Our Marriage Would Be Better if My Spouse Would Change

In many marriages, couples believe that there are two ways of looking at things. a) Their way – ‘which is the right way’ b) Their spouse’s way. Even though the marriage may have began with the view that there are many possible solutions to a situation; some where along the way, couples battle to have their partners point of view seen as the wrong way.

The most common cause for this is because the individuals are seeking to define the marriage i.e. do it my way and things will work, do it your way and it won’t.

At this stage, each spouse has a difficult time understanding why their spouse is so adamant about their point of view. They wonder why their mate is being spiteful, stubborn or controlling. Over a period of time, this attitude can take a toll on the relationship. Frustration, hurt and anger may set in. Because of the fear of losing, or being seen as the weaker partner, little or no attempt is made to see the other person’s point of view.

When it gets to this, a lot of people reach a cross road in their marriage. They are frustrated and hurt because their lives seem not to be going anywhere. There seem to be multiple confrontations. This results in one of 3 choices being made:

1) They give up---- Saying that they have tried everything. Its not working. They convince themselves that they have either fallen out of love or married the wrong person. Divorce appears to be the only solution.

2) They lead separate lives---Which usually leads to living unhappily for
quite some time.

3) They work to overcome the challenge---They develop ways to interact and understand each other better. They settle on some medium ground or make compromises when making decisions.

Those who embark on the latter are the fortunate ones, because the bond between them grows stronger and stronger and they continue to enjoy years of marital bliss.