Why Women Initiate Divorce

It has been seen that women tend to be more concerned about their marriage than men. They buy most of the books on marriage to try to improve it and initiate most marriage counselling. They often get dissatisfied and disillusioned from their marriage and complain to their family and friends. It is, however, also a fact that they also file for divorce more than men.

As far as matrimony is concerned, till very recently, only men were bold enough to express their feelings and complained about untended needs and desires. They had more freedom and choice to walk out of a marriage through legal divorce or otherwise and set up a new home.

Women, on the other hand, were responsible for maintaining peace and serenity in a marriage. They had to nurture the family, fulfil all the husband’s needs and give in to his demands. They were the biggest losers in case of a divorce and, hence, were enforced to make compromises to save the marriage from splitting.

Marriage is a relationship where both the partners come on an equal platform and join together in a bond of mutual trust and respect. An open and truthful communication between the two ensures a smooth running family and encourages mental peace and happiness. This, however, did not hold true for most marriages in the past. Man’s word was the command and any voicing of opinion or disagreement by the wife was taken as a transgression.

Wives were rarely honest even to themselves. They felt the burden of guilt if they caused any disharmony or asserted their rights. The onus of maintaining peace and holding the family together was totally on them. The path of a ‘happy marriage’ was paved with a lot of pretence and false contentment. Compromise was the golden rule to a healthy and happy marriage strictly followed by the lady of the house.

The social conditions have undergone drastic metamorphosis since then. Divorce is no longer a social taboo and is looked upon and fought for as a civil right. Marriage is less sacrosanct and divorce is no longer the end of the world. Today’s woman has quit playing the victim and is on level footing as her partner. They are not forced to shed silent tears and can opt to get out of a dead relationship.

The main reason for more and more women opting for divorce is that it is now an option available to them. They can divorce without the social stigma. They are financially independent and have the power to run a family. There are also legal laws in their favour like ’no fault divorce, single parent custody, child support’ and so on.

As against popular belief and as has been protested by some religious organizations, women are not asking for divorce due to frivolous reasons. Favourable laws are not instigating women to ask for divorce. They are supporting women long contemplating the move.

Women are not initiating divorce on a whim. They are making this choice after carefully considering the larger context and factors relating to life while remaining married versus life after divorce. They are fully aware of the negative consequences of divorce on their life and on their children. They file for divorce when they see that life after separation is still preferable to staying married. The consequences of staying married are much worse than those of being divorced.

The only change that women’s emancipation has brought about is the freedom to value their opinion, exercise their right, and make a choice. The detrimental alternatives available to them after divorce have become more viable. They have become independent, self-confident and give more value to their individual freedom and happiness than earlier.

Hence, it is not surprising to find that the most common reasons women state while filing for divorce are an expression of their freedom and self-worth. The most commonly stated reason women give for leaving their husbands is “mental cruelty”. This involves husband’s being indifferent, failing to communicate and showing other forms of neglect.

The other reason cited for divorce is “neglect” itself. These include both emotional abandonment and physical abandonment. All forms of spousal neglect are far ahead of all the other reasons for divorce combined together for women initiating divorce. Other reasons include infidelity, domestic violence, and alcohol or drug abuse and so on.

Simply stated, women leave men when they are neglected. They want to be involved in all aspects of their husband’s lives, given attention and shown appreciation. How hard could that be?

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com