Relationship Problems - Control - To Live and let Live!

When you were young and your heart was an open book, you used to say, "Live and let live" (You know you did, you know you did, you know you did.) What does it matter to you, when you've got a job to do, you got to do it well! (Paul McCartney)

For your heart to be an open book, you must love yourself. And when it comes to a relationship, the job you've got to and do well is one in the same. Suddenly, when we are at peace with ourselves and have embraced self-love, we truly can live and let live. On the other hand, when we struggle with fear and insecurity, we often attempt to control our partner and fail to live and let live. You're not living your life, and nor are you allowing them to live theirs. The idea of a great relationship is to share your life with someone, not control theirs. Controlling someone, no matter the degree, is always rooted in fear. And, when it comes to relationship problems the culprit is usually a fear of abandonment. Let's take pause for a moment because I would like to ask you a serious question. What are you in control of, really? If you think about it, couldn't all of your material possessions, friends and family be whisked away in the blink of an eye? So, what do you own and what exactly are you in control of? Well, aside from your own mind and thoughts virtually nothing! Yet, when fear of abandonment is present in a relationship, most try to control their partners every step. Do you often find yourself in character, assuming the role of Dick Tracy, to ascertain your partner's whereabouts, associations and activities? Do you snoop around in his coat pockets, cell phone and email account? This type of behavior, may temporarily alleviate your anxiety, however, it will eventually manifest your worst fear. Yes, abandonment!

The rock solid foundation for every relationship begins with self-love. First, build a bridge to your own heart and others will follow. Love is giving in a relationship, but only when you can give it to yourself first. When you get right down to brass tacks, you can't control, manipulate or coerce anyone successfully. Even if you get them to submit, ultimately, the will rebel and withdraw. If you want your partner to spend more time with you and be more attentive to your needs, you must attract that behavior. The more you try and control or force the desired result, the more it will elude you.

To overcome your fear of abandonment and controlling behavior, you must stop abandoning yourself, and you must embrace self-love. Bottom line, if you are willing to embark on a path of personal growth and evolution, your partner will naturally gravitate to you because strength, self-confidence and self-love are qualities that are truly irresistible.
Regards,

David Roppo
The Relationship Rehab Coach

saving a relationship