Spit, Urine and Dung

On a cruise ship not long ago, a fellow passenger asked out of the blue, "How's that fence between the US and Mexico coming?" It was apparent this fellow was of Spanish decent.

I replied, "Oh, it's coming along just fine. We expect it'll be a real inconvenience for hundreds of animals like jack rabbits, coyotes, and wild burros. The US Chamber of Commerce hasn't said exactly where they're going to put the holes and ladders so their employees can pass, but I feel reasonably sure they'll put them in convenient places."

The stranger smiled, "Well, your news guy Lou Dobbs sure beats that drum a lot. Does he actually believe this fence is going to make a difference?"

This time I smiled, "Are you kidding? Lou Dobbs, like Rush Limbaugh, is paid to stir the pot. Limbaugh plans his stuff around the far right idiots and Dobbs beats his drum for the Independent idiots. Dobbs is more arrogant and opinionated than George W. Bush, if that's possible. He backs no one simply because no one is worthy of his endorsement. I watch CNN because of Jack McCafferty. Dobbs can't conduct an interview because of his love of his own voice. I'd like to buy Dobbs for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth."

My new friend asked without smiling, "Do you think the people of the United States are ready for germ warfare?"

I answered without smiling, "The Americans are not ready to deal with a hive of killer bees. Americans are brainwashed by the military-industrial complex. They're told that missiles, jet fighters, and aircraft carriers will keep them safe. Even after the invasion of sixteen guys with box cutters, Americans overwhelmingly gave their approval for the number one arms dealer in the world, the Department of Defense, to invade Iraq. Then these brainwashed fools fill their stomachs with pills made by their archenemy Communist China."

This well dressed, well spoken man then told me what he'd wanted to tell me all along, "I love it the way Americans curse Mexican-Americans and illegal aliens at the dinner table while gobbling up food that our people grew for them in the fields of the US and Mexico. American doctors and morticians should cut us in on some of the profits. And eating in a restaurant where our people work guarantees that one is eating Mexican spit, urine and dung. After Mr. Dobbs gets his fence built, I'm sure other ingredients will slowly work their way into our culinary efforts for our North Americano brethren."