9 Things Every Mother of the Bride Need to Know

9 Things a Mother of the Bride Should Know

If you are the mother of the bride, you may be wondering….what are my responsibilities and how far can I go? Can I make suggestions or run the show? If you are among the 30% of parents who flip the entire bill for the wedding, you might feel that you have 100% of the voice. If you are one of 15% who share the cost with the couple, you may be thinking you have some say. Or, maybe you're in the 32% who don’t contribute financially, you may want to offer suggestions, but feel you have no voice. Whether you are throwing an all expense paid extravagant and luxurious wedding for the engaged couple or doing your part in offering help instead of financial assistance, there is a universal responsibility for the mother of the bride.

The primary responsibility for the mother of the bride is to see that the bride’s wishes are adhered to and carried out. Keep in mind; this is not your event. The bride chooses what she likes most and you see to it that she gets it.

Let’s take a gander at your primary responsibilities:

1. The most important task in planning a wedding is deciding on a budget. If you are contributing financially, this is the first thing to do. Have a meeting with the couple and set the ground rules for the absolute highest amount you can go. The amount you present to the couple should be 10-20% less than your actual maximum. This gives you an opportunity to save a little cash or in case of an over-budget occurrence, you are actually well within budget.

2. Assist the bride in choosing her wedding attire. It is okay to give suggestions for wedding party favors and wedding party gifts, but, leave these options for the couple to make a decision on. If you find that your ‘suggestions’ have turned into demands, you may want to step back a bit and let the bride make her wedding her way.

3. Contact the mother of the bride if she hasn’t contacted you first.

4. Once the budget is set, assist in putting together a guest list. See to it that the invitations are ordered as soon as possible.

5. Once the bride has finalized a color, choose your gown for the wedding day. Contact the mother of the groom to inform her of the color or theme. A suggestion is to meet over brunch to exchange a swatch of material. This is a good way to break the ice before the wedding day.

6. Out-of-town guests who are invited by the bride’s family are the responsibility of the mother of the bride. Make sure all reservations are made. It is a good idea to reserve a block of rooms at a hotel near the home or location of the wedding. It would be inconvenient to reserve rooms at a hotel outside of the area unless it’s the guests’ suggestions.

7. Before the wedding day, work closely with the wedding coordinator/planner to be sure the instructions for the ceremony is understood and can be performed. This includes, seating arrangements, receiving line, entrance/exit of the wedding party and guests.

8. In the actual ceremony, your responsibility is to follow your escort, or give your bride away along with her father if she chooses this ritual. This may also include the lighting of the family candles along with the mother of the groom. This is generally done prior to the entrance of the wedding party.

9. At the reception, your responsibility is to sit back, relax and have a great time!

The best way to describe your role is ‘assistant’ to the bride. You may want to meet with the Maid of Honor to be sure that your assistance is not overbearing her responsibilities. Don’t stress yourself and take on all the responsibilities. Be sure to let the bride know what tasks you will take and your plans in carrying them out. Be mindful of her wishes, however. If she delegates tasks to others that you feel you have the ultimate responsibility to overtake, just let her delegate. In the end, you may find that less work is in your favor.

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