Coffee is Health Food

My very last vice is no longer a vice at all. Coffee drinking has now been deemed healthy. Two studies are out that prove this, one study shows that coffee is actually good for your heart and the other that it\'s chock full of antioxidents. That\'s right! Turns out that your daily cup of Joe has the same benefits as eating a big, giant basket of vegetables and fruits, maybe even a couple of baskets. Recent studies have shown all of this recently.

This might be the first time that I\'ve heard of anything like a nutritious drug, but I\'m all for it. A couple decades back there was a scientist (Durk Pearson) who suggested that alcohol could be made less deadly if it were vitamin fortified, you know, Vodka with Vitamin \'C\'. Nobody seemed to go for that at all, especially not the government, because isn\'t Vodka fortified with Vitamin \'C\' called a screwdriver?

The news about coffee was quite a relief to me, since I kind of thought that my coffee habit would\'ve been considered bad and I really wasn\'t about to give it up even if Einstein had come back from the dead and told me it caused war, famine and plague. That would\'ve been just too bad, because I\'m too much of a grouch in the morning without it.

This isn\'t just a theory on my part, either. At a former job of mine, people wouldn\'t even talk to me until they had verified that I\'d had my coffee. They would come up to me with a question, hesitate, then ask: \"Have you had your coffee yet?\" If I said \'no\' they would tell me to \'never mind\' and walk off. It took me a while to figure out that it was probably because I was unbearable otherwise. After realizing this, I was hurt, and troubled that co-workers thought I was unpleasant. Then it occurred to me that this might not be such a bad thing, because inevitably the question they\'d be bringing me was some problem or other and if I never admitted that I\'d had coffee, they would go away and so would the problem.

It worked like a dream - for awhile. Then they would just go get me my coffee for me and then pester me with whatever they wanted me to deal with. At this point I\'m pretty sure that if I never had another cup of coffee again I would be permanently grumpy. That wouldn\'t be a problem for me, of course, but pretty much everyone else would beg to differ.

My relationship to coffee is very much a love/hate thing. For instance, I love how coffee makes me smarter, which another study showed. But I hate how it keeps me awake at night when I\'m trying to have lovely dreams. Most of all what I hate about it is how it makes me pee all the time. I constantly feel like a five year old who has just barely learned how to control my bladder - or a ninety year old, take your pick.

Where I work now, I alway make the coffee in the morning. It\'s such an easy and cheap way to bring joy into so many peoples\' lives. And you know what?

I\'m all about joy. If you\'re all about joy I have a suggestion for you. Drink lots and lots of coffee every day, because those studies that prove it\'s healthy? There are going to be studies that prove it\'s unhealthy again any day now, so enjoy it before it becomes a vice again.

Steve Sommers is the author of REXROI, and Evil Super-Villains need Love, Too ... and other important wisdom. (Both books can be viewed by simply clicking on the titles)