http://www.articletrader.com/ Articles at ArticleTrader en-us http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/marriage-help-if-you-are-thinking-of-getting-a-divorce-think-again.html http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/marriage-help-if-you-are-thinking-of-getting-a-divorce-think-again.html Mon, 24 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0500
* Your spouse is physically abusive with you or with your children?
* Your spouse is an alcoholic or drug addict and has no intention of dealing with the addiction?
* Your spouse has a gambling addiction and is causing financial hardship?
* You want to have a baby and you thought your spouse wanted a child too, but now says he or she doesn't?

These situations may not change or be resolvable. They may be deal-breakers. If you are in these situations, then you need to get some help in deciding what you can accept and what you cannot accept. If you cannot accept these situations, then you need to leave, particularly if there is violence.

Are you thinking of getting a divorce because:

* Your spouse often gets angry, blaming and judgmental with you?
* Your spouse is often withdrawn, resistant and uncommunicative?
* Your spouse won't discuss things and try to resolve conflict with you?
* There is no passion in the relationship?
* Your spouse is addicted to work, TV, sports, spending, exercise, food, nicotine?
* You feel bored with your spouse?
* You feel you no longer have anything in common?
* Everything is an argument?
* You feel lonely in the relationship?
* You are not getting your needs met?
* Your partner is not turned on to you and rarely wants to have sex, or vise versa?
* You are convinced that your partner no longer cares about you?
* Your partner is having an affair, or you think your partner is having an affair?

These are situations that often can be resolved, because these are generally situations that are the result of a dysfunctional relationship system - the control/resist relationship system.

If you are experiencing any of these situations, the first thing you need to do is get your eyes off your spouse and on to what you are doing. You will stay stuck if you have convinced yourself that the problems are primarily your partner's fault.

Now, are you ready to be honest with yourself and your participation in the problems in the relationship?

Ask yourself:

* Are you being reactive to your spouse by getting angry, blaming, judging or threatening?
* Are you being reactive to your spouse by resisting or withdrawing in response to your partner's behavior?
* Are you giving yourself, going along with things rather than speaking up and telling your truth about what you want and don't want?

If you are doing any of these things, you are trying to control your spouse rather than take responsibility for your feelings. As long as you are trying to control your spouse with these reactions rather than learn to take full 100% responsibility for your own feelings, you will be creating the very problems that are causing you to want to leave your marriage.

Getting a divorce without healing your end of the codependent relationship system is a waste of time. You learn nothing by leaving, and you will continue the same dysfunctional reactive behavior in your next relationship. Even if it is okay to end up alone, you will not have learned how to take responsibility for your own feelings. Without learning this, you will likely be no happier alone than you were in the marriage.

What does it mean to take responsibility for your feelings? It means that when you are feeling badly, you go inside and explore what YOU are telling yourself or doing that is causing you to feel badly. It means that you stop being a victim of your spouse and learn to treat yourself with love and kindness.

If you learn to take responsibility for your own feelings and make yourself joyful and peaceful, there is a good possibility that your marriage will heal.





--
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/the-incredible-power-of-intent.html http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/the-incredible-power-of-intent.html Tue, 26 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0600
This is like intent.

There are only two possible intentions in any given moment: the intent to learn about loving yourself and others, and the intent to protect against pain with some form of controlling behavior.

When you consciously choose the intent to learn, your light points upward, shining upon the truth that will guide you in your highest good. Your mind opens and becomes a receiver of the information you need to support yourself in manifesting your dreams. Consciously choosing the intent to learn is the most powerful thing we can do. When we consciously choose the intent to learn, we open ourselves to our Higher Self - the part of us that connects us with the information and creativity in the universe.

When we unconsciously choose the intent to control, we shut off access to truth. Our mind closes and becomes like a closed circuit TV - recycling the old information that has been programmed into our mind. We become stuck in our limited mind, operating from the false beliefs that we learned as we were growing up. We become stuck in the past, recreating old hurts.

