Healing the Holidays - Seven Keys to Creating a Fulfilling Holiday Experience

Holidays can activate powerful emotional charges, calling forth as much distress as joy. These may be connected with past memories or with wishes we have in the present for ourselves and those we love. Here are seven keys to using those emotional charges to create a more fulfilling and less stressful holiday experience, no matter which holiday or celebration it is.

1. CELEBRATIONS & PLAYFULNESS: Many holidays provide opportunities for both children and adults to come out and play. What kinds of activities would add fun and celebration to your holiday and with whom do you wish to spend it? Some long-standing traditions feel nourishing; sometimes, however, you'll want to create new traditions. Examples of playful celebration for holidays such as Christmas include parties, drives to the country, playing in the snow, caroling, tree decorating, attending concerts, etc.

2. SPIRITUAL EXPRESSION: Many holidays carry a deeper, more sacred, significance. Which activities help you express your spiritual connection to this holiday? Examples of spiritual expression include meditating, prayer, attending services or rituals that are part of your chosen religious or spiritual tradition, volunteering in a soup kitchen or making other donations to charity, reading stories about the origins of the holidays you're celebrating, etc.

3. REMEMBERING: Holidays tend to be particularly uncanny in their ability to invite old memories and recent losses to our awareness. We may find ourselves remembering pleasant and painful holidays from our past. We may have experienced the death or loss of someone important over the past year. Others who are precious to us may be unable to be with us for this holiday. Because these issues come to the surface during the holidays, devote some time to honoring those people and memories. Set aside time alone or with others to remember those whom you wish could be with you during this holiday and to grieve or honor those whom have died or left your life this past year.

4. COMPLETING & LOOKING FORWARD: Some holidays, particularly those occurring toward the end of the year, offer natural opportunities to review the past year and set goals for the next. What goal-setting rituals are nourishing for you to do alone or with others? Examples of New Year rituals include doing a year-end review, expressing gratitude for what you've learned over the past year, making amends with others, setting goals for the coming year, and expressing wishes you have for others and for the world in the coming year. Make plans for creating this holiday in a happier and/or more fulfilling way next year, and forgive yourself for what you didn't do this year. Remember that changing holiday traditions takes time - often years - to fine-tune!

5. GIVING & SPENDING: Many holidays are times of giving. There is the danger of over-giving. This includes spending too much money on gifts, too much energy cooking, and too much time with people you'd rather not be with. Giving without regard to your own boundaries inevitably leads to resentment and exhaustion. An Over-Giving Prevention Plan can help: Commit to give out of love rather than out of guilt. Find your limits based on the life energy you have rather than expectations. Pay attention not only to total amount of time and money but also to the amount of time or money you can lovingly devote to a particular task, activity, or person without becoming resentful. What can you give and spend, and with whom, without resentment? How much money can you spend on gifts (or how much time can you spend making gifts, sending holiday cards, and for whom), without becoming resentful? Get honest with yourself and live in alignment with your boundaries and your integrity.

6. PERSONAL RE-CENTERING ACTIVITIES: Many holidays are preceded by preparation, which means the danger of neglecting the self-care activities that keep you centered and energized. Being true to your personal boundaries can help you maintain your self-care routines. This will help make any holiday more joyous. Make specific self-care commitments to yourself ahead of time. It's okay to take “time-outs” from the family or the hustle and bustle. Going on regular walks (alone or with others who nourish you), checking in with growth-oriented friends, going to support group meetings, journal writing and meditation, and eating and sleeping well are all part of a wonderful self-care plan. Which self-care/re-centering activities will work for you?

7. PLANNING FOR GLITCHES: Most of us can reasonably predict where the hurts or fights will arise surrounding any given holiday, the varieties of distress that happen each year, and with which people these will occur. Make a list ahead of time of the types of incidents you anticipate could occur and the specific new actions you are willing to take this year to take better care of yourself when or if these circumstances arise.

I know from personal experience that these strategies really do work to support joy and love during any holiday. I wish you a nourishing holiday experience!

Click here for a free set of “Fulfilling Holidays Planning Sheets” to help you implement what you have read in this article.

Click here for a free set of “Fulfilling Holidays Planning Sheets” to help you implement what you have read in this article.
Dr. David Gruder is a psychologist whom Radio & Television Interview Reports has hailed as “America’s Integrity Expert.” An award-winning health & wellness, self-help and social change author, he speaks, trains and consults worldwide. His latest book, "The New IQ: How Integrity Intelligence Serves You, Your Relationships and Our World," and its companion, "The New IQ Integrity Makeover Workbook," are groundbreaking how-to manuals for integrity-centered life fulfillment. For further information, visit The New IQ website