Divorce Your Partner, Not Your Kids!

Divorce breaks the families and takes away the social security and peace that a proper family provides. It leads to the in-laws getting distanced from their son in law or daughter in law, as the case might be. Throughout the process, others are generally mute witnesses to the scenario unfolding in front of them.

As the divorce proceedings progress, besides the affect it has on the divorcing couple itself, other members of the family are also torn apart. This is perhaps more true in the context of the children of the divorcing couple as any other.

The position of the children is perhaps the most poignant of all. This is because they may not even understand as to what is happening to their comfortable nest; leave alone the reasons behind the same. They may try to look for answers and find none.

Thus it is imperative for the couple to keep in mind all aspects related to the children, even while they are moving apart from each other. As the heading itself suggests, the couple may divorce each other, but not their kids.

The children must get to have the same sense of comfort that they had enjoyed in the compact and united family, to as much extent as may be possible. This may be a much more difficult thing to achieve as compared to spelling it out.

Everyone has to remember that the divorcing couple has undergone or still is undergoing an emotional upheaval that is of an exactingly high nature in itself. For them to look after their own self, at this stage of life, is, in itself, a very major task.

Nevertheless the children should be kept as far away from the shadows of divorce as is possible. In so doing an earnest and concerted effort will have to be made by both the parents. It may even involve taking some extra help from the grandparents of the children.

If this is not done with due care and throughout, then it is bound to affect the children in a very negative manner. Their outlook towards life and towards other people around them is bound to be impacted by the way they are treated by their own parents.

During the divorce process itself the children may show several signs of emotional disruption. They may become cranky and irritable. There might be episodes of violence and disobedience that the parent may have to encounter.

In other instances the children may become quiet and turn into recluses. They may start withdrawing themselves from the outside world including their friends at school and in the neighbourhood. It is possible that their grades at school also show a substantial climb down.

In yet other instances the children may feel as if they are in some way or the other, responsible for the state of affairs. They feel as if their family is breaking down on account of their bad behaviour or something else associated with them. In such scenarios the children may actually improve their overall behaviour, thinking that this may, in some manner, save their family from the disintegration being faced by it.

In all the afore mentioned cases, it is for the parents to understand that the child is simply reacting to the circumstances surrounding him or her. The children have to be dealt with kid gloves both literally and practically.

If this is not done then the children may have a negative view point regarding the world around them. They may grow into disgruntled youth who may not be able to leave a healthy footprint on the society or contribute in a positive manner.

For this to be avoided both the parents must spend as much quality time with their children as may be possible. One must keep in mind that it is not the length of time, but the quality of it that is of great importance in this context.

Not only is it important to be good to the children, it is equally important to have a healthy relationship with one’s ex spouse also. Only once the children see their parents treating each other with due regard, will they be able to respect both of them.

The parents must give a patient and compassionate ear to their children’s woes. They should also make it a point to be there for them at all important events, whether it is a ball game or a ballet dance or any other such function.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com