Fear is a four-letter word… only if you let it be

Fear will always be a part of our lives. There are times when fear serves a healthy purpose – stopping us from dangerous situations. But many people allow “fear-based thinking” to make decisions for them, which affects their ability to be in action; often saying “I can’t....” before even exploring the possibility.

The objective is to “manage” fear successfully by using daily tools. The goal is not to feel fear again or to ignore them– that is unrealistic. It is part of the human condition. Believe me, fear will surface in some crafty way (the 3:00 am staring-at-the-ceiling syndrome for example). We want to manage the fear in the moment so negative self-talk, self doubt, and paralysis is not created.

The goal: accept fear as just another emotion in your life and turn it into a data-collection exercise.

You may be thinking that this is not possible because you feel fear so deeply, however, this article will give you the tools to achieve this goal, with practice and repetition.

Successfully managing your fear is a very important technique because as you are creating your dazzling life, you will be stepping out of your comfort zone many times. Fear will be a part of that process. But it doesn’t have to throw you off course to achieving your dreams.

I have found that there are two types of fear:

Type 1 – Fear of Situations
Moving Starting a new job
Death Car accident occurring
Retirement Financial instability
Major illness Starting college
Type 2 – Fear-Based Thinking

Fear of rejection
Fear of success
Fear of failure
Fear of not looking good
Fear of being dependent
Fear of ridicule

These two types of fears affect your quality of life. It causes you to play small vs. living a dazzling life. It can even be downright destructive.

Where does this type of thinking come from? Usually from our families who wanted us to be safe when we were children. Studies have found that children hear the word “no” more than 150,000 times before the age of 18. We also hear:
o Be careful
o Don’t do that because you might get hurt
o Think twice

This started us on the path of self doubt and second guessing ourselves.

Here is the first “key” in what I call the dazzling life key ring:

Monitor your silent self-talk

Researchers have found that 78% of our self-talk can be negative. That’s 46 minutes of every hour we are criticizing, doubt, and shaming ourselves. So our first step is to stop this insanity!

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Dazzling Life Success Key #1: For the next 10 days monitor your fear-based thinking, and more specifically, your word choices. Here is what to look for:

I can’t … If only…
I should… I hope…
I shouldn’t … Yeah, but …
What if …
As we know, awareness is the first step. So become aware of how you are fueling the fear fires with your own self-talk.

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Here is an interesting statistic….more than 90% of what we worry about never comes true. Let me repeat that…more than 90% of what you worry about never comes true!

And yet you are choosing to let your fear-based thinking make decisions for you. Can you see the irony (and sadness) in this outlook?

Now, a key to use when you are feeling fear. You don’t have to do anything different yet. I just want you to start analyzing the fear as your next step in self-awareness.

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Dazzling Life key #2: Become very clear about what triggered the fear you are feeling right at the moment you are feeling it. What exactly triggered it?

 A new situation that makes you feel unprepared
 Worrying about someone else’s opinion
 A way of thinking as taught by your family
 Thinking about past failures
 Worrying about looking silly

Please go deep within yourself and just feel the fear….yes, give yourself permission to feel the fear – from the DATA COLLECTION perspective.

Ask yourself, “I wonder what is causing me to feel fear?” Don’t get caught up in the “story” about the fear. What is the trigger that caused the fear - is the question to be answered?

Now please don’t just mentally think about this exercise. Writing it down is a crucial element. Studies have shown that when we write things down it goes deeper into our subconscious mind.
Here is an exercise you can do to help take the energy out of a fear-based thought:

Create two columns on a piece of paper.
Label the left-hand column “fears”
Create a thick, vertical dividing line and label it “really???”
Label the right-hand column “fear-busting thought”

Here is an example:

Left column - I don’t know enough to get a job in that field?
Now hit the pause button and ask yourself, “REALLY??
Right column – I am making up a story. Therefore, I will do research and talk to people already in that industry to see if it is true.

Objectively look at what is written in the right column and ask yourself this double-check
question:

Is this how I am consciously choosing to live my life?
It is your choice – keep living with the fear or make new choices.
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We create our own reality!

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About Lorri Molinar: Lorri Molinari, founder of Your Dazzling Life, a company devoted to enhancing personal and professional development with the goal of clearing the path to peak performance. Lorri focuses on behaviors because they produce either peak performance outcomes or unintended derailing results.

Lorri has just released her new ebook entitled “Ready to actually achieve your goals? 10 steps to stop sabotaging your success.” Please visit her website to learn more www.yourdazzlinglife.com.