Important Ways to Protect Children from Divorce Trauma

Reaching an accord that is fair and just over a division of this magnitude is extremely difficult. Heated discussions are bound to ensue, but every divorcing couple has to remember that quarrelling in the presence of children should be avoided at all costs. It impacts them negatively.

Parental Conflict

However, many people are disinclined to accept that parental fights affect children. Some have even expressed the view that familial conflicts teach the children that differences of opinion are bound to occur in any relationship and conflict resolving has to be done in a healthy manner. Fighting over and hashing out minor issues in front of children is acceptable, but fights should never degenerate to name-calling. Children should never be called upon to take sides and neither should serious issues like spousal infidelity or money matter conflict be addressed in their presence.

Such fights somehow lead the children (especially the younger aged) to believe that they were responsible for their parental fights and the subsequent divorce.

Children Require Repeated Reassurance

Children often interpret bits of floating conversation they chance to hear, and tend to believe that they are responsible for their parental disunion. Such thoughts usually take root in their mind, when they hear their parents quarrel over them. Usually, children begin thinking that their neglectful approach to studies or some imaginary failing of theirs was responsible for the disunion.

Such reasoning is dangerous, for they invoke guilt and induce helplessness. Explain to your children that they have no role to play in this decision making process. Reassure them repeatedly, as children take time to realise. Constant reassurance dispels their doubts and they finally begin believing you in spite of the rare occasional doubt that might flit through their mind.

Keep them busy, involve them in plenty of extracurricular activities, and leave them with little time to mull over the disunion. You will soon find that time has healed their wounds.

Keep Your Children Busy

Keep your children busy, especially during the holidays. The post-divorce is a period you need time for yourself to recoup your sanity. The joy of discovering something new will divert their attention and they will also enjoy displaying their new learnt skill. Reward your children suitably to keep them well-motivated and your children will regale in the appreciation they get.

If all your efforts of keeping the children busy are met with failure, just bring in plenty of movies for them to watch and keep the kitchen shelves lined with their favourite goodies. The underlying concept here is that keep your children busy and happy, in the post-divorce phase.

Shower them with lots of love. They are obviously missing out on the loving care they would have usually received from your spouse.

Shower Children with Love

Parents love their children deeply, but the primary mistake many parents make is they fail to express their love. Many people are so immersed in the grief and difficulties entailed by the divorce that they rarely feel inclined to spend time with their children. Your children crave for your love especially after the divorce, when you happen to be the solitary parent. Speak positively with your children and encourage them constantly.

Your children need this extra attention for they might have joined a new school and, in all probability, you might have even shifted your residence. This change has effectively deprived them of friends. This is a difficult phase; help them handle this by developing their social skills and teaching them the value of building new friendships.

Finally, make proper financial arrangements so that the lifestyle of your child does not diminish.

Make Proper Financial Arrangements

Consult your solicitor and avail mediation services if required, but enter into a good financial settlement. Though the divorce would have tightened your purse strings, avoid lifestyle changes. Children suffer greatly when the standard of living gets reduced.

If you religiously follow these guidelines, you can minimise the impact of your divorce from traumatising your children. Though each individual case is unique, try never to argue with your children and keep your children constructively occupied. Shower them with lots of love.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com