Latest Articles by Walkman http://www.articletrader.com/ Articles at ArticleTrader en-us Are You Addicted to Bad Relationships? http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/are-you-addicted-to-bad-relationships.html http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/are-you-addicted-to-bad-relationships.html Sun, 12 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0500
Many are the people caught in the web of addictive relationships. And often, we ourselves realise that we have been in relationships that have disappointed us in some way or another... relationships that didn't work out the way we had hoped, wanted or thought they would. And, we're not just talking about intimate and love relationships. We're talking about toxic friends, back stabbing relatives, abusive partners and controlling family members, vicious colleagues.

Sometimes the poisoned relationship is with a family member or an in-law. Or perhaps a friendship has lived out its purpose. In this case, so much time has been invested in the friendship that it is hard to let go. However, addictive relationships are most often evident in romantic interactions between men and women.

UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress but can also cloud your life with frustration, emptiness and despair. It can drain your energy and make you tense and stressed. Addicts become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self-personal identity is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person's identity and problems. Such people struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves. Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them.

One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are addictive. In case of romantic relationships, entering a relationship based on the fear of being alone is totally self-destructive. In this type of scenario, an individual will choose to be with just about anybody to fill the void he/she has in life. Desperation for love and romance to fulfill your desires may lead to selection of wrong partners. So, if you use your fears and insecurities to make your relationship decisions, you inevitably will have to suffer pain and suffering.

ATTACHMENT HUNGER

A person who is excessively attached to another person most likely carried those habits over from past relationships. The conditions in past relationships can leave a person feeling inadequate or mentally and/or physically abused. Romantic relationships are not the only type that causes such habits to develop; they can also stem from lack of nurturing or attention during childhood, isolation or detachment from family, early abandonment, unrecognised early needs and fears of rejection. Often, children who are not loved, nurtured and encouraged in their independence are left feeling 'needy' as adults and may thus be more vulnerable to dependent relationships. These 'clingy' feelings which develop early in childhood, often operate without awareness and can exert considerable influence on a person's life. Often, dysfunctional relationship patterns are passed on from parents to their children.

Thus, unhealthy relationships can be a source of great agony if there is emotional or physical abuse involved. Often, relation addicts do not want to see or believe that their parents, spouses, children or friends can be a toxic influence in their life. This kind of denial may last a lifetime, or it may give way to a painful awareness that the relationship is not healthy. Also, for many people caught in this trap, it is often a vicious circle. For them, the end of one relationship is not always the end of the battle. They choose destructive relationships over and over again. The consequences of their choices are painful and emotionally damaging, yet those that engage in this repetitive behaviour never seem to learn from their experience.

BREAKING THE CYCLE OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS

All relationships leave very important clues about who and what we are. Try to remember all the relationships that you know have been bad for you. Think of the relationship history and look for patterns, themes and repeating incidents. "If it is all about everyone else and what they did to you, it means you are a victim, helpless to affect change. When you can see where you are contributing to the problems, you can make changes. Personal accountability is the most empowering tool for healing. You can talk to a trusted friend or a counsellor depending upon the severity of your situation. Sometimes having an outsider's perspective is helpful. Such a person can help you filter through your options and underlying motives for making a decision. Often, it is difflcult to sever ties with people with whom you are emotionally involved - say family members, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, ete. Breaking up will not be easy. Be sure to resolve any guilt you might be feeling. Too often we let other people relate to us on the basis of our weaknesses and faults. We are attracted to bad traits in people and consequently, these characteristics lead to unhealthy relationships. These people have no other way of relating to us. It will take some re-learning and re-conditioning to achieve this change of relating to others through our strengths, especially if the negative relationship has been long term. You have to let go of negative relationships. It could mean you have to break a business partnership. It could mean you need to call off an engagement. It might require you to avoid toxic friends and acquire some new friends who are true to you.

STAYING IN A BAD MARRIAGE

Married people stay together to work out their issues. This approach to marriage counselling believes that your partner is the right person to help you heal your wounds. With this approach, many marriages can be saved. However, there are three reasons to leave a relationship: The Three As. There is severe abuse, severe adultery and severe addiction. These three extreme conditions rarely change. In such cases, getting out of the relationship is important. You are putting yourself, and possibly others, in serious jeopardy if you continue to stay in the relationship. Divorce in such cases is merited. Also, partners sometimes stay in bad marriages for the sake of the children. But this can be a big mistake if there is abuse involved, because doing so puts a terrible burden on the children. But marriage experts believe that each marriage has different issues and if the problems can be solved amicably, there is no need for divorce. A study conducted by sociologist Linda Waite at University of Chicago suggests that staying together is better for the children. She writes in The Case for Marriage that "most current divorces leave children worse off, educationally and financially, than they would have been if their parents stayed married, and a majority of divorces leave children psychologically worse off as well. Only a minority of divorces are taking place in families where children are likely to benefit in any way from their parents' separation. I do not advocate divorce as a first step when a marriage is going awry. There are always ups and downs in a marriage. Anyone can manage life during good times. It is getting through the bad times that makes or breaks a relationship.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

It is not difficult to break bad relationship habits. Once you decide to let go off your clingy nature, healing will automatically come. Once you aim to heal your past and maintain healthy relationships, you will automatically stay away from associating with toxic people. Always try to keep your relationships healthy. People in healthy relationships grow together and don't stunt each other's progress. Learn to respect your individuality and give and take space. Sometimes we have to associate with negative people, but if you have a healthy self-esteem and courage to stand up for yourself, you won't be affected by such people. Thus, the first step towards breaking bad relationship habits is having a strong conception of your own identity. Often, we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. So, if you feel contempt for yourself or think very little of yourself, you may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to you. Learn to recognise such patterns in your life and pluck them off. There will be anger, resentment, hurt and pain. But, you will be breaking your psychological dependency on other people. Recovering from relationship addiction is a process of acknowledging and then letting go of pain, and finding ways to build a happy life.

