The Obsessive Wheel of Intimacy

It is often difficult to tell when you have fallen to someone and whether you should start dating, especially a platonic friend. Some people confuse love with obsession or even infatuation. If you find yourself in this situation, then you definitely have a problem. If you are not sure whether yours is a case of obsession or just a crash, then you have a serious problem that slightly goes beyond the obsession limit. If you have an obsession for someone, there are four proven ways of helping you prove that indeed you have the obsession problem. In each of these stages, a person exhibit uniquely identifiable behaviors which easily distinguish between them.

When you are obsessed with someone whom you could be dating, you lose control over your emotions. The term ‘wheel' is used to show the recurrent nature of obsession. Things go round and are repeated only that the rate of repetition may vary according to the level of obsession.

The first stage is called the attraction stage and this is when the desire to see or talk to the object of your love is just beyond your control. Your mind is always trapped in the world of romantic fantasy. You feel hooked to someone all the time. Any slight change of behavior in the person you are in love with bothers you, and you feel the urge to find out more about this the first time you meet that person.

In fact on your dating, anything like compatibility may not seem relevant to you. You also care very little about the person's personality. This stage hooks you to the person, forcing you to make unrealistic assumptions about the person. The mind readily entertains the idea of some magical powers fighting whatever obstacles that might seem to be coming in the way of your pursuit for your lover. You may find yourself wanting and even trying to control the person who has obsessed you.

The second phase is often a turning point in terms of your relationship. There appears to be commitment between the two people who are actively dating. The person who is obsessed may get into this stage without having gotten the consent of her perceived lover. The place of intimacy is often replaced by a kind of illusion. This illusion remains the same regardless of what the partner's true feelings may be. The obsessed person starts to feel that the partner may by unfaithful and this ignites questions about the daily activities of the lover. One starts to fear that he or she has been abandoned. This fear makes the person communicate all the time through phone calls and emails.

The third stage marks the peak of the obsession. This is the height of dating relationships that are bound to fail. The attachment becomes so close and unhealthy and becomes the most important thing in life. The other person becomes overwhelmed and chances of the person being loved pulling out of the relationship become very high.

The fourth phase is called the destructive phase. The reality that the relationship is headed for the rocks becomes a reality. This is precipitated by the behaviors in the third phase. The resulting depression takes toll on the individual's self esteem.

Francis K. Githinji Is A Researcher And A Writer on Life and Society Issues. His Latest Project Free Online Dating Service Shows How The Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His Blog At Dating