Being Discarded by the Narcissist

Being in love with a narcissist is a confusing state of affairs, to say the least. In the beginning, a narcissist makes you feel incredibly loved and valued. He appears to be head-over-heels in love with you and worships the ground you walk on. He writes you poetry, takes you out for romantic dinners, and finds all your little quirks endearing and adorable.

Once a narcissist feels he has obtained control of you (through marriage or moving in together), you will see a completely different side of him that you never knew existed. Narcissists have often been described as having a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. Once in control, a narcissist becomes demeaning and cruel.

Narcissists are oblivious to others and how their behavior affects people close to them. Unfortunately, this doesn't make their behavior any less hurtful. Narcissists dismiss the feelings, ideas, and opinions of others. They are condescending in their nature. They belittle, criticize, judge, and put others down. They can be blatant about it but are often quite subtle in their approach. They have a way of putting you down in such a way that you don't even realize you have been insulted until you reflect upon the conversation later.

While narcissists are oblivious to the fact that their behavior hurts others, it does not mean that at times, they are not deliberately abusive. A narcissist is purposefully abusive when the relationship with his significant other changes in a way that is not to his liking. An example of this would be when a significant other becomes too close or clingy. Intimacy terrifies a narcissist, and he will respond by being purposefully abusive in order to push the person away.

Another example of when a narcissist would be intentionally abusive is when a significant other voices her displeasure or threatens to leave the relationship. By asserting abusive behavior, a narcissist believes he can maintain his dominance and control over his significant other.

Listen to Lisa E. Scott at narcissist relationship where you can follow her on her weekly radio show - All About Him - building awareness on narcissism, offering advice on spotting a narcissist, and a support group call the Vain Forum, which is a message board and blog to help women get out of their narcissistic relationships that are holding them back.