The challenge here is that our unconscious automatic choice is to control. When we were growing up, we all had to learn many ways to control to survive the challenges of childhood. We learned ways of trying to have control over how people feel about us and treat us, such as anger, blame, judgment, righteousness, or compliance. We learned ways to protect against losing ourselves to another's control, such as resisting or withdrawing. We learned many addictive ways of avoiding feeling our pain, such using food, drugs, alcohol, TV, Internet, sex, work, sports, gambling, shopping, self-judgment, and so on - all to have control over not feeling our painful feelings.

Most people immediately, and unconsciously, choose the intent to control the moment they feel any anxiety. The problem is that the intent to control is self-abandonment, always causing even more fear, anxiety or depression. Instead of shining the light of love upon your distress in order to learn and heal, you shove the light into the ground, causing more darkness.

Choosing your intent is the essence of free will, and it determines what you feel and what you manifest. While you might have momentary pleasure when something good happens, the deep joy and wellbeing that we all seek, and the ability to manifest your dreams, is the result of your intent to learn about loving yourself and others.

The challenge in our lives is to REMEMBER that we are at choice - to remember to choose the intent to learn.

How can you remember to consciously choose the intent to learn? How can you remember, the moment you feel any fear, anxiety, or any stress, to open to learning about what you are thinking or doing that is creating this stress? What can you do to stop your automatic reactive controlling behavior?

First of all, you need to accept that this is a lifetime practice - not something that will occur quickly. We have all been practicing the intent to control for most of our lives, so it will take much practice to even remember that there is another choice.

The place to start is to practice noticing your feelings throughout a day. Perhaps wearing a rubber band that you can snap on your wrist will remind you to check inside to see how you are feeling. You cannot begin to learn about your thoughts and actions that are causing your feelings until you are aware of your painful feelings. You cannot stop your addictive anesthetics until you are WILLING to feel your feelings and take responsibility for them.

If you decide that you are willing to feel your feelings, that willingness will lead you to becoming more and more conscious of your feelings. This is the beginning of being able to consciously choose your intent to learn.





--
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author
of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be
Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the
co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process.
Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.inner
bonding.com or email her at
margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions
available.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/happiness/forgiveness-acceptance-and-letting-go.html http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/happiness/forgiveness-acceptance-and-letting-go.html Sat, 16 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0600
What I have noticed is that those who continue to stay in blame and resentment are often people who see themselves as victims of other people's choices. I've noticed that people who stay angry at someone are generally people who are very controlling and believe that they can control someone else's behavior through punishment - anger, withdrawal, withholding, blame, righteousness, judgment, and so on.

There is a big difference between forgiving someone and wanting to spend time with that person. For example, if find out that your partner has lied to you in a major way, you might decide to leave that relationship and not spend any more time with that person. You might decide that it is not in your highest good to be with someone whom you cannot trust to be honest with you. Leaving that person may be what is best for you.

However, if you hang on to anger, blame and resentment, what happens to you? You end up feeling miserable.

Whenever someone behaves in a manner that I find unacceptable, I attempt to understand the good reasons behind the unacceptable behavior. Is this person a very scared and insecure person? Did this person come from an unloving background? Is this person a very young soul, doing the best he or she can but is limited in ability? I do not take others' behavior personally, knowing that their behavior is coming from their fears and beliefs and actually has nothing to do with me.

Even though I choose compassion rather than judgment when others behave in unacceptable ways, this does not mean that I want to continue to be around the person. I can fully understand why the person acted as he or she did, yet still decide that being around this person is not in my highest good. I can fully forgive that person, which means that I am not carrying around blame and resentment, without wanting to continue to be around that person.

If you forgive but choose to not be around someone, it is important to be aware of your intent in not being around that person. Your intent is either controlling or loving.

If your intent is to control, then you hope that by not being around that person, he or she will learn their lesson and change their behavior. You have not really decided to end the relationship. You have a secret hope that by distancing yourself, you can have control over whether or not this person changes.

Leaving with the intent to control can lead to you getting stuck in misery, waiting for that person to change.

If your intent is to be loving to yourself, then you have decided that not being around this person is in your highest good. You are ready to move on, rather than being attached to this person changing. You have fully forgiven this person and are now taking loving care of yourself by letting go of all hope of this relationship working.

