Role Playing

Recently I went out with a woman, and we started having a conversation about sex. What a shock. Me, talking about sex?

Anyway, we started talking about things we like. Put a margarita in two adults, and the conversation usually turns to sex as quickly as snow turns to rain in New York City. So in the middle of a crowded Mexican restaurant, she told me that she likes to role play.

Now, I've done some “role playing” in my life. Just the other day I was in Whole Foods, and I started squeezing all the rolls to see which was the freshest. I decided to go with the kaiser roll because it felt good under my fingers. I didn't really like the French roll because it felt a little stale.

I have never been much for role playing. I did have a girlfriend once who really enjoyed meeting me at a bar and have me seduce her into a a one-night stand.

She also made me dress up like a burglar. She would want me to come into her house late wearing a mask, rummage through her drawers, and then wake her up startling her. Then we'd get into this role playing domination fantasy.

It was some great sex. It was usually pretty fun . . . and I usually ended up with all her stash at the end of the night in her pillow case.

Besides that, though, really the kinkiest thing about me is my pubic hair. I'm really not that into role playing. What I have found living in Los Angeles, however, is that a lot of the actresses I've dated really enjoy some sexual role playing.

There are the “you've been a very bad girl” tushy spankers, a scenario which seems to interest a lot of women in Los Angeles. These women love to have their ass spanked, which is not really my cup of tea. I tend to start cracking up when I start spanking some ass.

Then there was this woman I met six or seven months ago who was really into role playing “genie and master.” I would tell her to blink her way over to my house, and then I would tell her all the things that master wanted genie to do.

Los Angeles is a very creative town, and role playing is running rampant here. A friend of mine and his girlfriend dress up in little outfits every night. They play doctor/nurse, chiropractor/patient, and they even have a pole in their bedroom so they can play stripper/patron.

The characters Smith and Samantha on “Sex & The City” spent a lot of time role playing when they first got together. Their role playing included the strangers in a bar scenario, and they even pretended to be an accountant and a taxpayer.

I am kind of traditional. I love dirty talk and I like to have sex in different places, but I stopped playing astronaut when I was five.

So I think if I was dating a woman who seriously wanted me to play doctor/patient and wanted me to examine her, that I just couldn't keep a straight face. Then again, who knows? If she buys me one of those little kid doctor kits with the plastic stethoscope and those really gross sugar candy multicolor pills . . . I might be able to role play with her. Otherwise, I'll leave the genie/master and the ass spanking to others.

You know what's coming next. Christmas is coming soon. Are any of you dressing up as Santa and the little elves? Do any of you have any Santa and Mrs. Claus role playing in mind?

If you're into role playing, let me know. I am curious about your experiences and which characters have been some of your favorites.

Personally, I prefer all women to call me “Spider Man.” Sing this song to yourself and replace your name for Spider: “Spider man, Spider man, does me whenever he can. Spin me around, watch out. Here cums my Spider man . . .”