Working Through a Divorce

I don’t think that anyone that gets married plans on it ending in divorce. Yet over 35% of all marriages will end in divorce for one reason or another. Some studies show that figure closer to 50%. Whether it is 35% or 50% both are staggering and odds I don’t like to see unless I am playing the lottery.

So what do you do? To start with, if you are faced with divorce, you should know that you are not alone. Divorce tends to be a traumatic event that can have devastating effects on individuals and/or families. Don’t try to handle everything on your won. Reach out to family, friends, or professional counselors. Simply talking things out can have a healing effect. Often times we are faced with the question, “Why did this happen?” Early on in the divorce process this can be a question whose answer is hard to find but short of a disastrous or abusive relationship the answer will revolve around the party that chose to end the marriage and file for divorce. Often this is because that person is selfish and immature, lacking the tools to make a marriage work. Of course it takes two to fight and even make up but it only takes one to throw in the towel and quit.

No marriage or person for that matter is without their faults. Take the time to conduct a self examination and look for areas of improvement instead of pointing out your ex’s faults. Your time will be much better spent.

Taking the time to heal is very important. Without it you are setting yourself up to go down the same path. Often times a person who has gone through a divorce will experience the 5 cycles of the grief model.

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Deal with each phase as it comes, if you are not familiar with the grief model you can find a lot of good information through the Internet.

Remember you are not a failure because you are divorced or you failed at the marriage and it is not the unforgivable sin. Life does go on and things will improve over time. The more you seek out good counsel and refrain from bitterness and self pity the better off you will be.

Many times individuals that are recently divorced will look to starting new romantic relationships. Maybe your former spouse already has someone new, no matter the reason refrain from them. It will only slow down the healing process and could potentially make things worse down the road. If you think that a 35% to 50% divorce rate is bad it is more like 70% for second marriages. This is largely due to the fact that recently divorced individuals don’t take the time to heal and address the issues that contributed to the previous marriage failing. Being alone for awhile is not so bad especially if you know that the payoff in the end will be worth the wait and the loneliness does go away.

Jason is the author of WalkingTheChristianLife.com a site that offers resources and information on Christian Divorce Recovery from a personal perspective.