International Marriage - Expect Negative First Impression

As we were dating in Japan, Eric said there was not much difference between Japan and Singapore. After I decided to marry him, I thought I had better visit Singapore to see with my own eyes what Singapore and his family were like.

On the Singapore Airline flight, I read the feature article on Singapore in the flight magazine and found the sights of town very exotic. Is this Singapore? Eric said that Singapore and Japan is not much different. Is it true?
A Warm Welcome - Singapore Style

At Changi Airport, only Eric welcomed me. Strange, I thought. A Japanese fiancée coming all the way from Japan and no family member showing interest!? I arrived at night and everything was dark outside when we took a taxi home. I began to feel afraid. Where am I? At Eric's terrace house only his parents were waiting for us. They were about my grandmother’s age. Half an hour later after our arrival, all Eric's sisters and their boy friends came back to the house. I later understood that they did not want to make me feel uneasy by meeting all the family members at one time and so they deliberately delayed coming back home to meet me. That was a little relief, knowing their true and “good” intention, but still I felt strange.

My first culture shock came when I found myself not able to communicate with Eric's parents. The father spoke Mandarin and the mother spoke only Hainanese. This was a shock to me as I thought I was a culturally adaptable, having lived alone in the States for many years

The second cultural shock came soon when I found the toilet adjacent to the kitchen area. This shock had a long lasting impact as every time we eat at the kitchen at his house I lost appetite quickly, being aware of the toilet location. If I could hear the flushing sound, that’s it. I would not eat any more!

Be Prepared For Tropical Living

But the most unbearing thing about Singapore in the initial period was the heat in the air. I could not stand the heat. I could not wear anything but cotton material no sleeve clothes only. This lasted a couple of years. I told myself no way I would wear polyester clothes which Singaporeans liked. All I wore in those initial years were either from Japan or hand made in cotton. I could not wear ready made clothes.

That first night, in Singapore, I stayed awake a whole night. Early in the morning, I heard a rooster crow. Yes, there were roosters crowing in Japan. But I was a city girl, I didn’t grow up with the roosters. I looked out of the window and saw an Indian man riding a bicycle. It was exotic, all right. But that was not what I had expected.

At the end of 3-week stay in my first visit to Singapore, I told Eric that I wanted to cancel the whole thing as I did not like Singapore. These initial cultural shocks were so great that it took me some time to open myself to Singapore, especially to Eric’s family. I knew their good hearts, yet, this feeling that they would never understand that I am Japanese persisted for many years.

Yumiko Lee is founder of Japan hiWays. Born in Fukuoka, Japan, Yumiko married Eric Lee in 1984 and has since been staying in Singapore teaching Japanese with regular Japan Immersion Program for students and working adults. She provides information and news on Japanese Language and Japanese Translation.