Finances and Marriage

Money is one of the most important areas of possible arguments in marriage and is without fail among the top four reasons for divorce. Furthermore, having a lot of money does not exempt couples from the pressure of dealing with money. Financial issues occur between couples across the economic range from wealth to poverty.

Couples who work together as a team and can reach agreement about financial matters are happier than couples that perpetually disagree about finances. Closely related to financial matters are two other important areas that couples must consider: career decisions and desired lifestyle. The result may be that one’s career goals and attainment of material wealth may conflict with their relationship goals. What is most important to you and do the two of you agree about that? Economic issues can dictate such things as working long hours to the detriment of the family, the necessity for a specific geographical location, the role of each the spouse in attaining the desired level of financial success, Do you think it's possible to "have it all"? A frank exploration of financial styles, expectations and goals is extremely important to marriage success.

Money means different things to different people. Financial attitudes often reflect one's most basic feelings about the world and are usually learned in one's culture and family of origin. Status, security, freedom and control are just a few of the things people associate with money to different degrees. Some people regard money as important for happiness while others regard it as merely giving a certain level of security. Some people are "savers"; others are "spenders". Some are open about money; some aren’t. Some people are OK with debt, while it frightens others and causes them stress.

Disagreements about money often reflect hidden issues of a couple. Money issues are seldom just about money, but rather about relationship issues like power and control, dependence and independence, commitment, and trust.

By considering what money means to each of you and how its meaning influences your financial behavior, you can begin to see the role that money will play in your relationship. These issues are behind many more concrete differences concerning finances. Once you've come to terms with your feelings about money, it will be less difficult to make satisfactory financial plans and resolve financial problems.