Your love is my drug - Relationship Problems

I'm looking down every alley. I'm makin' those desperate calls. I'm staying up all night hoping, hittin' my head against the wall! Because your love, your love, your love is my drug! And, so goes the recent, popular song by the artist Kesha!

The other day, when I was listening to the lyrics of Kesha's song, I suddenly realized how closely her message paralleled a common relationship issue. So, I felt compelled to write an article on the subject. Obviously, the lyrics denote someone that is addicted to or co-dependent upon the love of another. And while that is the extreme range of this dynamic, I'd like to focus on the more common form, which I call self-love displacement. As a relationship coach, I have witnessed countless folks attempt to fill a void of self-love with the love of another. In other words, the individual attempts to find happiness and love in another because those qualities are absent within him or herself. This is the equivalent of building a house of cards on shaky ground! Sure, at first glance, most appear to be successful in their love endeavors. However, it always ends disastrously! Sooner or later, their partner grows weary of filling the void and withdraws from the relationship or worse commits infidelity. If you don't love yourself, your partner will grow tired of having to compensate for your inadequacies. Think about it! Your partner's faced with quite an undertaking - one that's impossible to sustain. Basically, he or she must love themselves, love you, and provide the extra love you need to fill the absence of self-love. A relationship flows magically when both partners can first love themselves independently and, second, when they can share that self-love congruently.
Therefore, the rock solid foundation for every magical relationship is self-love!

At this point, you may be wondering what causes self-love displacement. Well, quite simply, fears, insecurities and negative self-limiting beliefs. Generally speaking, most folks are not aware of this. And unknowingly, they forge ahead with the preconceived notion that their life will be completed by finding their soul mate. Let's get something straight! If you are not complete as a person standing alone, no one else will ever be able to do the job! To quote Billy Preston, "Nothin'from nothin' leaves nothin'. You gotta have somethin' if you wanna be with me!
Good luck and great love!

The Relationship Rehab Coach
David Roppo