It was a really B-I-G slide and I was a little scared to climb all the way up that giant ladder. But, I took the challenge anyway and slowly climbed up - step-by-step - maintaining a tight grip on the guardrail and keeping my eye on my father.

When I reached the apex of the slide I carefully began to move from the ladder side to the slide side. But, that’s all I remember of that scene because when I woke up I was in my father’s arms. He was running down the street to get me home.

It was the late-1950’s. My father was a big man, one of the best athletes around. He was a cop, a policeman. Everybody respected him. The whole neighbor looked up to him. He was a handsome, intelligent, and personable man, good at everything he did and he had an intelligent and pretty wife.

I imagine that after I fell from the top of the slide, my father checked me. He found that I was unconscious. He scooped me up and started taking me home to my mother who was a nurse. He was frightened. I had fallen about 10 to 15 feet from the top of the slide. When I woke up – about half the way home, I was not surprised to be in my father’s arms as he completed the five blocks back to our house.

I will always cherish that memory. Because of that day and the trips to the barbershop where all the men seemed to straighten up when my father walked in, I’ll always remember that in childhood, my father was my hero. He was there for me.

A Date With Divorce

That was a crushing day. It was one that I will never forget and one that I would eventually repeat myself. The pain, anger and helplessness of that moment are etched in my memory to stay. I was eight and my sister was nine.

My mother called us into the living room. She and my father sat far apart. She told us that we were going to move and that my father would not be moving with us.

My father said nothing. My hero was silent. He was there, but not there. I assumed that his inability to move with us had something to do with the fact that he was a police officer and he had important work to do.

We all cried, just as my sons, their mother and I did on that fateful day 33 years later when I had to break the same kind of news to my own two sons.

But on that day, the earth seemed to stand still as the scene was frozen in the minds of those it hurt.

Beforehand, my mother must have anguished over how she would tell us and how we would react. As the ominous day approached she probably reasoned in her own mind - searching for a way to avoid the evitable.

My father might have wondered how he would look to us, if he would lose our love and what it would be like to be single again.

We left that last family meeting somehow. I have no idea what we did next. Did we eat dinner, watch television or go back to play in our rooms? Whatever we did, my life was not the same again. My family was broken. My heart was broken and I would soon begin to reap the consequences of the seeds that were sown that day.

I did everything I could to get time with my father, visit his mother - my grandmother, in the hope that he would come by. I’d call him on the telephone and of course I’d be ready when he was supposed to pick me up on Saturdays. Whatever I tried, my hero always seemed to be just out of my reach, ever so elusive. Never quiet there – even when he was there.

I still loved him, but that never seemed to be enough – especially when I turned nine and he decided to move – from a few blocks away – to Los Angeles - 400 miles away.

That day when my mother told me that my father was moving to a place where I knew I would not see him was more painful than when we were told that my parents were separating. I knew I would miss my father and I would miss my hero even more because he would no longer be there for me.

At the end of the letters that I wrote to him I drew special signs in triangles that meant that I loved him. He followed my lead and did the same in his letters. That’s why I used to look for him in the mailbox because that’s all the communication I had with him except for an extremely rare telephone call. I still remember what his triangle looked like. I thank God that my father kept up communication, but that was no substitute for him being there. When I fell, when I needed to learn how to fight or play third base, I was alone. He was not there to pick me up.

A few years later when he moved back to our neighborhood in Berkeley I experienced a great sense of relief. He was there, where I could find him, see him and talk to him. My hero was back, but still elusive, there, but not there.

On occasion he would help me with my paper route in the wee hours on Sunday morning by driving me around to make deliveries. I thought that was what fathers were supposed to do. But, he was ever so reluctant. In a tense moment he threatened to “knock me into next week” after I gave him too many instructions on where to go and where to turn. With his foot still on the brake, he stretched from behind the steering wheel into the rear seat of the car with his backhand raised in the air. I knew if he hit me that it was really going to hurt. But, I just looked at him looming over me – I hadn’t done anything wrong.

I didn’t need his help after that. I just wanted him to be there with me – but not his anger.

Years later I was surprised when he showed up at my high school graduation. I thought he’d have an excuse. But, he was there. I was excited, my father, my hero, was there for me.