OVERCOMING RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION

1) Make your 'recovery' the first priority in your life. Look for roots of emotional abuse.

2) Go through your early relationships. Tell yourself that you're an adult now, in charge of your life. Invest your time in disconnecting from the emotions that have been eating you alive.

3) Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself, i.e., fill in gaps that have made you feel undeserving or bad about yourself.

4) Learn to stop managing and controlling others; by being more focused on your own needs; you will no longer need to seek security from others.

5) Develop your spiritual side, i.e., find out what brings you peace and serenity and commit some time, at least half an hour daily, to that endeavour.

6) Learn not to get hooked into bad relationships.

7) Find a support group of friends who understand the pressures you might be facing.

8) Consider getting professional help, if need arises.

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Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and the proud owner of http://www.go-get-guys.com. Recently, he has launched another website http://www.lovers-lounge.com for singles and married couples who needs new and refreshing ideas to rejuvenate their sex life and relationships.



Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> Are You Just Married? http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/are-you-just-married.html http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/are-you-just-married.html Sun, 05 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0500
The relations between two people irrespective of gender, is more straighforward and clear with two ego states coming into the picture. In other cases, where more than two people are interacting with one another, the relationship becomes extremely complex and risky as the number of ego states involved are more.

Another noted psychologist, Dr Eric Berne, is quoted in a famous book, Games People Play, (author: Thomas A. Harris) as having opined that each human being has three ego states - the child ego state, the adult ego state and the parent ego state.

Conjugal relationship: This is a unique relationship which opens the door to enjoyment and friendship on a lasting basis. Dr Morrissey says that just after marriage everything may appear to be normal and easy.

But after a while, it can be boring to perform sexual rituals without proper understanding and psychological back-up. You should not perform the sexual act as a quickie. The frequency of sex can be mutually decided.

In his book, Urge - hot secrets for great sex, the author, Dr Gabrielle Morrissey, says that it is natural for passion to change over the course of a relationship. When we are in love, our bodies are flooded with the "love chemical". When you come together with your spouse the first time, the act is filled with lots of loving, hugging, lingering kisses, sex-talk and touching the body all over while trying to explore the body.

Like beauty spots, there are sex spots too. Find the sensual parts of your partner's body. Discover your own original tricks of sex play. As time goes on, you get much more experienced in the game and you enjoy your physical association. It is a win-win situation for the husband and wife.

Your myths and mindset: Since birth, you develop certain myths and then stick to them. You should always be ready to modify and change your mindset, attitude and thinking. Otherwise, these myths can become a hurdle to your adjustment in conjugal life. You develop a particular kind of psychological fear. For example, a person who has been an introvert and has not mixed much with the opposite sex, will feel shy while performing courtship and intercourse. This may prompt the partner to label him or her as impotent or frigid. This usually proves to be false.

George Bernard Shaw was not handsome enough to invite the attention of women. But, because of his intelligence and deep understanding of women, he was a VIP in any social gathering. Women craved to get close to him even to the extent of having a physical relationship with him.

According to him, "A woman is composed of emotions and is a bundle of feelings. You have to uncover her layer by layer. If you open a single layer wrongly, the whole bundle gets upset and you just can't win her over." The way to a woman's body is through her heart. Getting the body of a woman involves getting the complete woman in her.

This is possible only when you understand her mindset, emotions and feelings. She will never submit to physical assault as a duty. After all, her total personality is at stake.

Dr Arjun Niyogi, a noted psychologist, says, "The first step to win over a woman is to give her due respect. A woman never likes a man who does not know how to regard her as a human being." According to Dr Prabhat Joshi, another famous psychologist, the following are a few points worth consideration, in this regard:

· Spouses should be well dressed, smart and appealing.

· Spouses should be unique, having noticeable qualities and features. Some of these qualities may be courage, appearance, quick wit and humour.

· Spouses should confide in each other only to the extent they feel is safe and necessary. Irrelevant talk relating to past life or affairs must be avoided.

· To keep the relationship natural and satisfying, one should avoid bragging or showing false pride. This hurts the feelings of the life partner, though he or she may not be able to express it if reserved by nature.

· Never try to economise expenses on entertainment. It helps in laying the foundation for a happy married life.

· Do not develop the habit of sharing the secrets regarding whatever happens between both of you with others. It will complicate your personal life.

A British expert on sex, Dr Hexley Gray, opines that without an emotional attachment, sexual relations become a compulsion and formality for the couple. With the proper emotions, the relationship becomes a celebration and collaboration, much more than just the meeting of two bodies at the physical level. You really enjoy each moment of fun and courtship. You enjoy the touch of skin. The warmth of the bedroom should be most comforting.

An orgasm is the ultimate aim of having sex. Both the husband and wife should value openness and build trust in the relationship, and feel that it is safe to speak about their private feelings. Can a woman reveal secrets without the fear of being judged?

