On Deserving

I’ve spent the last two years working on my personal development. In this process, the one thing that has always proven difficult was the idea that I deserved good things, that I deserved the things that I desired.

I know that this is a problem for many people. I finally decided to sit down and get introspective about this. I have read in many places that journaling can be very helpful for figuring out your emotions and beliefs, and I’ve always enjoyed writing, so I wrote down my thoughts, journaled them, and then decided to write this article in the hope that it might help others.

The concept of “deserving” is formed in our minds very early. We are told that we deserve some punishment or that we don’t deserve some reward as a result of our behavior. We are almost never told that we deserve something good. As a result, the concept of deserving gets tied to negative images and negative feelings. When we finally grow up and are then able to intellectually know that we deserve something good, we can’t help but feel icky, or put off by it.

So in our minds we know that we deserve something good, but in our hearts we don’t feel that we deserve it. And when it comes to creating our desires, we much more easily manifest the will of the heart over the will of the mind. We essentially push what we desire away from us, knowing that we deserve it, but feeling that we don’t.

What a mess! So if our concept of what we deserve was formed when we were younger, then I suggest that we should go back to that younger mind, or younger self and teach that self, which is our self, something new.

Now, stay with me here. Imagine a time when you were younger, and you were told that you didn’t deserve something. As you picture the scene, I want you to keep the image of yourself clear, but fade and change the rest of the picture. See your younger self in a calm, peaceful place.

Walk up to your younger self. In a kind voice say, “Even though the lessons in life are bumpy, you still deserve all good things, just like everyone else.” Now, imagine giving your younger self whatever it was that had been denied her. Smile and say, “Yes, you deserve this, and all that is good.” See your younger self smile, and feel the warmth in your own heart. You may need some tissues with this one, it’s alright.

Do this again and again for any instance that stands out in your mind. Know that as you change your younger, inner self, that you are changing as well. As you do this exercise, tell yourself daily that you deserve all that is good in the world, and you will find that any bristling or nagging to the contrary will fade away.

It’s also important that you harbor no ill feelings toward the people in your past who told you that you didn’t deserve something. They were probably only doing what they thought was right. Instead, imagine those people and tell them, “I deserve everything that is good, no matter what. I always have and I always will.”

Finally, picture yourself as you are now. Imagine giving yourself something that you desire. Say to yourself, ‘You deserve this, because you deserve everything that is good in life, no matter what.”

I’m not a doctor or in the psychology field. I’m just someone walking through life, trying to make a life, and working on myself in the process. If you need professional help, get professional help. But if you’re like me, just working on yourself, try these exercises, and join me in teaching your heart what your mind already knows.

You deserve unconditional good.

You deserve the best.

You deserve what you desire.

Ignacio Ceja has spent the better part of his adult life studying health and fitness issues, as well as writing whenever the muse is upon him. He's often amused.