Habitually Sorry?

"It's all my fault. I am to blame", we can call it victim consciousness, or allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat. It is very important to face up to the fact that it is not ok and that it is possible to do something about it. Firstly, we need to define the feelings more clearly. Is it really true to say we feel sorry? - This suggests responsibility and remorse - or is it actually more accurate to call it shame or guilt? Such feelings as these arise usually in response to our being blamed or accused, whether or not we are truly accountable for any dismeanour. This happens a lot to children who get the brunt of a parents anger; if it happened to you then there's a good chance you're still holding on to some residual feelings of shame and guilt.

Blame and guilt are the cornerstones of our public society and we see how excited the media gets when an opportunity presents itself to vilify yet another politician for yet another indiscretion that would possibly be ignored if the "wrong doer" were not in the public eye. Why? Because it sells. The consumer (you and me) buys this stuff, so the media does whatever it can to acquire more dirt to make public. The buyer and seller are equally involved. We all go around titillating and being titillated to our heart's content while one after another politicians watch their careers go pear-shaped simply because they've been caught doing something that, given hall a chance in the same situation, a lot of us would possibly do just as quickly! It's all rather strange isn't it?

Of course there is a need for process to be in place to correct the antisocial behaviour of a person acting against the best interests of their community - maybe this needs to be punishment, maybe not - but let such retribution be in the name of justice rather than titillation or bullying.

So are you someone who has been blamed rather more than is fair? And do you have strong feelings about it?

The next big question is surely: do you intend to do something to clear the problem so that your life can become less burdened with this habitual shame? This is an important decision because you need to believe in the possibility of healing, and take steps towards demonstrating the belief optimistically, confidently and free from rancour and cynicism. There are ways to go forward with this and you need to trust this.

You may be aware of the 7 Words Model - No, Hello, Thanks, Goodbye, Sorry, Yes - that gives the four keywords for Sorry as Responsibility, Remorse, Repair, Release. This shows how to get through the four necessary steps that lead to healing. It begins with a major shift of perception - that instead of being a helpless victim, done to, abused and helpless, you in fact in this matter have a significant degree of responsibility and therefore authority and power. You can begin to see yourself as an active creative participant in your own life process.

As you learn to apply these ideas in practise you will find that the people around you respond differently to you, especially the ones whose own negativities have been shielded by your willingness to be scapegoated. Typically they will respond by putting even more pressure on you to submit and be trampled on. You'll have to find a way to deal with this - so very much depends upon your ability to handle their chagrin. You will need to try to find a place in yourself where you can be both strong and compassionate - because it serves no one to be vengeful or uncaring and such attitude will rebound upon you later.

You may want to read up a bit more on this process - the 7 Words Method - because it is a simple intuitively clear process that can help you free yourself. There are Ebooks, free questionnaires and so on, on the website.

Free Questionnaires and Mini Courses are available on the 7 Words website (http://www.7words.co.uk), interactive fun with the "satisfaction index calculator" at http://www.7wordsassociates.org/psychology_spotlight.php