In his famous book, Games People Play, Thomas A. Harris explains that we engage in time-structuring in the form of pastimes, rituals, gossip, activity and withdrawal (loneliness). How we pass time determines what we become.

Resolve your issues peacefully. Dr Jitendra Prasad, a noted psychotherapist always tells his clients to resolve their issues and problems by amicably settling them through healthy and mutual discussions without involving a third person or party. More than 80 per cent of issues are of a personal and private nature and are not worth revealing to others.

When you are trying closer to each other, you have to give space and time to see that the relationship grows gradually and naturally and that the other person is comfortable with you.

If you do not give each other space and time, a destructive process starts, wherein you go ahead with your biased mindset.

You start committing mistakes time and again, till relations are totally spoiled and contaminated beyond your control. No patch up or mending is possible at this stage and the seed for divorce has already been sown.

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Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and he has written several articles about love, dating, marriage and relationships. Visit his collection of dating tips for men at www.mendatingmanual.com and don't forget to check out his free relationship advice for women here at www.womendatingmanual.com.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> How to Cope Up With Your Middle-Age Loneliness http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/how-to-cope-up-with-your-middle-age-loneliness.html http://www.articletrader.com/self-improvement/how-to-cope-up-with-your-middle-age-loneliness.html Sat, 04 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0500
These are people who love to be alone but when this "being alone" seems like a punishment and you yearn for company, then the aloneness has changed into loneliness, which can hurt. It hurts the most when there is the possibility that you can have company but you feel that the other person chooses not to be with you. Then this enforced aloneness makes you feel sorry for yourself as you feel unwanted.

This is mostly the case with women whose husbands remain very busy with their work. Women feel that such husbands have a choice and if they wanted they could spend time with them. This sort of loneliness seems more like a punishment because the emotional trauma is there that your husband does not love you.

If there are teenage children and they are not ready to give time to you, it can be very frustrating. The same child who could not live without you for a minute, now has a separate life of his/her own in which you do not figure at all. Of course, you will feel hurt because your own flesh and blood is not giving you the time and consideration which is a part of expressing love.

In joint families, you may have to do a lot of work. You may have to care for elders and look after a large family. If you feel that you are being exploited by your in-laws and your husband does not take your side, you are bound to feel all the more lonely because you feel forsaken by your own husband. This feeling of being neglected is thus the main reason for loneliness when a woman is staying in a family where there are other family members.

To beat this loneliness there are steps we can follow that will make the loneliness bearable.

1) The first thing is to be prepared for loneliness. If you are ready for it and accept it, loneliness becomes easier to bear. For this the romantic blinkers of the Mills and Boon type has to be removed and the mind should be made to accept that the husband will not stand with a rose for you and be chivalrous all the time.

He has to work and that obsession to get success and prosperity can be very time-consuming as the world has become very competitive. Once this acceptance is there, you will not blame your husband and he will not become fed up with you. On the other hand, your acceptance will make him understand your loneliness better.

2) Don't expect anything from anyone, not even from your husband and children. They did not in any way take over the contract to keep you entertained, so you couldn't be bored and lonely. They have their own lives to lead and they can give a modicum of company but you should not expect that their aim will be just to make your life free from the feeling of loneliness. When there is no expectation, there will be no disappointment.

3) Being self-sufficient is the main way you can remove loneliness. You should stop depending on others. You should be ready to fend for yourself. If you are complete in yourself and don't need others you will not become like a creeper depending on the main tree, rather you will be capable of being a support to others to lean back on.

Self-sufficiency would make you complete in yourself. You would take responsibility for your own feelings whether they are of happiness or sorrow or loneliness. This self-sufficiency will help you to manage on your own and that will free you of the need for others. You need not stop loving. You need not stop expressing your feelings. All you need to do is that, whether you are alone or with someone, you should feel content and peaceful with yourself without blaming another person for what you feel or not feel.

4) You should think less and become a woman of action. What is the use of thinking and wounding yourself that, "Nobody loves me. Poor me, I am lonely." Find the solution yourself there and then. Don't think but get up and do something that you like. When there is no time for such useless thinking and you are fruitfully occupied, loneliness will have to be quite away from you.

5) So, what is important is that you develop your own hobbies which you love to do and see to it that your time is well spent and you are not lonely. Whether it is gardening, reading or any other activity which you relish even though it gives no profit, then it will also help you remove loneliness.

6) It would be better, of course, to do some work which lets you earn. The only requirement is that it uses the time you are free if you are not career-oriented and bent on building your life with ambition. Of course, nothing stops you from having a full-fledged career, if you are ready for that. Don't look after the children yourself but, with a clear conscience, pass the responsibility to someone else.

7) Helping others in your free time will also help whether you just sit and talk to an old neighbour who has no one or visit a hospital to cheer people up. Seeing the condition of others can end self-pity and martyrdrom and so loneliness seems hardly a punishment but just empty space to fill up with fun and action. So, what you need to do is to keep busy.

8) It is important to be positive and not negative in attitude. Translated into action it means that you should see the bright side of things and hope and have faith that the things you are deprived of will come to you soon. Hope and faith can pull you through the worst conditions.

9) Be kind and think of how tried your son is after his tuitions and how weary your husband is after his work.

10) What is essential is that you stop thinking as being a martyr. You feel that you are blessed by the circumstances and life. At least, you have a husband. At least, you have a child.

It is worse for those who live all alone without a family. But then one has to manage. Such people should stop thinking of limits.

