http://www.articletrader.com/ Articles at ArticleTrader en-us http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/getting-started-in-genealogy.html http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/getting-started-in-genealogy.html Tue, 05 May 2009 09:01:47 -0500
To get started, you can easily take the time to learn about the options that are available to you. Your first decision will be how much work you will want to do on your own. For some, this may be taking the time to secure information from your family. Or, you may determine that you will want to work with a professional genealogist. Whichever your choice is, you should then pursue the options that you have in it. Depending on how deep into your past you would like to go, you have resources to help you to achieve these objectives.

When it comes to learning about your family, there should be little that stops you from doing so. You have many resources available to you because, like you, there are thousands of people that are dedicated to learning more about their family's history. It is a natural curiosity that many humans want to know. Where did they come from? And, when they do this, they can reap the rewards of learning more about themselves. Once you determine which way you will do this, you can move on to starting your task. More than likely, you will be like most others and find that this is a very rewarding experience to be in.

Your Family: A Great Source for Genealogy Research

One of the first things that you should do when you want to learn about your family's history is to begin by working on those living members of your family. Believe it or not, they may hold the keys that you need to learn about your family's history. Even though you may not think that it is important to talk to even your distant cousins, there are many benefits to doing so. Take into account what role that they play in your family's blood line and then begin talking to them about what they know about your genealogy.

The first thing that you will want to do is to work on names of ancestors. Some people may actually know the maiden names of female figures in your history. Some will know the names of those siblings and such that may not play a direct role in your history but still are part of your family tree. What you will want to do is to try to construct a family tree based on the names that have been given to you.

Don't stop there, though. You will want to hear the stories that they can offer you as well. These stories are full of a rich history and often have tidbits of history as well as tidbits of details that you need in order to make them come to life. You will find that these are things you need to know. Perhaps they will know the cities in which your family members grew up in. Or, they may know what region of the country their ancestors lived. They may know that someone was in the war or that someone else was in jail. These are informational pieces that you can use to begin your backward journey into your past. Each one of them offers a little more information about your past that you need to know.

Finding Sources for Genealogy Research

Once you begin working on your past, it is likely to become something that is amazingly interesting. Your first thing will be to talk to your family and friends to gather the information that you need. There is little doubt that this is the richest place to begin your search for your family's history. But, often, most people do not know what to do once they hit that fork in the road. What do they do once they get past the point of what their family can tell them? This is where you need to be as creative as you can be.

One thing you will want to do is to tap into the options that are offered to you on the web. For example, if you learn that your father's grandfather served in the military, you may be able to find information based on this on the web. You may be able to tap into old military records or even find information about something that he did heroically. Do this for all those that you have learned a little about. A little can provide much more down the road.

Once you begin researching the people that you have found, you may begin to stumble on information. If you find a grave marker, for example, you may be able to understand who this member's of your family's parents were. This will give you yet another piece in the puzzle. Going back through time can provide you with so much information like this. Small pieces begin to open up the puzzle of your genealogy. And, with each piece to the puzzle, you will likely become more and more intrigued by what it has to offer you. There are many ways that you can continue your search and it may be that information just seems to fall into your lap. Keep working at it and you will soon discover all that you need to know.


--
Ron Huxley is a child and family therapist and author of the book "Love and Limits." Get special resources and ecourses at http://parentingtoolbox.com

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/parenting/pajama-games-getting-children-to-bed.html http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/parenting/pajama-games-getting-children-to-bed.html Mon, 05 Feb 2007 00:00:00 -0600 give you a hug goodnight. I heard a noise outside my window. Bedtime can be a nightly power struggle for parents when children do not want to go to bed resulting in no winners. Here are some ways parents and children have both won the pajama game:

* Provide a "bedtime friend." Michael refused to sleep unless his mother lay down next to him every night. At first, this was a comforting experience for both parentand child. But, over time, it took Michael longer and longer to go to sleep and he would cry whenever his mother tried to get up to go to bed herself. His mother quickly recognized that Michael needed a transitional object or "bedtime friend" that would substitute the feelings of comfort that she provided him and would allow him to go to sleep alone.