If someone behaves in a way that is not acceptable to you, this does not mean that you need to leave the relationship. It does mean that you need to accept that it may happen again and that there is nothing you can do about it. You have no control over another's choices. Again, hanging on to blame and resentment will only make you miserable. If you decide to stay, then you need to decide how to take loving care of yourself in the face of the other's unacceptable behavior. When you are truly taking loving care of yourself, then you will find you can easily forgive the other person.

The blessing of forgiveness is that it allows you to let go of life-draining resentment and open to love and joy.





--

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author
of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be
Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the
co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process.
Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.inner
bonding.com or email her at
margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions
available.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/responsibility-vs.-fault.html http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/responsibility-vs.-fault.html Mon, 04 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0600
"It's my fault that she asked for a divorce. If I hadn't worked so much, she wouldn't have left."

"It's my fault that he left. If I had been more sexual, he wouldn't have had an affair."

I often hear clients ask, when I point out something they are doing that is having negative consequences for them, "Are you saying that this is my fault?" I respond with, "No, but it is your responsibility."

What is the difference between responsibility and fault?

Fault implies that you are the cause of a situation. Your ego - your conditioned wounded self - believes that you have control over other peoples' feelings and behavior, and over the outcome of things. Because the wounded self is deeply devoted to trying to control people and events in order to feel safe, you have to believe that things are your fault in order to continue to believe that you have control. This is where feelings of guilt and shame come from. You feel guilt when you tell yourself that you have done something wrong, and you feel shame when you tell yourself that you are inherently flawed in some way. These feelings are always the result of believing that you are the cause of others' feelings and behavior - that you pull the strings on how others feel and behave.

If you say, "It's my fault that she asked for a divorce. If I hadn't worked so much, she wouldn't have left," you are really saying that your choices CAUSED her choices. But not all women would leave because their husbands work a lot. While it is not your fault that your wife left, it is your responsibility that you chose to work so much, just as it is her responsibility that she chose to leave.

Nothing that happens outside of yourself is your fault. However, all of your choices and responses are your responsibility.

Responsibility is about the ability to respond. Every situation in life offers us opportunities to respond, and how we respond determines how we feel and what we attract to us.

Our responses come from one of two possible intentions - to love or to control. Choosing our intention in any given moment is the essence of free will. Therefore, we are fully responsible for the negative consequences to ourselves when we choose the intent to control.

For example, Al, one of my clients, sought my help when his wife, Allison, informed him that she was leaving the marriage. Al had chosen to be mostly controlling in his marriage. He chose to respond to situations that he didn't like with anger and blame, hoping to have control over getting Allison to do what he wanted her to do. When something didn't go his way or Allison did something he didn't want her to do, he would yell, threaten, and demean her.

Allison had tried to control Al's anger by giving in to him. When that didn't work, she tried just walking away. But nothing she did had any effect on Al's controlling behavior, and finally Allison decided that she didn't want to live this way anymore. She moved out and asked for a divorce.

Was this Al's fault? No, because he was not the cause of Allison's decision to leave. Another person might have made any number of other choices. For example, one of my friends, Benjamin, has a wife who frequently rages - sometimes treating Benjamin as Al treated Allison. But Benjamin never takes it personally. He has no desire to leave.

While it is not Al's fault that Allison decided to leave, his choice to be angry and controlling is his responsibility, and he is responsible for the consequences of his choices. Telling himself that it is his fault keeps him stuck being a victim, but his willingness to take responsibility for his choices can lead to change.

Next time you hear yourself say, "This is my fault," try changing your words to "This is my responsibility," and notice the difference this makes!


--
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> http://www.articletrader.com/society/dating/when-not-to-start-a-relationship.html http://www.articletrader.com/society/dating/when-not-to-start-a-relationship.html Mon, 28 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0600
Many times, putting yourself back into the dating scene is a good idea. But how can you know when it is time to start a new relationship?