You should feel that the world is your family. This may be difficult but when you include others within the purview of mind, you will always be with the feeling that you have company. It will also keep you busy and so loneliness will be pushed away.

Thus loneliness is a state of mind that you should take up as youe own duty to manage and not wait for others to help you out. It is all a matter of mindset and you can make your will-power dictate to your mind and heart to do something when you feel lonely so that you don't slip into self-pity.

Then, loneliness will not be a punishment at all.

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Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and the proud-owner of Love-Lectures.com. Recently, he has launched another website www.lovers-lounge.com for singles and married couples who needs refreshing ideas to rejuvenate their sex life and relationships.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> Make Your Honeymoon Lively With Skirts! http://www.articletrader.com/society/weddings/make-your-honeymoon-lively-with-skirts.html http://www.articletrader.com/society/weddings/make-your-honeymoon-lively-with-skirts.html Fri, 03 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0500
On a honeymoon, a couple gets to understand each other's lifestyles and both learn how to adjust with each other. The world seems a magical place. This is especially true for women who see the world through rose-coloured spectacles during this period. One of the reasons for this is that they boldly anticipate the pleasures of sex!

Actually, a honeymoon is primarily about sex! This is what is on the minds of both the new husband and the new wife! For full enjoyment of intercourse, they need the perfect location - one that will heighten the tingling in their bodies. Once they have found the perfect location, they can begin to move towards that perfect moment when they become one! Besides location, the kind of clothes a woman brings on her honeymoon is of the utmost importance.

PERFECT SETTING FOR SEX

Most women find a hut on the beach the perfect setting for sex. But it must be a hut which has all modern amenities and is not just comfortable, but even luxurious! The closeness to sand, wind, waves and water, makes women feel close to Nature and then the act of intercourse seems so very natural and wonderful.

As far as clothes go, both skirts and lingerie allow them to show off their delicious curves and a honeymoon is definitely the time for this! So, when a woman is packing for her honeymoon, it would be great if she packed loads of enchanting honeymoon skirts.

A woman's skirt can make passion run so high that their men just can't stop looking at them. And, for a woman, a honeymoon is all about her husband staring at her with lustful eyes and a heart full of passion of love!

Skirts need not reveal all - they should just give a promise of what is hidden inside and inflame the husband. Mermaid skirts with ruffles are very sexy and create a sensational buzz.

Women always spend a great deal of thought on what to pair with their short skirts. One "honeymoon" solution to this problem is to pair short skirts with stylish bikinis!

Shirts should highlight a woman's waist. White skirts are just fantastic at doing this. Skirts can be made even more elegant and sexy with a clinging shoulderless top. One can be bold in teaming colours. Black and purple make a great combination.

Women can make their honeymoons a blast if they team great skirts with the right bras and tops. When long legs are revealed with short skirts, men will come closer right away! Brides should understand that their honeymoons will be rocking and all their dreams of romantic and yet wildly passionate sex will be realised if they make sure that their outfits are stunning.

Christiana is a New York model and her favourite attire is short skirts teamed with sexy tops which expose her sensuous body in the most provocative manner. She enjoys the flutter she creates on the street, but she is married and is much more concerned about the effect her dress and antics have on her husband. She therefore loves to dazzle her man with an extraordinary performance when they steal a weekend for themselves from their busy schedules. This is how Christiana makes sure that she and her man doing this. Skirts can be made even share a deep and intimate bond.

It is very important for a couple to start their married life with a honeymoon that is memorable. During this special time together they can establish bond that is both magical and unbreakable - one that will keep them together and happy the rest of their lives!

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Michael Douglas is a couples' therapist and a relationship expert. Check out his latest websites www.go-get-guys.com and www.lovers-lounge.com where you can find refreshing ideas to rejuvenate your sex life and relationships.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> Introducing Cats to Cats http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/pets/introducing-cats-to-cats.html http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/pets/introducing-cats-to-cats.html Thu, 26 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0500
Next, put the new cat in a room alone with its own food and water bowls, litter tray and bed. Begin feeding the new cat and the other cats on either side of the door, putting their dishes near, but not too close, to the door. Gradually, over a day or two, move the dishes closer to the door.

Now, open the door a crack, just sufficiently for the cats to be able to see one another while they feed, and wedge it. Also, exchange the bedding of the newcomer and the residents so that they become familiar with each other's scent. Some experts actually recommend spraying both lots of bedding with one of the cat scent pheromones, such as Feliway, that are now available. Once the newcomer is eating and using its litter tray regularly, allow it out from time to time to explore the house again, still without meeting the other cats face to face.

Finally, you can open the door wide for a while so that the cats can mix. Do it gradually, extending the contact time more and more as things settle down. There may well be some moderate displays of aggression and fear with some growling, hissing and spitting at first, but unless they are severe, these almost always tend to diminish steadily. If you see either cat becoming distinctly aggressive or frightened, separate them, not by charging in but by throwing a large towel over each of them and carting them off so that they can reconsider things. You will then need to begin the introduction process once again. Make sure you have a litter box for each cat plus one extra. During the 'getting to know you' period, which can last weeks, it is best to keep the cats separated when you go out.

