Learn To Lose Weight, Stop Smoking? There Is A Secret Formula That Guarantees Success

For most people, the trail to personal change and self-improvement is a long and winding boulevard filled with intricate barriers. Drug companies in particular have capitalized on and created gigantic fortunes based on the elusive search for the "Magic Pill" that will fix everything. As it turns out, there is a secret formula for success, and it begins in the unconscious mind.

One of the presuppositions of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is that "there is a positive intention behind all behaviors." And based on that presupposition, when it comes to successfully eliminating negative behaviors, there is a formula that we should keep in mind. I'll let you in on the secret in a minute. But I have a riddle for you to solve first.

Riddle: A holy man made his son drink lye, which burned out his vocal chords. What was the positive intent behind his behavior?

If you are like 99.9% of the clients who have visited my office since 1978, you'll angrily say something like: "There isn't any." But you would be 100% incorrect. To answer this riddle, you must separate the behavior from the positive goal of the deed.

The minister's son was cursing. And the preacher believes that if his child curses, his soul will be condemned to Hell. So the answer is that the preacher was burning out his child's voice box so that he couldn't curse. By doing so, he was saving his child's soul from being destined to Hell.

The secret formula for personal change works as follows:

We should always value the positive intent that motivates each behavior. If we have an urge to employ a behavior that we don't like, we can easily get rid of the impulse to use that behavior. What we must do is to find a different behavior and substitute it in its place. To be successful, the new behavior must be as available and effective at accomplishing the same secondary gain, but be more consciously tolerable to you. This is called a REFRAME.

When clients come into my office, the first thing I do is to take a detailed case history. In this instance, let's imagine that they come in and ask me to help them overcome their appetite. Experience tells us that the two main reasons that people eat too much are: (1) to tranquilize themselves; (2) because eating can be a conditioned response. For example, if a person eats while they are watching TV, they will develop a conditioned response, and thereafter, every time they sit down to watch TV, they'll get cravings and an urge to eat.

However, the above answer only takes into consideration the possible secondary gain received from the eating behavior. What if they also have another behavior that is involved in the equation? For example: What if being fat is also a behavior for this person? I can hear your mind spinning right now as you think, "Being fat isn't a behavior, what are you talking about?"

Sorry but you could be entirely incorrect. Here is one classic textbook example that will demonstrate the fact that being fat can be a behavior. It can be a behavior because it can accomplish positive outcomes.

Example: A woman is deeply in love. Her partner leaves her, and her heart is broken. Her subconscious wants to shield her emotionally and keep her from having her heart broken again. So it motivates her to get fat to keep her out of relationships. That way she won't get her heart broken again.

The point is that everyone is totally different. And sometimes there are elements at work that cause neurotic behaviors. These are elements that are different for each person.

Here's another case: A woman comes into my office complaining of an uncontrollable compulsion to eat way too much at mealtime. During the case history, the woman explains to me how she has never been able to satisfy her dad.

We did an age regression, and one of her early memories was of having dinner with her family. And dad was insisting in an angry voice that she finish all of the food on her plate, even though she was full. So she cleaned her plate because of fear, and dad praised her for finishing all of the food. It was one of the only times in her life that she could recall her father telling her that he was happy with her.

Shoot forward to present day. Her father has been deceased for years, but the unconscious program he installed is still functioning. She still has an urge to finish everything on her plate, even if she is feeling stuffed, because by cleaning the plate, in her unconscious mind she is getting dad's approval, and eliminating her fear!

So if you are finding it difficult to make personal changes, you should remember that there is a positive intent behind all behaviors. And the formula for success is to alternate a different behavior that will accomplish the same secondary gain, but in a manner that is more consciously satisfactory to you, as an individual. The most effective way to get your subconscious to accept the responsibility for making this kind of alteration for you is through an NLP Six-Step Reframe.

Alan B. Densky, CH is an NLP Practitioner. He began his practice of hypnosis & NLP in 1978. He offers an interactive NLP Six-Step Reframing CD on his Neuro-VISION NLP website. Also available are his Free hypnosis article library, hypnosis & NLP newsletters and MP3 downloads.