Then he remarried – again – and I had to deal with her. Later in life she and I got to be good friends, especially after my father died – but at that time she was just his wife. With his new family, that meant less time with me. But I persisted because rejection was no fun. I’d take the bus or drive over to see him, watch the ball game, play some dominoes, borrow some money. He was there. But I had to go home afterwards.

When I was twenty-four my father rescued me again. This time, from the drugs, the loneliness, and the despair – all of that. He helped me get straight, get into school, get a car, get back on my feet.

I imagine that after I fell, my father checked me. He saw that I was unconscious. He scooped me up to take me home. He was frightened.

When I woke up – about half the way home, I was not surprised to be in my hero’s car as he completed the drive back to his house. He picked me up. He was there for me.

Eventually he would leave me again, for the third and final time. You know what they say, “three strikes and you’re out!” Cancer, the big C. It struck him down and took him away. My hero lay silent and still, cold and unfeeling, there – but not there. That day, it hurt too. But, I’ll always remember, my father – my hero.

You see, after a divorce or separation, things are never the same. For this eight-year old boy, my life seemed shattered at the time. Trying to recapture the hero image of my father meant having to deal with the pain of growing up without his everyday presence. But while he was not perfect, he was my father and my hero. He didn’t wear a red cape, he wasn’t faster than a speedy bullet and he couldn’t fly – but he could play dominoes, ping pong and cribbage – and he loved me.

Too many families are stuck in the generational curse of divorce that leaves broken family after broken family.

Broken Home?

The term "broken home" is not a misnomer. It is real, because the break in the hearts of those affects - is real. But, as with any broken-heart, it can be repaired. We can all get over it, heal and move on to have happy and productive lives.

Many a hero is made in this situation as fathers rise from the ashes of destroyed marriages and fruitless relationships to actively nurture, train, discipline and love their offspring.

The key is to be there … even if you are not there.

The author, Akili Kumasi, tell us that: “Being a father is one of the greatest rewards and one of the most significant challenges a man can face. No father should miss this God-given responsibility and blessing.”

Akili Kumasi (Contact: info@rfathers.org, www.rfathers.org), father of four, founder of RECONCILED FATHERS - helping separated father reconcile with their children, author of four fatherhood books, Fun Meals for Fathers and Sons (co-authored with his two sons), On the Outside Looking In: Hope for Separated Fathers Who Want To Be Good Fathers, Bible Word Search, Volume III: Fathers in the Bible, Fatherhood Principles of Joseph the Carpenter.

If someone were to take a survey of home sellers, I am sure that two of their chief concerns would be "how to get the highest price for my house" and "how to sell my house quickly." After being in real estate in Southern California for over 33 years, I have seen many home sellers and home buyers grapple with these issues. Continuing from Part I: How to Get the Highest Price for My Home, in Part II of this article below, I'd like to share some of my thoughts on how to sell your home in the fastest possible time.

HOW TO SELL YOUR HOUSE QUICKLY

Pride of Ownership

The most important quality that buyers look for in a potential home is "pride of ownership." When there is pride of ownership virtually all buyers recognize it's value, and most buyers will pay for it. When selling your home, be certain it reflects value for its asking price. Buyers will often pay full price for such a home, and may even compete to buy it!

Pride of ownership is most easily displayed to buyers (and agents) through the condition of the house and the information about the house that the seller is willing and able to share with potential buyers. When both of these elements combine then you, the seller, are prepared for a quick sale.

Maintain Your Home in Model Condition

If your home is in need of repair or maintenance, put your home in model home condition. Ask your agent to help compile a list of improvements which will excite prospective buyers - and real estate agents. To achieve an early sale, everything on the list should be completed before your first showing. I repeat - don't allow your home to be shown until all improvements have been completed!

Why is this so important? Once your home is on the market, the first people to see it are likely to be other real estate agents. An "agent open house" or "office tour" is one method your agent may employ to gain exposure for the property.

If other agents see unsightly carpet, or sense that pride of ownership is absent, they may never return with their buyers. Once that happens, you will have lost one
of the best sources of ready buyers.

The more obvious impact of offering a spotless home in model home condition is the effect it will have on families who see it. They want to buy a beautiful home, so be sure that's what you have to offer.

Most homebuyers would agree that a home which sparkles with pride of ownership is considered a real prize, while one which shows evidence of abuse is to be avoided at any cost. In fact, buyers often compete to purchase homes which offer top condition and real value in exchange for their asking price.

