Toddler: Attention-Seeking Behaviors

Dealing with inappropriate or attention seeking- behaviors is a tough one, and it takes some time to master. Young children don't differentiate between negative attention and positive attention, a concept that is extremely difficult for adults to grasp. But, think of it on a primal or biological level. Children's bodies produce human growth hormone (HGH) when they receive attention. It is overly exciting to them to get attention and causes them to be happy, healthy, and surprisingly, to grow. It doesn't matter if the attention is positive or negative, they need it to survive.

Pick a day that you will start and make sure that you have time to follow through for as long as it will take. Remember that they are young and try to quickly redirect their attention if they start misbehaving. If they persist, then follow these steps.

Turn your back and make sure that you show no emotion or reaction. Punishments, warnings, and even a glance can reinforce the attention-seeking behavior. Make sure that you don't have your eyes on the child and that no part of you is touching them or even aimed slightly towards them. The first time you do this, you will probably get quite a show!

Make sure that your child stays safe. The child will have to test your boundaries to determine how big of a commotion they will need to cause the next time to get that growth hormone rush and satisfaction. So, be prepared to stick to your guns. Don't give in or you just taught them that they need to go to extremes to get your attention.

As soon as they stop, even if it's for a second, turn around and praise them for stopping the behavior. If they begin again, quickly turn your back again. When they stop again, hug them, hold both of their hands, pick them up, whatever you can do to get that hormone flowing! Repeat over and over how you're so proud of them for being so good/nice/big/etc. You want them to be satisfied by the positive reinforcement that was the result of positive behavior.

It usually only takes a few times to completely extinguish a behavior, even for children with disabilities, learning disorders and behavioral problems.

This is a two-pronged approach. Remember, you're not teaching them that a specific behavior is wrong; you're teaching them to seek out positive attention instead of negative. Spend about 10 minutes deliberately giving them positive attention, every hour. If you don't plan it, it can easily be missed due to household and personal responsibilities.

Use your time together to teach your child responsibility, too. Utilize the good feelings that you create and have the child associate that feeling with accomplishing tasks. This will help to love learning, work to finish things and to want to succeed. Have them organize toys in separate bins, hugging and cheering every time a toy goes in. Teach them something that they can be proud of, like folding wash cloths or hanging shirts on baby hangers and infant hangers. Make sure that they can be successful, and if they're not, praise them for trying.

Once you have a system for dealing with negative behaviors and your child associates attention with positive ones, parenting will be a lot more fulfilling and a positive experience for you and your child.