Midwestern Gigolos

I met Jerry when I was going to school at the University of Minnesota. Jerry was in his mid-thirties, tall, blond and I guess I would have to admit that he was a handsome man. It took me awhile to figure this guy out because he let his personal history out in little dribs and drabs. He\'d been a student at the U until he was thirty, at which point his parents decided that he was never actually going to graduate and they stopped throwing good money after bad.

To make ends meet Jerry took up two different professions: He was a dance instructor and then he was a nude model. When I met him he was still doing the modeling thing, but also working at a very upscale grocery store. Eventually Jerry got several months behind in his rent and I wondered what he was going to do, though I really shouldn\'t have worried much since it looks like he had a plan. I started seeing him in the company of silver-haired woman - maybe about twenty years older than Jerry - and each time I saw him it looked like Jerry was better dressed than the last time.

Then the light bulb went on over my head.

Jerry was a gigolo.

His choice of professions had been dictated by the fact that they allowed him to meet and talk with older, lonely women. And ply his trade. He never told me this in so many words, but it sure explained why he had been able to live with no permanent address for so many years. At thirty five, he was getting a little long in the tooth for his chosen career, so the last thing I heard he had settled down with her and I guess she had settled for him, too.

Most Gigolos here in the Midwest take a different route to living off the earnings of women. We have our pimps, of course, but that\'s not what I\'m talking about. Most of the gigolos here marry their marks. If you want to do it yourself it\'s pretty simple.

Here\'s how it works: To be a midwestern gigolo you - unfortunately - have to start by looking like you have something on the ball to attract your future mark. Not everyone has Jerry\'s looks or charms, so you have to have a job. It doesn\'t have to be a good one - steady will do. Get your mark to marry you, or if you move in with her make sure that she\'s paying the rent on the place.

Then lose your job.

That\'s it. You\'re a gigolo. Just live off of her for as many years as you can manage until she divorces you - and then you can collect alimony.

Steve Sommers is the author of REXROI, and Evil Super-Villains need Love, Too ... and other important wisdom. (Both books can be viewed by simply clicking on the titles)