Is there a message in all this for those planning to sell their home? You bet there is! Don't take shortcuts when selling your home. Don't try to gloss over minor defects, nor ignore major ones. Today's homebuyers are sophisticated, and quickly recognize poor quality.

Imagine you are the buyer and you are considering a particular home which caught your eye. It seems to offer everything you wanted. Upon closer inspection, however, you notice a collection of drain cleaners, solvents, and clog removers under the kitchen sink.

What if the furnace pilot light is kept company by several dozen burnt stick matches. What if the air conditioning filter hasn't been replaced in five seasons and looks the part? Would you suspect problems?

If there is a water spot on the ceiling of the downstairs bathroom, would you buy the home without checking the floor of the upstairs bath just above it? If in doubt about the structural integrity of the home, would you be likely to continue your search elsewhere? The slightest visible defect can raise a red flag, causing the buyer to reject your house in favor of another. Offer your home in first-class condition and buyers will pay your price!

Just the Facts

Home buyers often make their purchase decisions in one of two ways: 1) based on emotion, or 2) based on fact. Either way, if you are the seller, you can help them make their decision.

Some buyers have a clear picture in their mind's eye of the perfect home. They can almost see it, touch it, and feel what it would be like to live there. They are likely to make a fast decision to buy, the moment they set foot in that "perfect" home. If your house is in model condition, this will clearly help those buyers to make a purchase decision.

Today, many homebuyers are much more sophisticated than just ten years ago. They make purchase decisions based solely on cold hard facts, not conjecture. These buyers often seem difficult to satisfy because they ask so many questions. Not so. Satisfy their need for accurate information, and they will also act with reasonable speed.

For those buyers who want the facts, the best defense is a good offense. Be prepared to answer their questions, backing up your answers with proof. You can have a dramatic effect on how quickly your home sells, by the information you provide.

Once you've chosen an agent to represent you, ask what information should be provided to buyers. The agent should be able to provide a "laundry list" of questions asked most often. Once you know what information is needed, get started right away. Don't wait until a prospect starts asking questions.

Much of the information you will need is related to the construction of the house, and the performance of its systems. Who built your home? What year was it built? How much insulation is in the ceilings? What about the walls? How old is the roof?

How much are your monthly power bills, i.e. heating and air conditioning, appliances, etc. Various other costs will be important too, like property taxes, utility bills, recent repairs, or special assessments.

You may need to dig through family records and paid bills to come up with some of the information, while the original builder can provide construction details. If you have a floor plan or blueprint of the home, make copies available.

If major building components have been replaced or repaired, have the work tickets handy for easy explanation. If you have photos of your home during other seasons of the year, make them available. Buyers will be interested, and competing property owners aren't likely to even think of it.

Sound like a lot of questions? If you plan to sell your home, you're going to need answers, lots of them. Remember, you can be a valuable resource. While it is the agent's responsibility to attract prospects, it is you who can create the atmosphere to improve the likelihood of an early sale.

Create a chart, or a graph, which shows a complete accounting of your utility bills for the past year (or two). Also include the general information about the construction of the house, property taxes, renovations, insulation etc. Next, back up this information by offering to show buyers the actual monthly bills for electric, water, gas, etc. Offer the facts first, backed up by the proof.

Remember, through your pride of ownership you will help to grab the buyer's attention. With your house is model condition and with your willingness to share facts about the house, buyers will to be satisfied and ready to pay your price quickly.

Bob Newsom, Real Estate Broker Southern California, trained real estate agents, developer of hotels, condominiums, homes, founder on-line real estate http://www.MLSprintouts.com and http://www.HomeSearches.com. Bob can be reached Bob@HomeSearches.com

HOW TO GET THE HIGHEST PRICE FOR MY HOUSE

Want to sell your home and receive the highest price possible? Is there a secret to arriving at exactly the right price? The secret is: there is no secret - only research and hard work.

Some sellers price their home based on their own purchase price. They expect to receive appreciation for each year they occupied the property, say 3%, 5% or 10% per year, plus their original investment.

Others price their home based on need. If they plan to build a new home, they take into account the cash they need to complete their construction costs plus a little extra. Still others may need money for college costs, or medical bills.

No matter what the seller’s needs are, it is important to understand how the final price for your house will be determined.