Together they went and bought a stuffed animal that Michael found warm and comforting. His mother talked with him before the trip about finding a "bedtime fiend" and what its purpose would be. After the purchase, she spoke to the stuffed animal, in front of Michael, and told it that it had "a very important job" to help Michael go to sleep. This employed Michael's young imagination and helped to transfer the comforting qualities of his mother to the animal. Of course the transition from parent to transitional object was not an easy one and Michael resisted the change at first. But with a lot of patience and perseverance, Michael was able to sleep on his own, with his new "bedtime friend."

* Celebrate a good nights sleep. Even the most difficult sleeper has an occasional good nights sleep. Perhaps it was only due to exhaustion that a childdidn't get back up with a bedtime excuse. Celebrate it anyway! In the morning prepare the child's favorite meal. Sing, dance, or do whatever it takes to give the child positive attention to the basic fact of having a no-excuse, sleep-filled night. Too many parents do their "song and dance routines" at night after the excuses have been given, reinforcing the very problem parents want to stop. During these stress times, ignore the irritating please for water or the annoying claims of nighttime terrors. Instead, redirect the child back to bed with a minimum amount of words or actions. This will rechannel the power struggle and increase the percentage for successful bedtime routines.

* Discourage scary stories or television show. Sarah complained of monsters under the bed, ghosts in the closet, and killers outside her window. Nothing her parents did got rid of their daughter's fears. Finally they found the root of the problem: Sarah had been watching scary movie at a friends house on a recent sleep over and had been exchanging scary stories with friends at school. Her parents talked to the other parents and convinced Sarah to stop the tales of terror. Within a week she was going to bed without any problems.

* Make a bedtime routine. Being a single mother and working a full time job forced Eleanor to use a babysitter for her son Ben in the evenings. Ben had developed a custom of waiting up for his mother and spends some "time together" before going to bed. Eleanor knew he should be going to bed earlier but felt guilty about leaving Ben with someone else and not being with him more. Once, on a very quilt-filled night, after yelling at him before school, she brought home ice cream for them to share together. After that, Ben expected a treat every night. In addition, his late night routine got later and later. It stopped being simply about waiting for mom to not wanting to go to bed at all. The final straw was when Ben's teacher called and informed Eleanor that Ben was falling in sleep in class. She resolved to change the nighttime routine.

She arranged to have more time in the mornings before he had to go to school to spend together. She enlisted the support of the babysitter to put him in his room and turn off the lights even if he didn't go to sleep. He was to go through the motions of bedtime regardless. When she came home there were no treats and their interaction was simple and quick: a kiss, a hug, and a tuck into bed with the lights quickly out. It took some doing but Eleanor was able to get Ben to settle into a bedtime routine.

* Share the workload. Getting Tasha to bed was work! Her mother did everything she could think of to get Tasha to stay in bed but after a long day her mother just didn't have the patience of the energy for a big fight. And Tasha knew all the right buttons to push on mom to make her mad and manipulate her into giving her what she wanted (even after being told no).

Finally, Tasha's mother recruited the father to back her up or take over when the mother felt like she was weakening. The parents agreed to a plan of action prior to the bedtime battle and they consistently enforced it, winning the war. Tasha would try and divide and conquer but the greater numbers and the parental teamwork held firm and Tasha finally stayed in bed.

Getting children to go and stay in bed is no easy task. Parents face he limitless excuses and untiring energy of children who know how to maneuver around their parents with amazing ease. In order for both parties to win the pajama game, parents must use some special bedtime tactics to even the odds. But none of these things will prevail if parents are not consistent and provide positive attention to good nighttime behavior. How parents cope with the bedtime disruptions is as important (maybe more) that what they do to get their children to bed.

--
Ron Huxley is a licensed child and family therapist and the author of the book "Love and Limits: Acheiving a Balance in Parenting." Get more articles, ecourses and special reports at http://parentingtoolbox.com/join.html

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/parenting/the-importance-of-the-father-child-bond.html http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/parenting/the-importance-of-the-father-child-bond.html Fri, 16 Jun 2006 00:00:00 -0500 squirm and cry as he met the world. I remember how he paused to listen to my voice as I whispered my love for him and commitment to him. To this day, spending time with my kids continues to be one of my favorite activities. To not spend time with my children is unfathomable.

