5 Things You Must Do to Heal from an Extra-Marital Affair

An affair can be devastating and often when we think of cheating spouses, we rarely think of women. But according to a cover story in Newsweek magazine, more and more women are having extra-marital affairs and the numbers keep rising. If you have had or are having an extra-marital affair and are confused about whether or not the relationship can be saved – the answer is it can, if you both want to save it.

1. You both see this as a wake-up call.

• A wake-up call means chop, chop – eyes open – no more hiding and pretending there are not issues and problems.
• BOTH of you have to take responsibility for moving forward, even though only one of you has cheated.
• Cheating is symptomatic of discontent and an unwillingness to deal with problems straight-on.
• Cheating is a cowardice way of behaving.

2. Acknowledge old hurts – Clear resentments.

• To move forward, old hurts must be acknowledged. Without this step, resentments continue to build.
• Cheating does not happen overnight – resentments have been there for some time. Recognize this and bring what is in darkness to light.

3. Realize your spouse deserves to know the truth.

• This does not include knowing all the details of the affair. Doing this only creates more hurt and resentment. There is no reason to know all the details; it will give you nothing.
• The truth is your feelings, not your excuses, as there is NEVER a valid excuse for cheating.

4. Accept responsibility for cheating and never do it again.

• Cheating is not a sexual crime but a crime of betrayal. We cheat our partner out of ever really trusting us again.
• Unless you experience great remorse for having cheated, you will do it again. Remorse comes from being able to fully take responsibility for your actions, acknowledge the pain you have inflicted on someone who trusted you, recognize it is bad character on your part – and vow never to do that again.

5. Stay together if both of you are ready to forgive and re-build.

• Unless your partner has the willingness to begin the process of forgiveness, this relationship can never heal.
• By the very same token, unless you are willing to change your behavior and behave with dignity and respect. This relationship can never be healed.