Here are some questions to ponder:

1. Are you fully over your last relationship, or do you still have hope of reconciliation?

If you still fantasize about getting back with your partner, then you are not truly available for another relationship. Is there really a possibility of reconciliation, or are you making up the possibility? If there really is a possibility, then it is certainly not time to date. If the relationship is really over, then you need to fully accept this before moving on to another relationship. As long as you are in denial about the relationship being over, you are not fully available for another relationship.

2. If your partner has died, do you feel ready for a new relationship?

If you had a loving relationship with your deceased partner, then any time you feel ready is fine. You already know how to have a good relationship, so there is a good chance of having another good relationship when you feel ready for it.

3. Have you fully explored your part of why your relationship ended?

When a relationship goes on the rocks, it is because each partner is contributing to the problems. It is always fairly easy to see what the other person did that caused problems, but much harder to see what you did.

It may be necessary for you to have therapeutic help in understanding your end of the relationship issues. I have been working with individuals and couples for 40 years and I have seen that people tend to repeat the same patterns in relationships over and over unless they do some healing work. Even if, at the beginning, a new relationship looks different from your other relationships, there is a good possibility that it will end up the same.

Most relationships create a system with one person being a caretaker and the other being a taker. These roles can switch in different relationships and around different issues. Unless you heal your tendencies to be a caretaker or a taker, you will continue to create relationship systems that don't work.

Underneath all relationship dysfunction are control issues. Whether you control with anger, righteousness, blame, judgment, compliance, resistance, or withdrawal of love, until you heal the fear underlying all controlling behavior, you will continue to create relationship problems.

This does not mean that these issues need to be healed before starting a new relationship, but it does mean is that you need to be in the process of healing to have a chance at a good relationship.

4. Do you feel available for a new relationship?

Most people have two bottom-line fears when it comes to relationships: the fear of rejection and the fear of engulfment, which means the fear of losing the other or the fear of losing yourself. These are deep fears that start in childhood and may continue throughout your life, making it difficult for you to be fully emotionally available in a relationship.

These fears do not just go away. Until you develop a powerful loving adult self, you may take rejection personally and not know how to handle loss. Without a strong loving inner adult, you may allow others to control you, giving yourself up to prevent rejection.

Again, these fears do not need to be healed before starting a relationship, but unless you are in the process of healing them and continue to do healing work within a relationship, there is a good chance that you will recreate another unsuccessful relationship.

A relationship is a wonderful arena for healing and growth when both people are devoted to learning to be a strong loving adult. If you are on a devoted healing and learning path, make sure that your new partner is too!


--
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/success/fear-of-failure.html http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/success/fear-of-failure.html Mon, 21 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0600
Most people who are successful in their work and their relationships have experienced many failures along their road to success. Thomas Edison, the inventor of the electric bulb, is often quoted regarding failure:

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

"I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward."

"Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

"Show me a thoroughly satisfied man, and I will show you a failure."

If Edison has been afraid of failure, or believed that failure meant he was inadequate, he would never have invented the light bulb!

In order to achieve success in any area of your life, you need to redefine failure. Instead of seeing failure as an indication of your inadequacy or lack of worth, you need to see failure as a stepping-stone to success. Some of the most financially successful people experienced repeated failures.

* Walt Disney was a high school drop out who suffered bankruptcy and repeated financial and business disasters.

* Milton Hershey, chocolate maker and founder of the famous Hershey Foods Corp., found success only after filing for bankruptcy for his first four candy companies.

* Henry Ford filed for bankruptcy for the first car company he started. He didn't succeed until he started his third company, Ford Motor Company.

* After P.T. Barnum, American showman, went bankrupt, he joined forces with circus operator James A. Bailey to found Barnum and Bailey's Greatest Show on Earth.

* Quaker Oats went bankrupt three times, as did Wrigley from Wrigley's Gum. Pepsi-Cola went bankrupt twice. Other famous companies that also went bankrupt are Birds Eye Frozen Foods, Borden's,? and Aunt Jemima.

* Albert Einstein did poorly in elementary school, and he failed his first college entrance exam at Zurich Polytechnic.

