The 7 Highly Effective Habits of Chronically Single Women

#1: Practice Emasculation - It is very simple to emasculate a guy. Simple things like giving him the evil eye, talking back, knowing better, always being right, holding grudges and blaming him for everything should get rid of him pretty easily. If ever you should be so cursed to have a guy enter your life the fastest way to get rid of him is to take over leadership and put on the pants in the relationship. Make sure you tell him that you're an independent woman and you certainly don't need a guy to make life easier for you. In fact, tell him that you can do everything a guy can do and then some. That ought to emasculate him fairly quickly and he should leave your life or cheat on you in no time. Then of course you are proven right again and you can say "I knew it was too good to be true."

#2: Practice your Acting - Make sure you continue reading lots of books that tell you how defective you are and how you should act differently in order to catch a man. After all, the real you might actually not only frighten you, but it would certainly scare the crap out of any potential man wanting to be with you. And of course, you can't have that, so it's imperative that you continue being someone other than you. This can be easily achieved by getting fake boobs, getting a face lift or two, lipo suction, the butt lift and cheek implants. The way you look is after all unappealing to any man, as you know.

#3: Continue the Drama - The best way to keep a man away and assure that you stay single is to hold on really tight to drama in your life. Any kind of drama: drama from your past, your girlfriends' drama, drama on TV or the Internet - any drama will do as long as you blow everything out of proportion and make a big deal out of everything. If ever a man has done something he shouldn't have, make sure you bring it up as often as possible, rub it in his nose and let him know over and over again that he's a screw up.

#4: Indulge in Negative Self Talk - By no means listen to Oprah, watch "The Secret" and do not listen to Abraham Hicks or any other positive thinking guru - they're all about manifesting the good life, about letting go and taking personal responsibility. Oh my, that is not what you want at all, so make sure you continue telling yourself how ugly you are, what a failure you are and how there are no good guys left and how you'll end up alone. Remember, you know best and you're right always.

#5: Be the Victim - Heaven forbid you would practice forgiveness after everything your parents and past lovers did to you! After all this hurt and pain forgiving them would mean that what they did wasn't all that bad when in reality they're the ones responsible for your miserable life. Pointing the finger and blame shifting is much easier than taking personal responsibility and doing some internal work.

#6: Demand, Demand, Demand - It's imperative that you know that you are a goddess if ever you do find yourself in a temporary relationship. Your first job is to establish that you are a queen and you demand to be treated in such a way. Make your demands clear that it's his job to take care of you and be a provider in every way and that you should not have to do anything in the relationship other than spend his money. Heaven forbid he asks you to go to counseling or asks you to apologize for something you said or did. It's all his problem like it was everyone else's right? So make sure you never apologize (because you're never wrong); just focus on demanding his blood and sweat and by all means never show appreciation or gratitude for anything he does (he owes you, remember?).

#7: Practice Lack of Self Care - The worst thing you could do for yourself is practice self care. By all means stay away from personal self growth exercises. Stay away from the gym. Going to a gym and exercising might actually give you self confidence and the strength to feel good about yourself. And by all means do not display your true feminine essence, which is the power from within. The power you want to practice is the one that competes with men in the workplace and at home of course. So make sure you chop off your hair, it's easier to take care of short hair anyway. Do not wear feminine smelling lotions or sparkles on your skin that show how much you might love your body. Since you're really hating yourself it's important that you show the world how unhappy you are, and the best way is to probably eat a lot of junk food and sweets. And by all means don't ever do anything alone. After all, going on a walk or a hike or going to the movies alone is for losers.

And my last advice, never smile at any man, ever. He might think you're hitting on him!

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