Do you make your child feel guilty?

Criticism, nagging and scolding by parents -in harsh or soft words, on major or minor issues-destroys the self esteem of the child. But it may also rouse a very dangerous feeling in the child -that of guilt. This feeling of guilt can distort the way the child thinks about himself.

How do you react to his ‘mischief'? Children are children. We often lose our patience when they act their age. But little do we realize that our repeated remarks like ‘every time you go out, you create a fuss for having something or the other' or ‘you are such a stubborn child' can make the child feel guilty of being a ‘trouble maker'. As a result he may become conscious of his actions and gradually stop expressing himself.

How do you deal with his unreasonable ‘wants'? Children don't understand why he cannot have everything he
wants nor that one should pay to get something. But when children insist on taking some toy from the shop or somebody's place or bring home something without the knowledge of parents, mostly parents criticize the child for being greedy or accuse him of stealing. This makes the child doubt his intentions and feel guilty for being mean.

How do you take their naivety? Innocent remarks by children may cause a rift between the parents or the family members. Blaming the child for causing misunderstandings makes him feel guilty for the unhappiness caused to you. Don't burden your little child by holding him responsible for issues arising in the family.

How do respond to his failures? When parents express their disappointment or how ashamed they feel when the child loses in a competition or doesn't
score good marks, it is the ultimate blow to his self-confidence. The child begins to feel he is not good enough. And he'll operate all his life from the understanding ‘others are good, I am bad'.

How do you make him realize his mistakes? While disciplining the child, parents indulge in soft emotional blackmail like ‘we love you so much, we have given you everything, still you misbehave or don't listen to us'. This can make the child guilty of being ‘unworthy'. He may feel he is someone who doesn't deserve good parents. Well, the fact is that every child deserves good parents and good parenting which is entirely in your hands.

The child who is weighed down by guilt can never rise in life. Hence, point out to your child his mistakes in a way that gives him the power to improve and not feel guilty of them.
For your parenting related queries, write to the renowned parenting expert Sudha Gupta at sudha_gupta@mothersprideonline.com Selected questions will win 'Celebrate Childhood' by Sudha Gupta. HAPPY PARENTING

About The Principal
Mrs. Sudha Gupta is an educationist par excellence and a visionary with a difference. Her expansive vision encompasses children, parents, teachers and the society as a whole. ‘To create a better world' is precisely how she explains her vision.

She has done extensive work in the field of education for the past 11 years. As the chairperson of 15 branches strong chain of preschools known as Mother's Pride, she has propagated the concept of holistic education that focuses on overall development of children namely academics, life skills and talents. To bring the concept of holistic education to formal education, she established Presidium with a unique vision of ‘Be what you want to be'.

Being a renowned educationist herself, she knew that only happy and motivated teachers could make her vision a reality. This led to the conception of ‘The Knowledge Tree', an academy which imparts new age expertise and skills required in teaching and school management. ‘Leaders in education' and not teachers is what she aims to produce.

Sudha Gupta is also one of the nation's most sought after parenting expert. As the chairperson of Mother's Pride chain of pre-nursery schools and Principal of Presidium Senior Secondary School, Sudha Gupta uses her 11 years of experience of dealing with parents and children to pen down some inspiring tips of positive parenting. She has conducted research on thousands of children and parents to reach some very effective methods of parenting. Sudha Gupta has written more than 1000 articles on the subject of parenting in leading newspapers and magazines like Times of India, Hindustan Times, India Today and Femina. She has authored several books on early childhood education and parenting, Celebrate Childhood and Jingling Rhymes to name a few. Her seminars, publications, T.V. and radio programs on parenting have transformed thousands of parents of Mother's Pride and Presidium, her staff of more than a thousand members and over a million of readers and listeners.

Mrs. Sudha Gupta plays another role with aplomb, that of a humanitarian through the NGO Sparsh. The NGO has so far touched the lives of millions of children, the elderly and women who have been victim of life and circumstance. Her next dream is to create a school for mentally challenged children as soon as possible.

Mrs. Sudha Gupta's work speaks louder than her words but it is an inspiration for everyone when she says ‘I want to leave this world a little better than I found it'.