* Winston Churchill had a lifetime of defeats and setbacks before becoming prime minister of England at age 62. All of his greatest accomplishments and contributions came when he was a senior citizen.

* Sir Laurence Olivier, one of the greatest actors of the 20th century, tripped over the door sill and fell headfirst into the floodlights the very first time he had ever set foot on the professional stage!

* Woody Allen flunked motion picture production at New York University and the City College of New York and failed English at N.Y.U.

* Astronaut Ed Gibson flunked first and fourth grades.

* Lucille Ball was once dismissed from drama school for being too quiet and shy.

(From http://www.joesabah.com/dseibert/008.htm)

If these successful people had been afraid of failure, they would never have offered the world their talents. They were able to go on to success because they saw failure as a learning opportunity rather than as an indication of their inadequacy.

Are you ready to change your concept of failure? Are you ready to let go of worrying about what failure says about you and just learn from it? Are you ready to free your soul to do what you really want to do?

If the fear of failure is stopping you from doing what you really want to do, I want to encourage you to change your concept of failure. I want to encourage you to let go of your old way of seeing failure and start to envision failures as learning opportunities on the way to success. Just as Thomas Edison did, I encourage you to see every failure as a step forward!




--

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author
of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be
Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the
co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process.
Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.inner
bonding.com or email her at
margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions
available.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/parenting/what-should-my-child-be-eating-for-optimal-health.html http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/parenting/what-should-my-child-be-eating-for-optimal-health.html Mon, 14 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0600
While I have been studying nutrition for 46 years, I am not an expert, since I am not a scientist and have not done my own research. What I share with you comes from my personal experience with my children and grandchildren.

Rather than laying out a specific way of eating, I am going to write about what I have learned about what NOT to eat.

Below is a partial list of things not to feed your children:

Sugar
Corn syrup
Glucose syrup
Wheat syrup
Rice syrup
Potato starch
Modified food starch
White foods - white bread, white rice, rice milk, white pastas, white wheat flour
Processed grains
French fries
Sodas
Trans-fats
Vegetable oils other than coconut and olive oil
Preservatives and food colorings - or anything that you can't pronounce!

You might not think you are feeding your children many of these, but if you look at the labels, you will find many of these non-foods in packaged and refined products. In fact, most refined foods will contain one or more of these items.

For your children to be healthy, they have to be eating foods that are nutrient dense. Not only do none of the above items have any nutrient value, they rob the body of nutrients, creating the weight and health problems that are endemic to our society.

What are the nutrient-dense foods? The most nutrient dense foods are organically grown vegetables. Next are fruits, followed by beans, legumes, whole grains, nuts and seeds - in moderation. If you are not a vegetarian, highly nutritious forms of animal protein are organically fed grass-finished beef and lamb (grain-finishing beef and lamb changes the composition of the fat and causes many health problems), free-range organic poultry, and organic free-range eggs. Mercury-free fish is very healthy, as the oil provides the important omega-3s.

Regarding dairy products: pasteurization kills the enzymes in dairy and can cause problems such as asthma and allergies. Pasteurization also causes milk and other dairy to become difficult to digest, also contributing to illness. Unless you can get very clean, raw organic milk and cheese from grass-finished cows, it is better to avoid dairy. Due to the difficulties in absorption of pasteurized dairy, it is not a good source of calcium - despite what the dairy industry claims. My children were brought up on raw Alta-Dena dairy products and did very well on them.

The right kinds of fats are also important. Cocoanut oil is the best to cook with and olive oil is the best in salad dressings.

How do get your children to eat like this? The only way I know of, which is what I did when my three children were growing up, is to eat this way yourself. I chose not to have anything in the house that I didn't want them to eat, so everything they ate was healthy while they were in the house. I never insisted that they eat. I just put the healthy food out and they ate as much or as little as they wanted to eat.

It is also important to determine you own and your children's metabolic type, which you can do by reading William Wolcott's "The Metabolic Typing Diet." This will help you to know if your child does better on animal protein or vegetable protein. While it is important to have healthy choices in the house, it is equally important not to insist that your child eat the way you do. You might be a rapid metabolizer who needs a lot of meat, while your child might be a slow metabolizer who needs more vegetable protein.