Throughout the process of introduction, it is vital that you continually boost the confidence of the resident cat. It should receive more attention, more fussing over, than the new arrival. Of the two cats, it is the one to feel affronted, and it will be on the lookout for any sign that your affections have been transferred to this Johnny-come-lately. Of course you must make friends yourself with the newcomer, play with it, stroke it and talk to it, but in the initial period you should do this only when the resident cat is not present. Whenever you are with the cats, keep talking, always quietly in an upbeat, encouraging tone of voice, never shouting or scolding.

This familiarization by separation technique, of introducing animal strangers to one another is essentially the same as that used in zoos and safari parks for tigers. In their case there is more visual contact, as the two animals are on each side of a gated mesh barrier. There is of course no question of human beings going in with them, let alone holding them on laps. With tigers, the two individuals get to know one another well, but without bodily contact, over a much longer introductory period of at least one year. When, at last, it is considered time to open the gate and let them mix, it is always an event of high tension for the zoo staff, even though for months the animals may have behaved impeccably towards one another.

A tranquillizing dart rifle is loaded and ready, just in case, although most tiger introductions pass off without trouble, but it is not very uncommon, as the two big cats at last come face to face with no weld-mesh between them, for one suddenly to pounce and, within the twinkling of an eye, deliver the classical, lethal neck bite. No time for tranquillizing darts then. The cause of the tragedy, once again, is probably territorial.

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Visit http://www.catfactfiles.com for tips on cat training, preventing and solving your cat behavior problems. Extensive information and FAQs about pedigreed cat breeds, cat health and general cat care tips.



Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> Introducing Cats to Dogs http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/pets/introducing-cats-to-dogs.html http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/pets/introducing-cats-to-dogs.html Thu, 26 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0500
The dog should be praised and rewarded for good, obedient behaviour in the presence of the cat, never punished, so that it does not come to regard the cat as being the cause of any punishment. That could lead to the dog 'taking it out' on the cat when it got the chance.

The next stage is for you to arrange scenarios where the dog and cat meet in the same room with the door closed. Don't rush bringing the two together; let them take their time. The dog must be watched carefully and on its best behaviour, calm and obedient, with no excited prancing about or barking. You will need patience as the scenario will have to be repeated perhaps many times, but eventually the two pets will metaphorically shake hands, or paws, and become friends.

Additional considerations

When introducing a cat into a household in which a dog is already resident, you should bear the following considerations in mind:

1) The cat must have escape routes and sanctuaries in the house available at all times. Faced with a bothersome dog, a cat's first reaction is to flee and hide rather than make a fight of it.

2) When you are away from home during the introductory period, you should always keep the two animals separate.

3) Always feed the cat on a shelf or a working surface - somewhere high that the dog cannot reach. As ever, a high vantage point will give the cat a feeling of security and contentment.

4) Place the cat's litter tray somewhere where it can gain access, but the dog cannot. Keep the cat flap locked until peace and amity reign in order to deter the cat from leaving home for good.

5) Feed the dog separately and alone; dog food is not suitable for cats and a cat trying to take a mouthful from the dog's bowl could cause the dog to react tetchily.

6) Until the dog is totally unconcerned by the presence of the cat, you should leave its lead attached to its collar, even in the house, just in case it decides to make a dash for Puss and you have to grab it.

7) It is sometimes worthwhile giving the cat and the dog each its own territory; for example, the cat having upstairs and the dog downstairs. There should be no trespassing, to begin with at least.

8) Don't rush things. Remember that the introduction period between the two species can be as long as three months or even longer.

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Visit http://www.catfactfiles.com for tips on cat training, preventing and solving your cat behavior problems. Extensive information and FAQs about pedigreed cat breeds, cat physiology and general cat care tips.



Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> The Neutered Cat http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/pets/the-neutered-cat.html http://www.articletrader.com/home-and-family/pets/the-neutered-cat.html Wed, 25 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0500
Un-neutered queens can have three litters of kittens a year for about twelve or thirteen years, although it is said that one tortoiseshell had her first, and last, kitten at the incredible age of twenty-eight. From about eight years of age, the size of litters drops, but it can be calculated easily that an unsupervised - let's be honest about it - uncared-for, un-neutered queen could give birth to hundreds of young over her lifetime. The record for kitten production is held by a queen from (where else!) Texas, who had her 420th kitten at the age of eighteen in 1952.

Advantages of neutering

The advantages of neutering are obvious. Toms give up their gallivanting, and their urine, so often sprayed around the home as territorial marking, loses most of its pungent macho odour. Queens aren't pestered by neighbourhood suitors who have the habit of leaving their urinary calling cards on your back doorstep. Oestrus periods, with all the restless caterwauling and attempts to go out cat clubbing, occur no more and, most important of all, the owner is not faced with home-finding for handfuls of young cats or, saddest of all, having them euthanazed.

Disadvantages of neutering

So, what are the disadvantages? Is neutering, as people sometimes say, 'cruel'? What changes in the neutered Thinking Cat? Neutering is certainly not cruel. The operations are carried out under full anaesthesia, are very safe, and are most unlikely to involve complications or be followed by medical after-effects. As the whole purpose of neutering, as far as the cat itself is concerned, is to lessen stress, harassment and the incidence of illness and injury, it is more than justified. It is most essentially humane and its value to the cat population as a whole is quite clear.

Some, but by no means the majority, of neutered cats tend to put on extra weight after the operation. Most neuters continue automatically to regulate their daily food intake, avoiding any tendency to obesity and not needing to be put on one of the slimming regimes now available.