The “SALE” Price Versus the “ASKING” Price

If you own a home and plan to sell, you may be surprised to learn that buyers set the final sale price. Does that mean you must sell to the first prospect at whatever price is offered? Not at all.

Actually, it is the home owners who set the "asking" price. This may be a figure pulled from thin air or the result of logical thinking applied to extensive facts and figures. Whatever the source, this price signals the sellers' price expectations.

The greatest hazard associated with pricing a home too high is that buyers will not even make an offer. If no purchase offers are received, no sale will take place. In other words, until buyer and seller agree on a price, nothing happens.

Why, then, is it that the buyer sets the final sale price? Consider the negotiating process. The seller sets an asking price. The buyer makes an offer at a lower price. The seller rejects the low offer, and makes a counter-offer at a higher price. The buyer rejects the counter-offer, and submits one of his/her own. Eventually the buyer makes an offer acceptable to the sellers.

Until the buyer offers enough, no sale takes place, and there is no final sale price. Thus, it is the buyer who determines the final price.

The “NET” Price Versus the “GROSS” Price

If you could conjure up the ideal home sale, it would probably be to sell your home at full price, for cash, with closing in a week. If that happened, and your price was $250,000, how much money would you "net"?

There is a difference, of course, between “gross" and "net" selling prices. If you sell for $250,000, your "gross” would be the full amount - $250,000. The "net" is an entirely different story. Here's why.

Anytime you sell a home, even for cash, you will have at least a small amount of closing costs – assume 6% of the selling price. That cost, along with potentially other costs, will have to be deducted from the "gross" price to determine your "net". The process of converting "gross" to "net" becomes increasingly more complex when you factor in expenses related to the type financing secured by the buyers.

Sometimes a low buyer offer may result in a higher "net" sale price to the sellers. For example: let’s assume you received two offers at the same time for your house.
Let’s compare them: The first buyer meets your price of $250,000; but, the second buyer offers only $242,000. Both buyers plan to put %5 down on the house and closing close will be about 6% of the sale price.

The first buyer plans to secure a new mortgage loan for thirty years. The lender will be charging three "points" in order to give the buyer the lowest possible interest rate. The buyer's offer asks that you (the seller) pay the three discount points (about $7,100), and 1/2 the closing costs (about $7,500 or $15,000 divided by 2).

The first buyer’s offer of full price - $250,000, although it looks good will cost the seller an additional $14,600.

The second buyer’s offer of $242,000 is $8,000 less than the asking price and the amount offered by the first buyer. However, because they plan to secure a 15 year loan, with no discount points, and plan to pay their own closing costs, you - the seller will "net" $6,600 more from the second buyer than from the first buyer ($14,600 - $8,000).

Therefore, when considering offers to purchase your home, do the math, check the net proceeds in detail. You may be pleasant y surprised.

Know the Competition

When selling a home, the most difficult assignment for owners is pricing their home at "fair market value". Because homes rarely sell for more than a fair price, it is critical that home owners do sufficient research to make their pricing decision.

How can they gather the data needed for their decision? Gather information on recent sales in your area. Sale prices, terms offered, and time on the market are all pertinent.

Once the information is gathered and put into perspective, what becomes evident is a price range in which the seller’s home will likely be sold. By comparing the size, features and amenities of similar homes, it is possible to estimate the probable sale price of your home.

Two factors are not readily apparent, however, from those hard facts and figures. Those factors are buyer appeal and condition. Since the comparable homes are already sold, it is not possible to visit them to determine how and why buyers were impressed enough to buy them.

Homes currently for sale which are competing for buyers are another story. To home owners planning to sell, these homes are the competition, and they deserve close scrutiny.

One way sellers can check out the competition is by driving through nearby neighborhoods to identify homes currently for sale. Taking notes for comparison later is a good idea too. What style are the homes? How are they maintained? Do they make a positive impression?

Sellers may also ask their agent to explain the asking prices and condition of those homes - again for comparison.

Sellers who arm themselves with an in-depth understanding of the local market before pricing their home will be in a better position to arrive at a selling price that represents fair market value. The benefit can be an early sale at the best price.

Bob Newsom, Real Estate Broker southern California 33 years, trained real estate agents, developer of hotels, condominiums, homes, founder on-line real estate www.MLSprintouts.com and www.
HomeSearches.com. Bob can be reached Bob@HomeSearches.com.