Considered Getting Divorced? (pt.2)

Many married people consult a divorce attorney before making a final decision on their marriage, most times to check out their rights. This is not a bad idea. However, remember that it is not the attorney's job to say to you 'try to reconcile and work things out, or seek counseling for a period.' While some of them may suggest this, it is the attorney's job to get the best settlement, and or as much time with the kids (if any are involved) that he can get for you, and also to get paid. Remember, your spouse's attorney will be seeking the same. In the end, the divorce process becomes antagonistic. It's now you against your husband or wife.

In the divorce process, the system puts one partner against the other, with a judge in the middle making the final decision. Usually, the most persuasive side wins. While this may be a good strategy for a criminal or commercial case, this is not always in the best interest of a family. It puts husbands against wives, mothers against fathers, which results in animosity and leads to......the trial.

Even though a partner may just want to protect themselves, sometimes this attempt to protect could lead to lack of civil communication or may kill the possibility of reconciliation between the two.

The mere fact that you have consulted an attorney means that you have given serious thought to getting divorce. You can always pull the trigger on your marriage. But when you do, realize that this will change your life forever; especially if children are involved. Therefore, I usually suggest that after you have given up on your marriage, that you give it at least one year to attempt to reconcile, and during that time, do every thing that is in your power to save your marriage. I suggest this for two reasons: 1) If the marriage did not work out, at least you would have given it your all. You won't have to feel guilty about doing so. You won't have to say 'what if I had done this' or 'what if I had said that.' 2) Sometimes, when a marriage hits rock bottom, or seem to be at the end of its rope, that's when things turn around. I have seen this happen on many occasions.

My final point is that history has proven that reconciliation is possible if the other partner did not seek to retaliate.

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Rochelle Forbes is a Marriage and Relationship Counselor. She lives in Orlando Fl. and posts articles on her blog. You can have FREE access to her newsletters which contain great tips and ideas for married couples by typing in your first name and email address at the website listed below:

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