For many fathers, this isn’t the case. They sit in hospital waiting rooms, clapping each other on the back and congratulating one another on a job well done, while their child enters the world without their father next to them. The day after the delivery and every day after are filled with missed opportunities to bond with their child and influence the directions they will take in life. They rationalize that they are sacrificing for their
family by working long hours and justify their emotional distance as modeling how to survive in the “cold, cruel world.” Food on the table and a roof over head is nice but nothing makes up for loving, nurturing relationships with one’s father.

How do fathers build this bond? What barriers stand in the way? And, what are some practical tools to help fathers strengthen their children
intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and physically? To help me answer these questions, I asked for advice from dad’s who have a close bond with their children. How do I know they have a close bond? I asked their wives! What's more, these wives run some popular family-focused websites:

How do you bond with your child?

In response to this question, all of the fathers answered alike. They stated that the best way to bond was simply to spend time with a child. What you do is not as important as doing something.

They divided activities up into four main areas: Physical, Intellectual, Social, and Spiritual. A balance of these four areas would result in a child
having a happier, healthier life.

Physical activities are the most familiar to fathers and include working around the house together, sharing a hobby, coaching an athletic team, exercising together, and going places together.

Intellectual activities focus on being involved in a child’s academics, participating in school related activities, encouraging hard work, and modeling yourself as a their primary teacher of life.

Social activities centered on talking with children, sharing feelings and thoughts, demonstrating appropriate affection and manners, and getting to know your child’s friends.

Spiritual activities are used the least by dad’s but have the most power to influence a child. These activities incorporate reading spiritual stories together, going to church or the synagogue, praying with children, establishing rules and order, being consistent and available, and exploring the mysteries of nature.

What is difference between the father/child bond and the mother/child bond?

It was quickly apparent from the surveys that dad’s have a different approach or style to bonding than mom’s. Dad’s have a more rough and tumble approach to physical interaction or may spend time in more physical activities such as play or working on a project together. Competition was also seen more in father/child bonding and was considered healthy if used in small doses and with sensitivity to a child’s temperament and abilities. Sportsmanship, but not necessary sports activities, was regarded as an essential ingredient in the development of a child’s characters. While the approach may differ, the need for bonding with mom and dad is equally significant. One dad joked that other than a couple of biological differences (e.g., giving birth or breastfeeding) he couldn’t see one as more important than the other.

What barriers prevent fathers from achieving a bond with their child?

All of the fathers agreed that work and the mismanagement of time were the biggest robbers of relationships with children. No one discounted a father’s responsibility to provide for his family, but all of them maintained that a healthy balance is needed between work and family. They felt that society makes it easy to use one’s career as an escape. Social influences tend to value the bond a child has with mom to be more important than with dad. But none of the dad’s questioned felt this barrier to be insurmountable.

Eliminating barriers in society begins in the home. Dads must demonstrate that being involved in the home is important to them before society will start treating dads as important to the home. Dads need to take the initiative to change a diaper, clean up after dinner, give the kids their bath, and do the laundry. The collective effect of these “small” acts will ripple out into society to create “bigger” change.

Can a father bond with a child if they did not have a father growing up?

The entire group affirmed that not having a father would make it more difficult but not impossible to bond with a child. According to one dad,
bonding is more of an innate need or spiritual drive, than simply a learned behavior. Therefore, fatherless fathers are not doomed to repeat their own childhood experiences. Another dad suggested “getting excited” by the little things that make a child excited or happy. Getting down on the child’s level, regressing to those early moments in life when you were a child, and sharing simple pleasures with your child will foster the bonding missed the first time around.

In summary, it is clear that the bond between a father and a child is an important one. Barriers, such as social values and absent fathers make bonding with children difficult but not impossible. Children need the unique style of bonding that fathers can provide and fathers can build that bond by spending time engaging in physical, intellectual, social, and spiritual activities.

--
About the author: Ron Huxley is father of four children, two of which are his step children. He is the author of the book: "Love and Limits: Achieving a Balance in Parenting" and founder of the Parenting Toolbox web site. Get more special reports and
articles at http://parentingtoolbox.com/join.html

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]>