Signs of committed relationship

Typically each of us has a need to become clear about what we want. This applies to everything, from things that are useful to feelings that are uncomfortable. The puzzle is to know how to achieve that clarity and then to find the answers to questions.
The 7 Words System offers a simple intuitive method that enables us to reach a much better sense of what exactly we are looking for. It begins with the word No. We need firstly to define exactly what we don’t want, what is not useful, before we can know what we do want.
The second stage relates to the word Hello. We need to open up to new possibilities if we are to expand our possibilities of solutions to problems. We surely know that? To get something new we will need to stretch our horizons and look where we have not previously looked before. New ideas, new people, new places and new things are all aspects of giving attention to something we’ve not previously experienced. It requires that we exchange old for new, that we have something to offer in fair return for what we want to get.
Among all available options, some are more attractive than others and we give them a higher value, because we appreciate them more. This is explained by the primary word Thanks. So often, we forget the importance of what we have, slip into ingratitude and are likely to take things for granted. It’s more than just a courtesy to show our appreciation for things we value; it has a significant effect in helping us to achieve our goals. Psychologically we are attracted to what we express gratitude for, and yet it’s equally true to say that we are able to attract them to us too. We develop magnetism when we say Thanks and therefore, in doing this, we effortlessly bring things to us.
Goodbye is one of the seven primary words and relates to a process that has four stages. They are: realization, decision, completion and moving on. What we are saying Goodbye to is a particular stage of development, which could be seen simply as total rejection of a possible path of action that we had been moving towards and in future will not pursue. It is a crossroad point in our choice of possible futures. Goodbye is different from No in that it implies that we have had involvement already, which now needs to end—compared to No’s refusal to become involved in the first place. True decisions cut the past away entirely and that incisiveness creates an opening that otherwise does not appear.
The future unfolds according to the habits of the past unless we take control of it and bend it to our desire. To do this requires us to have a vision of how we want it to be; this vision has to be very clear, specific and optimistic—and converted into intention. They differ don’t they—vision and intention? The first is rather dreamlike and the second is much more focused and willful. For a vision to become real there must be cooperation. Nothing can be done without winning the help of others—this takes skill, probably persuasion, even inspiration. It is not always necessary to offer something such as money or money’s worth.
Sorry, the sixth word, is best seen as repairing damage done because we’ve been insensitive or heedless to the needs or wants of someone else. The best plan is to make sure we avoid the need to say it by being considerate in advance. Why on earth should we? Well it’s because anyone we upset may well act against us and reduce our chances of success, so it is simply more sensible to think of others as well as ourselves. It is all to do with being responsible, having some feelings for anyone we’ve upset and making amends when we’ve done wrong. Only then is it possible to avoid or repair resentment and release the permanent unpleasantness that otherwise would grow and fester.
The final stage of our 7 Words model is to do with acceptance; there are times when we simply have to accept what we cannot change. The word is Yes. It would be lovely wouldn’t it if we were able to make the world exactly the way we envision it—but in fact we can’t. We always need to take what comes, and to take what is not exactly what we asked for. The best thing is to trust that everything eventually turns around to our advantage, that the modifications to our plans are all improvements when seen in the perspective of the longer term. Surely it’s not easy to see it when we are still close and attached to our desires—of course not! Yet wait a bit and you’ll see that the unlooked-for occurrences, the surprises and disappointments are actually the best bits disguised as misfortune.

© James Burgess 2008