Happiness Factor: Being Right Instead Of Happy

In the book of 1 Corinthians 13:11 we read, "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." When I was a young child I had a concept that I was quite an intelligent person, this was reinforced by teachers and my parents and to some degree my peers (I would say friends but I was somewhat socially inept). This feeling evolved into a need to always present myself as the "smartest guy in the room," this ultimately led to a number of debates in which I would attempt to disprove anyone with a differing opinion and convert them to my way of thinking. As anyone who has attempted this has noticed, it doesn't really work out that way, and usually your "adversary" becomes even firmly more entrenched in their version of what is correct.

As I grew older I found myself becoming a much more socially capable person, but the constant need to be right continued as a pattern in my life, to the degree that I alienated a number of people due to my "cleverness" which was in fact insecurity poorly disguised. It was at this time in my life that I came across a passage that changed how I look at everything. I can't recall how I found it (or should I say it found me) but it goes along these lines, "you can be happy, or you can be right, but you cannot be both." It was a very eye opening thing for me, and at that point I decided to "put away childish things" and end this quest that I had to always be right. It was a difficult thing to begin doing, and it remains something that I constantly have to be vigilant about, but the difference in my life was almost immediate, there was a weight lifted off of every conversation, there was much more acceptance from myself as to other people and their opinions, it was remarkable, especially in my relationship with my wife. She didn't know what to do with me at first; suddenly I was a much more pleasant person and to cap it off I had a measure of peace in my life that I hadn't had in years, it's so interesting how quickly everything changed for me at that point.
Giving up the need to be right is one of the first steps I believe that anyone needs to take to find the happiness that is inside you. This does not mean you agree with everything that anybody says but you accept someone's opinion as that and if you feel it necessary to share your opinion you may consider doing it in a way that stresses that you are just looking to discuss, and not convert. I have found that when there is a discussion going on that involves varying opinions on a topic I feel strongly about if I preface my thoughts with, "Now this is just my opinion." It opens up the conversation in a way that makes it much easier to converse about the topic at hand. If you find someone is getting retaliatory in a conversation, it is okay to end the conversation before it escalates, just say, "I am interested in sharing ideas, I have no desire to convert you to my way of thinking, if that is your purpose this conversation will have to stop, but if you are okay with a free exchange of ideas without passing judgment by all means let's continue." Most people will be baffled at that sort of straight forward talk, but it should either keep the conversation going along smoothly, or stop the conversation before it becomes a battle of who's right. Just give it a try when sharing your opinion, don't state everything you believe as though it were fact and the other party is deluded. Just share an opinion and take the time to listen to what the other person is saying. More often than not you will find that you are in at least some degree of agreement which helps everyone involved to feel more comfortable.

Keith Callister Self Improvement Coach
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www.YouAreHappiness.com
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