrel, if you hanker after going home with a minger, if you want to tank up on ‘beater and get lifted through the livestock in the arms of four steroidally overdosed bouncers to do some maximum-force pavement kissing before pulling yourself to your feet and having a go at putting someone you’ve never seen or talked to before into casualty, or if you just want to put paid to the paltry remnant of brain cells drifting around your genetically inferior skull, then make a special trip to this awful place. You will meet your wildest expectations. You will excel yourself as pitiful scum. You will deservedly wear the crown of least discerning drinker. Welcome to the Club of Fools!

Charing Cross Road, W1

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