Narcissism is All About Him

Narcissism is a character trait that involves self-admiration, self-centeredness, and self-regard. Everyone has some degree of narcissism. It is what motivates us to get dressed and wash our hair in the morning. However, like many things, narcissism falls on a spectrum.

To the far right end of this spectrum lies the extreme or pathological narcissist. This person's narcissism is so severe or abnormal that when diagnosed, is classified as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Very few people realize that NPD is a real disorder that has been recognized by the American Psychological Association since 1980. In the past, it was often referred to as megalomania. It is an extreme form of narcissism.

This type of pathological narcissism is maladaptive, rigid, and relentless. It is a lifelong pattern of traits and behavior, which signifies obsession with oneself to the exclusion of all others. A narcissist lacks empathy and engages in a ruthless pursuit of gratification and dominance.

An individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder has an excessive need for attention and admiration. This need is so intense that it severely damages the person's ability to maintain relationships. This is because they suffer from extreme selfishness and have no regard, whatsoever, for the needs and feelings of others.

This describes the men I have loved—selfish and consumed by their own needs to the point that eventually, they could no longer see me. It was as if I ceased to exist in their eyes. My story is about these men, or narcissists, in my life and I tell it so that others who find themselves in a similar situation can recognize it for what it is. Although much of what he does is unconscious, a narcissist is only out for himself. You must understand this. He enters into relationships with women in an effort to fulfill his unmet needs.

There are many psychological theories on how one develops narcissistic personality disorder. There is now recent research, which even suggests that personality disorders may have a genetic component.

I want to be clear that in no way am I qualified to offer a professional opinion on how this disorder develops in a person, nor will I attempt to do so. I share my story with you for a few reasons.

First, I have always found it incredibly healing to write. In my opinion, if you don't have a means to channel your pain, it will stay within you and become toxic. Writing has been a catharsis for me. Writing and music are outlets I cannot live without.

The second reason I share my story with you is because I have found hearing from others who have had a similar struggle as my own to be very helpful. The majority of literature on the topic of narcissism is written by mental health professionals and clinicians. While these individuals are extremely qualified, they have not experienced what it is like to try to love a narcissist. I do not believe one can truly understand what it is like to love a narcissist unless they have been through it themselves.

In my opinion, individuals who have experienced a similar struggle can connect with one another on a level that far supersedes any other form of therapy. I personally find it very powerful to talk to others who know first-hand what I'm going through. If I am able to connect with one person who relates to my story, and as a result seeks help and support, I will feel good about what I've done. There is help out there, and no one should go through the disillusionment of a narcissist alone.

Listen to Lisa E. Scott at http://www.AllAboutHim.com where you can follow her on her weekly radio show - All About Him - building awareness on narcissism, offering advice on spotting a narcissist, and a support group call the Vain Forum, which is a message board and blog to help women get out of their narcissistic relationships that are holding them back.