The Effects Of Blaming In Marriages And How Counseling Helps

Most couples expect a blissful life because they are together. When something goes wrong, the partner is blamed for it. Relationships can end easily with this sort of thinking.

The partner is expected to make things better. But the partners themselves make excuses about their own behavior based on the other's behaviors. Both eventually believe they are personally innocent, and the other had caused the rift.

Can a therapist do anything about this type of couple? According to him, "I slept with another woman because you are no longer interested in sex".From her perspective, "I don't want to have the type of emotionless and loveless sex you want"

This exchange of "you, you" becomes a regular game. It continues to the point of emotionally and physically exhausting the couple. Finally, the couple decide to go for counseling.

As a therapist, these are some things that can be done. It suffices to remind them about what a healthy marriage looks like:

? Both couple tries not to hurt the other. If I am hurt by words or actions of my partner, I chose to upset myself. Couples can chose not to be hurt by little things.
? You deserve each other if you have been together for three months or more. Both of you play your part in your marital troubles.
? Your partner cannot change you and vice versa. If your partner doesn't listen to your suggestions, stop trying. Do your part and do your best.
? There is no win/lose when one partner wants to prove they are right, it always ends up in lose/lose.

This game of "you, you" makes your partner helpless. If you succumb to the blaming, you are letting your partner have more power over your feelings than even you.

If this goes on, the relationship will turn into a parent-child relationship where the child's feelings can get hurt easily and the parent must always be cautious.

Or even worst, its more like two children playing "grown-ups" and pretending to have a relationship.