Relationship Problems - Fear of Abandonment

Fear of abandonment is often an underlying insecurity that causes a person to sabotage and even destroy a relationship. Feelings of mistrust and suspicion drive patterns of control, which ultimately push a partner further away and eventually out the door completely. Fear of abandonment issues usually begin in childhood and are rooted in some form of parental abandonment. The obvious would be the physical absence of a parent, although parents who are unavailable on an emotional level often cause this issue as well. Most folks who suffer from a fear of abandonment often find themselves acting out of suspicion and mistrust. Frequently, they accuse their partner of being unfaithful, even when there is no basis for it. Out of fear, they police their partner's email, phone and personal belongings. Inevitably, this causes their worst fear, their partner abandoning them, to manifest.

Correcting this issue does not lie in changing your partner or in attempting to find one who won't abandon you; it rests solely in overcoming your fear.
Only when you stop abandoning yourself will others stop abandoning you. A woman sat on a park bench waiting for her boyfriend to meet her at 4 PM. 4:30 had arrived but her partner had not. She called him, and he explained that he was running late at work. He said he would be there shortly. Well, 5pm passed - then 6, 7 and 8! Without hearing from him, the women decided to go home. She became very upset. This triggered an already existing fear of abandonment, which ultimately led to a state of anger. When she spoke with her partner the next day, she yelled and screamed at him for leaving her on the park bench, and they ended the relationship. If she wants to end her fear of abandonment, she must take the necessary action to stop abandoning herself. Here's what she should have done: When he failed to show up at 4:30, she should have called him and said the following: I know you're busy at work, but I'm not going to sit here and wait for hours at a time. I have things I want to do for myself. So, I'm going to go home now. Maybe you can give me a call tomorrow and we can catch up. This action will ultimately change her mindset, and she will realize that no one can ever abandon her because she simply won't allow it by abandoning herself!

Regards,

David Roppo
The Relationship Rehab Coach