If you want to be healthy and have healthy children, the very best thing to do is read as much as you can about healthy eating, and then decide for yourself what you want to do for your family.




--
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author
of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be
Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the
co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process.
Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.inner
bonding.com or email her at
margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions
available.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/creativity/everyday-creativity.html http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/creativity/everyday-creativity.html Mon, 24 Dec 2007 00:00:00 -0600
This isn't true! We all have the ability to be creative - it is a God-given gift - but you might not be noticing or enjoying your particular form of creativity. It's important that you become aware of which forms of creativity are fun and fulfilling for you, because expressing your creativity is a powerful way of feeling filled up and joyful within.

Creativity naturally pours out of my three-year old grandson, as it does out of all little children who are given the opportunity to express it. When I was spending time with him recently, he was playing with a children's microscope that has little slides with various bugs and other little creatures that he can slide in. He slid in a little shrimp and then starting running around the room saying, "Grandma, the shrimp is in the heater! Get it out!" Once I coaxed out the little shrimp, it now magically appeared under the table, or in the lamp, or back in the heater! He delighted in running around pretending this little shrimp was everywhere and engaging me in his magical game, laughing as he thought up new place for the shrimp to hide! I could see the pure joy he experiences in expressing his creativity.

How can you express your creativity in everyday ways?

Perhaps you really love scrapbooking or making photo albums, creating ways of enjoying memories. Do you enjoy setting a beautiful table, or creating a lovely flower arrangement from flowers that you grow? Do you love creating a wonderful garden? How about creating a bulletin board in your home or office for others to enjoy? Perhaps you just enjoy putting on music and allowing your body to dance around the room. Do you love being in your workshop, making things out of wood for yourself and others? One man I know decided to express his creativity by carving a totem pole, even though it was something he had never done and had no idea how to do it!

Maybe picking out fabrics and making clothing or blankets is fun for you, or knitting or crocheting for yourself, family and friends. Do you have fun making cards with stamps? Maybe you enjoy making collages with pictures from magazines.

You might be a person who expresses your creativity through your kindness or through your humor. Perhaps volunteering is a form of creativity for you. Perhaps you have learned to express your creativity in saying something kind to each person with whom you are in contact throughout a day.

The point is, all of us have many ways in which we can express our creativity, and expressing it is vital to our wellbeing. It is a wonderful form of play. If you spend all of your time just getting things done and do not allow time for your everyday creativity, you will not feel alive and content within. The old saying, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" applies to all of us. We feel dull inside when we don't allow time for play, for creativity, for kindness to ourselves and others.

Creative expression will occur naturally when you open your heart to yourself and others, allowing the gift of creativity to flow through you from the spiritual source that is always available to you. New ideas are always waiting to be expressed through you - you just need to open to them and allow the time for them. When you do, you will feel the joy and fulfillment that comes from everyday creativity!





--

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author
of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be
Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the
co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process.
Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.inner
bonding.com or email her at
margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions
available.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/hes-trying-to-control-me.html http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/hes-trying-to-control-me.html Mon, 17 Dec 2007 00:00:00 -0600
"Why do you have these talks?" I asked her.

"Well, if I didn't, I'm afraid he would leave me."

"So he is trying to control you by being parental with you and you are trying to control him by sitting and listening?"

"Oh, I never thought of sitting and listening as controlling. Aren't two people in a relationship supposed to talk about things?"

"Yes, but only when the intent of the talk is to learn from and with each other. If the intent is to control, it is going to create problems."

Good communication and the arena to talk things out is very important in relationships, but the safe arena is created only when both people want to share information without an agenda, and learn about themselves and each other. If one or both are intent on trying to have control over getting the other person to change, the communication will break down.

"I have told Robert that I am open to the information he is giving me, because he reads a lot and often has good things to say, but I can't stand it when he tries to ram it down my throat."

"Maryann, how do you respond when Robert says he want to talk?"

"I feel very tense and I get resistant."

"What are you telling yourself that makes you feel tense and resistant?"

