Repeat Encounters

So you finally go and you talk to a woman. Opening and talking to a woman is based on the power of observation.

The other day we were walking down the street, and we saw this girl in the Farmer’s Market. She was really cute, and she had a sweatshirt on and the price tag was still on it, and I told one of the guys I was with to go tell her the tag was still on her sweatshirt. So he did, and they had a little short conversation.

This is what we always talk about – have short conversations with a lot of different people, because on a Saturday or Sunday, if you walk around the neighborhood, you’re bound to run into them again and again.

What just happened is that we just ran into the girl with the sweatshirt for the second time. So I walked over to her, and I said, “You’ve still got that sweatshirt on!” And she said, “yeah, I’m freezing!” I responded that it was a good thing she kept it on then, and we started talking a bit.

She said that she has a lot of sweatshirts at home, so I asked her where home is. She said, “my home is in Vancouver,” and I said, “Oh Vancouver – I love Vancouver, I used to live up in Seattle and Vancouver is one of my favorite places.”

So we started talking a little bit about Vancouver and then I said that Vancouver Island is amazing, it’s one of the most beautiful places in the world – very spiritual, serene, and passionate…” and then someone who was with me at the time said to her, “I like your sunglasses.”

So I had her starting to talk emotionally about where she is from, about her life, and everything else, and then someone paid her a compliment about the sunglasses, which basically stopped the conversation. The compliment took her out of the mindset of that emotional conversation and put her back into boring superficial talk again.

So that’s when I walked away. It was probably impatience – I was trying to take her on an emotional journey (because from the subject of Vancouver Island, I could have found out if she went there as a kid, and then I could have found out more about her as a person) – and instead we went back to the sunglasses.

The sunglass conversation just about ends it because there is nothing to talk about after that point. The person asked what kind of sunglasses they were, and she answered “Chanel,” and the guy said that the “C” on the glasses could have stood for “crazy” or whatever, but there wasn’t much else – it was done.

You work really hard to get her to start talking emotionally. The key thing is to listen to the flow of the conversation and the direction the conversation is going. If the conversation is going somewhere, then you should concentrate on that conversation – not on the exterior things – really concentrate on what is happening in the moment.

In that moment, she was starting to open up as a person, and you don’t have to point out things – in the beginning, it is always about making observations (“I love those sunglasses”) – that’s the opener. But you don’t want to bring the opener in after the fact. When you do that, a whole new conversation begins – and not a good one.

So she was really starting to connect emotionally, and I know, she was adorable –it’s funny how many men get distracted by a woman’s looks and can’t stay in the flow of the conversation. I don’t ever see the way that they look at women, because each woman to me is a different person – yes, I found her adorable and really sexy, but I wanted to know more about her.

I was trying to get to know her as a person, and what most guys will do is just try to get to know the superficial stuff. This experience was a great lesson.