Mentally, there is no doubt that the neutered Thinking Cat becomes somewhat more of a home-loving, calm and contented character, untroubled by the periodic swings in mood and behaviour that are fired by the powerful urgings of the sex hormones. Of course, its niche in the hierarchy of cat society, particularly as a tom, plummets, certainly in the neighbourhood, and also very often in multi-cat households. But he or she remains as intelligent, responsive and alert as ever. As we shall see, some males like, so it is recorded, eunuchs in the Turkish sultans' harems, may even retain a degree of sexual interest in the opposite sex.

It is worth noting that some cats which, instead of being neutered, receive progestagen type contraceptive/ anti sexual aggression medication for a long time can become rather lethargic and over weight, and occasionally lose hair and develop a 'pot belly'. Long-term use of this type of drug has also been implicated in triggering cases of diabetes, uterus inflammation and abnormality in function of the adrenal gland. I think these compounds are perfectly good and safe for the short term, but for a permanent effect on the cat, spaying or castration is much to be preferred.

--
Visit http://www.catfactfiles.com for tips on cat training, preventing and solving your cat and kitten behavior problems. Extensive information and FAQs about pedigreed cat breeds, cat health and general cat care tips.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> Go, Get Yourself A Massage http://www.articletrader.com/health/alternative/go-get-yourself-a-massage.html http://www.articletrader.com/health/alternative/go-get-yourself-a-massage.html Fri, 13 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0500 1. AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE OFF MY UNDERWEAR?

Many people prefer to keep their panties or briefs on during a massage, others prefer to be nude. If your problem areas are your lower back, hips, buttocks or groin, tight-fitting underwear can get in the way of massage work, but a thong for women or briefs for men do the trick. But ensure that you are always properly covered by a sheet or towel. Only the area being massaged should be uncovered.

2. WHAT IF I REALISE THAT I'VE DROOLED?

Many people fall into a peaceful slumber during the massage but when they wake up, they notice a pool of drool on the pillow or massage table. This is very common. It often happens when people are being massaged while lying face down on the massage table. Ask the massage therapist for a tissue. It's that simple!

3. WILL THE MASSAGE THERAPIST BE THERE WHEN I UNDRESS?

In many salons/spas, the massage therapist will leave the room so that you can remove your clothing and lie on the massage table (usually face down) under the top sheet. Don't rush or worry that the massage therapist will walk in on you; they always knock and ask if you are ready before entering the massage room.

4. SHOULD I TALK DURING THE MASSAGE?

Although some people prefer to talk throughout the massage, don't feel compelled to make conversation with the therapist. The massage therapist often works on deeper layers of muscle and will want to ensure that the pressure is not uncomfortable. But be sure to speak up if the room is too hot or too cold, if you experience pain, if you have any questions related to the massage or if there's anything you forgot to mention during the consultation.

5. WHAT IF I GET TURNED ON DURING THE MASSAGE?

Some men don't get massage therapy because they worry that they'll get turned on. It's perfectly normal for men to get an erection during a non-sexual, therapeutic massage. Gentle touch administered to any area of the body can activate the parasympathetic nervous system and turn you on. Your massage therapist (male or female) understands this and will generally ignore it.

6. I'M SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT A CERTAIN PART OF MY BODY...

People are self-conscious for various reasons. Some common concerns are: I'm overweight, I have excessive hair growth on my body, I've got acne on my face or back, my feet are ugly or I have scars. Being self-conscious should never keep you from seeking health care, whether it's visiting your doctor or seeing a massage therapist. If you're self-conscious about a certain part of your body, you can ask the massage therapist to avoid that area.

7 I'D RATHER SEE A SAME SEX MASSAGE THERAPIST. SHOULD I REQUEST FOR ONE?

Some men don't feel comfortable getting a massage by a male massage therapist. It may be due to outdated social and media stereotypes of the profession or the fear of getting turned on during the massage. Meanwhile, some women prefer female massage therapists because they say they feel more comfortable with them. Do what you feel good about. Your massage, your call!

8. AM I SUPPOSED TO TIP MY MASSAGE THERAPIST?

If you get a massage at a spa or hotel, a 15-20 per cent tip is standard (if you were pleased with the services). On the other hand, there are no ground rules when it comes to a massage in a medical setting. Some therapists say that tipping isn't appropriate in a medical setting. If you aren't sure, call ahead to ask if you should tip or not.

--
Michael Douglas is a massage therapist and a fitness coach who also runs a website www.massagemanual.com.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> What You Ought To Know Before Getting Married? http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/what-you-ought-to-know-before-getting-married.html http://www.articletrader.com/society/marriage/what-you-ought-to-know-before-getting-married.html Thu, 12 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0500
Don't waver between, "Should I?" or "Should I not?"

Entering into anything half-heartedly can end in disaster. If marriage is not what you want, do not be forced or cajoled into it. Being single has its own charm - the freedom it gives one is a wonderful lure. If marriage is something you do want, be sure that you feel drawn to your partner-to-be. Do not be pressurised into accepting someone you don't have a liking for.

Avoid acting in a manner which says, "I'm easily available".

Flirtatious behaviour and ways which clearly show that you are an easy catch do not add to your worth. It may tempt boys to have some fun with you but it will send you hurtling down in their estimation. The shy hard-to-get miss has far more appeal.

Be wary of Internet romance.

It starts as a bit of fun and ends with all fun drained out of your life. In cyberspace one is anonymous and nobody knows what the real truth is. So, don't be dazzled with the novelty and charm of it, but look before you leap into cyberspace.

