Stop Counting Lovers!

Let me ask you a few questions:

• Are you one of those people who has a running count on the number of lovers you've had?
• Are you a man who loves to boast to his friends about the number of notches on your bedpost?
• Are you someone who EVERY TIME you get laid has to add that person to the list so you can tell someone about it?
• Are you someone who has slept with very few people who is proud of the number of people you've slept with yet not proud of your lack of experience, so instead of experiencing people to become a better lover you protect that number like you do your credit rating?

It seems like we've become a number obsessed society . . . especially on the Internet. Everything is about a number.

On myspace.com or facebook.com, it's how many so-called friends you have. Everybody wants to be your friend, so their number is greater than somebody else's.

How about on online dating sites? Don't tell me you never look to see who has viewed you and how many people view you on a daily basis.

What about practically every article on the homepage of Yahoo or AOL? They're all about the number; they're all about the “top three things . . .” or the “top ten ways . . .”

Life has become about being a number. The higher your number, supposedly the cooler you are . . . except when it comes down to counting lovers. It seems like the more lovers you've had, the more judgmental people are about you.

Take this hypothetical situation. Mary meets Bob (no relation to our resident psychopath doctor) and she likes Bob. Mary has slept with 3.6 people (the 0.6 person being a man she met on vacation who was only able to get 0.6 of his penis inside her). Bob meanwhile has slept with 73 people.

During their dating process, Mary asks Bob how many lovers he's had. So Bob, being proud of the number, tells her.

Now I know what some of you are thinking. What about disease? Sleeping with a lot of people and being safe most likely means you won't be getting an STD. STDs don't count numbers . . .they count unprotected sexual encounters.

When Mary hears the number of lovers Bob has had, she freaks out. To her, this evokes the memory of Bill Belichick running up the scoreboard on her beloved Washington Redskins. She can't get the 52 -7 score out of her head, so her attraction level for Bob dies. This is ridiculous!

It does not matter how many lovers someone has had before you. All that matters is the person they've become throughout all of their experiences.

As far as I'm concerned, I couldn't care less if a woman has had a hundred lovers. I don't look at her as being dirty . . . I just look at her as someone who has been free with her body, and who has experienced all the wonderful things life has to offer.

As for the guy who brags to his friends about the number of lovers he's had, he really needs to grow up and stop trying to prove that he can “get” women. That's all that kind of bragging really is . . . for when a person counts lovers, it is usually about their ego and about proving something to themselves.

Maybe we should start a website for people who like to count lovers called “myface.com,” where people could put up little pictures of all the people who have sat on their face. That way instead of bragging, you could just send someone to your “myface” page so they could check out all the lovers you've had.

When I was in my early twenties I used to count lovers because it was all about ego. I stopped counting lovers a LONG time ago. So please don't ask me about how many lovers I've been with . . . just ask me what I can do for you.

www.davidwygant.com