"Hummm…….I think I'm telling myself I have to do what he says. Oh my God! Now that I'm thinking about it, I used to tell myself the same thing with my parents. I was always such a good girl. I've done the same thing at work. I was always a good girl with Robert too, until recently. I don't want to do that anymore, so now I am resistant."

"Maryann, both compliance and resistance about to control. When you comply, you hope to have control over getting approval and avoiding disapproval, and when you resist you hope to have control over not being controlled. In neither case, are you open to learning about what is best for you. It seems to me that as long as you are telling yourself that you have to do what Robert says, you will be trying to control and not be controlled rather than be open to learning. If you were to let go of trying to control Robert and not be controlled by him, you could be open to the information that is valuable and discard the rest. Would you be willing to listen to Robert and make your own decisions?

Maryann agreed to try this. In or next session she reported that Robert was delighted that she was willing to listen openly to him. She found that when she was neither complaint nor resistant, they could have interesting discussions about the things that Robert was bring up. They ended up feeling close and loving rather than angry and distant.

The next time someone wants to talk with you about an issue, notice your intent. You can likely have a good discussion if you are open to learning rather than controlling or resisting control.




--
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author
of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be
Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the
co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process.
Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.inner
bonding.com or email her at
margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions
available.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/intimacy-with-yourself.html http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/intimacy-with-yourself.html Mon, 10 Dec 2007 00:00:00 -0600
* I no longer feel close or intimate with my spouse. I love him/her, but I'm no longer in love with him/her,
* The love we once had seems to be lost.
* We don't seem to have anything in common any more. We have gone off in different directions.
* I've met someone that makes me feel alive again. I haven't felt this alive with my husband/wife for years.

Generally, I try to find out if these two people once felt in love and passionate about each other. Most of the time they did. And often the person on the phone with me believes these feelings cannot come back, especially if he or she has met someone else.

For example, Brandon consulted with me because he was thinking of leaving his marriage of 18 years. He still cared about his wife, Jennifer, but he was no longer in love with her. He had recently fallen in love with Chandra, with whom he now had all the passion he previously had with Jennifer. The reason he hadn't left was he was deeply devoted to his and Jennifer's four children.

I asked Brandon not to make any decisions about leaving until we had a change for work together for a few months.

It soon became evident that, while Brandon was deeply desirous of having an intimate relationship, which he believed he had with Chandra, he had no intimacy with himself. By this I mean that he had lived his life ignoring his own feelings and needs.

Brandon was a nice guy who was there for his wife and children, but never there for himself. He was completely out of touch with his own feelings and needs. He had abandoned himself. He was often judgmental of himself, which led to his relying on others' approval for his sense of himself. He would care-take others in the hopes that they would give him the love, attention, and approval that he was not giving to himself.

Love and intimacy almost always disappear in a relationship when we abandon ourselves by judging ourselves, by ignoring our feelings, and by making others responsible for our sense of worth. Because Brandon had been abandoning himself for years in his relationship with Jennifer, he was a sitting duck for an affair.

Chandra and Brandon were in the same profession and they met at a national sales meeting. Over dinner, Chandra gave Brandon the attention and approval that he was not giving himself and that Jennifer was not giving to him. Jennifer, an executive in a large company and a busy mother of four, did not want the responsibility of taking care of Brandon. The problem was that Brandon had not wanted the responsibility of taking care of Brandon either.

As Brandon started to learn how to attend to his own feelings, and how to give himself the love and attention that he needed, he started to feel much better inside. He discovered that the more he learned to value himself, the more he started to reconnect with Jennifer.

I have often found in my work that as a person starts to treat themselves with the love and valuing that they have always sought form others - when they become intimate with themselves - they find themselves experiencing intimacy with their spouse. A marriage they thought was over becomes renewed with the love that they had been seeking from someone else.

Before you leave your marriage, especially if you have children, do your inner work and learn to have intimacy with yourself. You might be surprised at what happens with your marriage.




--
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author
of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be
Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the
co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process.
Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.inner
bonding.com or email her at
margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions
available.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]>