Talk over those cherished dreams of yours with your partner-to-be.

The girl's right to a home of her own, to take up a job and related matters do not figure in marriage discussions among elders. It is for her, therefore, to tactfully find out her partner's stand on matters that are important to her.

Fiona's was an arranged match and, when George told her they'd be staying with his mother, she spoke out her mind saying, "But I need my own space. If you can't give it to me, this marriage will be no fun and I'd rather opt out of it." They talked this over with his mother and came up with a solution acceptable to both. With prickly matters like these agreed upon beforehand, the marriage stands to gain.

Seek knowledge, for it is a safe guide while ignorance can misguide.

A girl needs to be mentally prepared to take up her new role as wife, daughter-in-law and mother, but sad to say, she often is not. There are matters - personal, health-related and sexual - that the couple, especially the girl, would like advice on. But parents treat these matters as taboo. In that case, the couple should seek information from books and on-line material or go for counselling. Sound knowledge is the basis of a sound marriage.

Being prudish and refraining from talking about intimate concerns can hurt a marriage.

Certain questions like when to start a family and how big it should be, did not arise in the past but are inevitable now as present-day couples are driven by personal ambitions and pressures of work.

Being very specific about such matters can take a load off the mind.

Newly-wed Wendy was deeply distressed and when pressed for the reason, told her husband about her fear that kids may stand in the way of her higher studies. On being reassured that they'd think of children only after she had fulfilled all her ambitions, she was relieved. Such assurances are important, for thwarted desires can give rise to negative feelings in a marriage.

Your appearance and looks can send your man's heart racing.

So, be graceful and dress decently. Look attractive and smart and, above all, maintain a trim figure even after marriage. Every man likes to show off his wife but a dowdy and badly-dressed woman is someone he'll cringe from. Dressing revealingly, however, is a big no-no. Though men enjoy seeing skimpily dressed women, they don't want their wives to dare and bare.

Remember the age-old saying "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach".

It was grandma's approach route. It has been tried out for years and has vintage flavour. Why not make it yours by learning to be a good cook?

A happy home can bind hearts together.

So, master the art of good housekeeping and make your home invitingly bright and warm. "I hate to go home because mine is a filthy place run by a scowling wife," complains a husband as he walks away in disgust.

That should remind you that winning or losing a battle on the home front depends largely on how bright your home is and how vivacious you are.

Courtship time need not be all romance and moonshine but can be reality-check time.

It can be an opportunity for the couple to learn about each other's strengths and weaknesses, loves and hates and anything else of importance. This will not only prepare them to adjust to each other's ways but will also enable them to use their own strong points to offset the weak ones of the other and vice versa.

Seeing her fiance spending lavishly on her, Karen knew that he was a spendthrift and pointed out that this could be a hurdle in their marriage. "I'm frugal," she told him," and am adept at saving. So, let me handle the household finances after marriage while you do something you are good at, like choosing the gadgets and seeing to their upkeep." Since it was courtship time, he readily agreed. As feelings are warm during this period, agreements are not hard to reach and small arrangements like this can help marriage click in a big way.

Know that lovers' bliss has to end some day.

When this happens, flaws are detected, irritation surfaces and anger erupts. Every couple needs to be prepared to handle this stage and to do this, they must be well apprised of certain time-tested ways of interaction that can be helpful. Here are some:

Cultivate the I-for-you and you-for-me attitude from the very start.

Marriage is neither dominance nor servitude but a partnership. So, partners should learn to forget the egoistic 'I' for the self-effacing 'we', in their relationship. Jane hated to forego her early morning sleep and her husband came to her aid by finishing off all the early chores. This pleased her so much that she readily overlooked the way he threw about his things untidily, and tidied up for him. Such a give-and-take attitude can lessen friction in marriage.

Learn to handle your partner's ego with care.

Marital relations deteriorate when egos are hurt. Egos need to be cherished with appreciation rather than be crushed by constant fault-finding. During courtship, appreciation is unstinted and everything is rosy. Couples should remember this and they should be firmly committed to putting into marriage what made life so great for them before.

Let's face facts. "My wife is a great cook and the dishes she cooks are always great!" brags Dennis to his friends - but he never tells her' so. "My husband has a nasty temper but is very helpful around the house," admits wife to everyone else except her husband.

This failure to give due credit to each other builds up resentment in both. Each day offers so many opportunities to every couple to say heart-warming words to each other. If you say them as you readily, did during your courtship, much that goes wrong in marriage can be set right.

This is because appreciation is a great mood-enhancer and a healer of emotional hurts. It can be the vitamin A that keeps your marriage in good health.

Add spice to your married life with some romantic moments.

When two heads come together with antagonism they will soon be at loggerheads, but romance has that magical ability to drive away unkind feelings from the mind. A few quiet moments together, a short walk in the moonlight, a soft touch, a lingering caress, a silent locking of the eyes, sweet nothings whispered into eager ears, do not take time but they make you forget hurts and keep hearts locked in love's embrace. So, give this magic of love a chance to keep things straight.

Learn to fight the right way.

Fighting is an inbuilt danger to marriage but it need not be an evil that destroys it. I once heard a lawyer and his wife fighting so violently that they could be heard all over the place. Minutes later, they were walking arm in arm to their car. That's how fights should be: just a release for pent-up feelings and forgotten in a flash.

