Is Your Spouse having an Affair?

I am a marriage counselor by profession. My sole job is to talk people out of their decision to go in for a divorce. People come to me with all kinds of reasons. One of the most common reasons that my clients come up with is that of infidelity. They keep telling me all the time that their spouse does no longer deserves their love anymore. A breach of trust can never be pardoned.

I quite accept that an extramarital affair is quite unacceptable. You enter into a relationship with a man or a woman. But when you realize later that a third person has stepped into the space between you and your spouse, you are not willing to accept it by any means.

Whether you like it or not, it has happened. You don’t have an option but to face the reality. Let us do so with confidence.

Extramarital Relationships – the Victims

It so happens that both the couple becomes equal victims of the consequences of having an extramarital relationship. Both of them suffer from feelings of frustration and that one cannot escape from.

It so happens that the person who is involved in the extramarital relationship suffers from feelings of guilt, chaos and misdirection. The other partner suffers from feelings of low confidence and low self-esteem, which can prove to be equally fatal. If you would ask me if there is a way out of this, the answer to it will be a big “yes”.

A True Life Incident

I am a personal victim to this so called filth in the society called extramarital relationship. Yes, my father had a relationship outside marriage. The relationship was going behind the screens for quite a long time. Until one day, when all of us came to know about it.

My mother was shell shocked when she came to know about it. She did not quite know as to how to react to the situation. There were days she was weeping uncontrollably; there wasn’t a night that went off peacefully. She started behaving strangely; talking to herself. The baseline was that she was not able to accept the fact that she had been cheated for all that she had given to the relationship.

Our home lost its charm. There was no more laughter to be heard around. We all never sat together for lunch or dinner. Each one in the home sat in one corner to carry on with our work. Our home was shattered. I was still a teenager. I never knew how to react to this particular situation. I was not able to concentrate in my academics. I prayed with all sincerity for the All Almighty to restore those happy days of our home.

As if an answer to my prayer, the day came when my mother took a decision.

The Final Decision

Having explained you everything, I also need to tell you that though my father failed as a husband, he successfully discharged all his duties and responsibilities towards us.

At this point, my mother could have taken two decisions. Either, she could have walked out of the relationship and could have bid a final goodbye to my father. Or, taking us into consideration, she could have stayed along with him with a severe reprimand. There is no right or wrong in either of the decisions. It much depends on the ability of the affected individual to perceive things in the right perspective and keep continuing his life.

If you were to ask me on the decision that my mother had taken at this juncture, I much leave it to your own choice and imagination. But then I do have a message that I would want you to give a serious consideration. The greatest punishment that you can give to any individual even after knowing that he or she has committed a crime will be to severely reprimand and forgive him. By doing so, he is belittled in front of your magnanimity and will be your trusted slave for the rest of your life. Try it out and let me know. It works.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com