Getting something for nothing

My girlfriend is an obsessive gold digger, she's expensive, but I love her, and hopefully she will become more affordable in the future. My friends agree that she is a gold digger and say that I am being used as a free meal ticket. I agreed with them, but I stood awake at night thinking of how I can make her take it easy on my wallet. Whenever I complain to her about her lavish tastes at my expense, she becomes furious and makes a scene in public. On one occasion she cursed at me so loudly that the police were called in to quiet her down.
There are few joys that can match the joy of getting something for nothing. If a person was given the right to go into any store and pick whatever they want without paying for it, they would have a very busy day. The thrill of getting something for nothing is more pleasurable than the most potent narcotic, and is much more addictive. If a person becomes used to the thrill of getting things without paying for them, that person cannot withdraw from that habit without participating in a rehabilitation and withdrawal program. In that program they are forced to work hard scrubbing floors and cleaning toilets before they are given anything to eat. At graduation time they are given a diploma that states that they are no longer a gold digger.
While having dinner at an expensive restaurant I tried to explain to my gold digging girlfriend how she was addicted to getting something for nothing and how it would be beneficial to our relationship if she entered a program that would cure her of her addiction. She said that she was not getting something for nothing and was paying me well for all that I was giving her. I asked her to explain what she thought she was giving me in return for my generosity. She said that she was an attractive and educated woman who not only was good company but was also an experienced lover. Her answer was a good one, and I had no reply
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The costs to an attractive woman are high, she has to workout in a health spa to maintain her shape, cosmetics and beauty parlors can run into a lot of money. If she is also educated and knows how to keep an intelligent conversation, those skills were learned in an expensive college. The art of making love comes through years of experience, and some of those years were painful ones
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After a night of contemplation, which was spent thinking about the high cost of maintaining my girl friend, I decided that her company was worth more than the money I was spending on her. The solution to my problem was obvious, I needed more money. When I returned to my job in the morning I asked the boss for a raise and got it. Our relationship has now improved, and I have stopped trying to get something for nothing.

single and retired