Not dragging yesterday's faults of omission and commission into today's quarrel is important, for that would be nagging which really hurts and wounds. Nobody wants to lose an argument, so a little give and take or meeting your partner half-way is a great idea.

Marriage, as all will agree, is a 24 X 7 commitment, highly taxing and very demanding with no holidays allowed and no breaks permitted. Such a trying relationship will not flourish on its own.

Strange to say, so much time, attention and money are spent on the wedding, which is a one-day affair, while no thought is given to preparing the couple for marriage, which is an exacting life-long involvement.

With a little prior guidance and direction, a couple can be emotionally prepared and mentally conditioned to adjust and attuned to each other's needs in living together. When that is done, much that can go wrong in a marriage begins to go right.

--
Michael Douglas reveals the key secrets to a happy marriage and here are some signs to know if your man is ready to tie the knot.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]> What Attracts a Man to a Woman http://www.articletrader.com/society/sexuality/what-attracts-a-man-to-a-woman.html http://www.articletrader.com/society/sexuality/what-attracts-a-man-to-a-woman.html Thu, 05 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0500
And even with appearance, he goes straight for the jugular - those aspects that signify a woman's sexuality are most attractive to him. For a man, the seduction game is all about sex, sex and more sex. Only then comes - even more sex! A woman might as well accept this and be resigned to the fact that it's the sex appeal she oozes that scores over all other attributes she may possess - mental, emotional, spiritual, whatever.

Evolution has geared men to look for facial sexual signals. Research shows men are most attracted to a childlike face, for this arouses their paternal instincts to touch and protect. With eyes, men world over go for the large, luminescent variety. When a woman is attracted to a man, her pupils dilate. Contact lenses give the impression of glistening eyes and permanent dilation of pupils. And sure enough, studies reveal that men find women with contact lenses very sexy! Lips, if we are to believe Freud and zoologists, are an outer manifestation of a woman's sexuality and fill with blood and swell up when she is excited. Men find full, sensual lips attractive. Do you wonder at the silicon injects women undergo to get the bee-bitten swollen look?

For the rest, men find a woman with long neck and long hair more appealing. Long necks signify gender difference, while long hair indicates good health and so potential to produce healthy offspring.

Coming to body shape, a man's ideal for women is a waist-hip ratio of about 70 per cent - and this ratio is actually an indicator of high fertility in a woman. All men love breasts and cleavage, and find a rounded, protruding behind attractive - a symbol of fertility since time immemorial. So, ok, with a man, looks do matter. And how! To the extent that over time, women's bodies have evolved as sexual signals to beckon men!

However, things are different when a man is looking for a long-term partner. Unlike women, men, with their age-old hunting instincts, know exactly what they are looking for when their search for a partner begins. And, a man makes a difference between short-term and long-term partners, with criteria for both differing.

If it is a fling or a one-night stand he is looking for, he looks out for women who are provocatively dressed, sexy and a little drunk and loud. If she doesn't drink, confesses a male colleague, forget about it! You aren't in luck that night. For a short-term affair, she must also be friendly and warm into the bargain.

However, if a man is looking for a long-term relationship, the criteria changes. Now he's looking for a beautiful girl, warm and friendly. She should be sexy but not overtly so - after all you wouldn't want a Mallika Sherawat as long-term girlfriend, would you, exclaims the colleague in horrified tones! She should be 'different' from others - warm, attractive and a good conversationalist. Research shows personality, good looks, brain and humour is a man's wish list in order of priority for a partner.

A man likes a woman to say positive things to him, ask questions about and show interest in whatever he does. Of course the one thing that puts him off is a woman who clings - is too needy and wanting all the time. A woman must give him his space. A trick the colleague shares is that the woman must keep withdrawing a bit and coming back again - so as to keep him on his toes. A man appreciates a slight aloofness over a clingy attitude.

If a man needs to appeal to a woman's vanity to be attractive to her, she needs to appeal to his ego if she is to make an impact on him. Most men are susceptible to compliments that boost their self-esteem. And nobody knows this better than a woman.

Give him single-minded attention, flirt with him, prod him on to talk about his day and work, make appropriately appreciative sounds at the right places and soon you will have him eating out of your hands. Till you keep him guessing, he will dance attendance; the moment he knows you are hooked, he will relax his guard and start taking you for granted. A man somehow is convinced that a woman dresses and grooms herself for him, though research shows women dress more for other women!

Men, however, draw a straight correlation between the amount of effort women take with their appearance and their interest in them. As a result, if somewhere along the line a woman stops looking after her appearance, a man sees it as a signal that he is no longer important to her!

And so, just like a man must never stop complimenting a woman, a woman must always look-after her appearance for her man's sake. If he must always pander to her vanity, she needs to pander to his ego. When a woman looks for a sense of humour in a man, she means he should be able to make her laugh; when he seeks a woman with a sense of humour, a man means she should be able to laugh at his jokes! While a woman looks for a bit of a scoundrel in a short-term relationship, he is looking for a bit of a vamp. However for long-term, both change criteria and look for more mind than matter! Now she seeks a guy with potential for moving ahead, while he looks for a good homemaker.

Sounds so clinical and unromantic, doesn't it? And yet, knowingly or unknowingly, it all boils down to just that! What's so different about the 21st century? Primal instincts are still as much at play beneath a veneer of civilization.

--
Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and the webmaster of www.loversmanual.com where he offers free dating tips for men on how to succeed with women.

Source: http://www.articletrader.com ]]>