Doubt And Concern With Your Divorce

Parenting through divorce brings about feelings of doubt and concern at times due to the lack of control and information about what happens when children are with the other parent. There is a desire to find out about everything that takes place at the other parent's house. Many times, the curiosity extends beyond the children and into the personal life of the former spouse.

Your children are not informants and should not be questioned for information about activities or relationships of the other parent. Show an interest in the activities your children are willing to openly discuss with you without excessive questioning. Showing no interest in your children's activities while spending time with your ex-spouse sends the message that you do not approve of your children maintaining a close relationship with the other parent, which will lead to guilt and loyalty conflicts. Your opinions regarding your ex-spouse and their new mate should remain positive or neutral to allow your children to feel as if they are a part of both families. The time spent with either parent should be viewed by everyone as time that should be enjoyed. It is crucial for the children to feel that everyone is trying to love them.

The key issue here is having respect for everyone concerned. It is far better to take the high road and give your ex the advantage of the doubt. Believing that they care as much about the health, happiness, safety and welfare of your child as you do. Handle the relationship as you would a business one. If your business partner is ten minutes late or has to reschedule due to another appointment or a last minute argument it is highly unlikely that you will make a disapproving comment. Do the same with the parent of your children.

Susan Woodard , M.S., LMFT is the author and owner of the court approved Positive Parenting Through Divorce workbook. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the Clinical Director of the Atrium Counseling Center in Broward County, Florida, where she has been practicing for over 12 years.