Florida: does it need to be there?

Upon mention of Florida, an outsider will immediately envision gleaming, voluptuous youthful bodies, strewn across a white sand beach, or rollerbladers, gliding effortlessly along beachfront catwalks. Don’t be fooled, the place is filled with types that involve themselves in every kind of questionable pastime. It is after all America, the land of the free, or the land of the nutcracker whom will craft a career from any bizarre niche vocation, even if it involves throwing on a full suit of medieval armour, and swinging a mace at someone on a horse.

Not to worry though, there are plenty pursuits worthy of any individual who is bored enough to leave their hometown to come in search of so called greener pastures – well, the pastures are quite green, but don’t let that hinder my deconstructive oratory. So do not despair, I have thrown together a list of things you’ve told yourself you might enjoy, if you just got out once in a blue moon.

If ever in Central Florida, a must is to visit the west coast park, Busch Gardens/Tampa Bay. They’ve mentioned a combination of exhilarating rides and zoological habitats. Gatorland cannot be left out, as it is the “Gator capital” of the world. There is Green Meadows farm – for anyone who necessitates milking cows on the standard family outing. Don’t miss the Kennedy space center if you have fantasies about space travel and aliens and generally fit into the science fiction nerd class of society. I thought it was conjured fiction from the writers of “the cable guy”, but there actually is a ‘medieval times - dinner and tournament’, where people watch jousting matches between insane macho men with an inclination for agony. The Ripley’s believe it or not museum is another “attraction”, although many will be seen fleeing in the other direction once they’ve witnessed the horrors within. Stop by the Salvador Dali museum - that is if you appreciate staring at obscure paintings until lightheaded. Those who believe they should have been born with gills, be sure to visit Wet & wild, a place where your kids can slide down a watery half pipe. ‘A world of Orchids’: this sounds like it could be interesting, as orchids strange shapes explain in a Darwinian fashion how flowers evolve to con insects into pollinating them, if you’re a Christian who doesn’t understand evolution theory, don’t bother to go. One must not ever forget the grand and wonderful Disneyland, Whom we can thank for perpetuating the exhibition of cutesy animated buffoons, who seem to be designed to annoy mankind for an unforeseen eternity.

So, is this enough to go on, enough opportunity to prove that heavily sunburned skin is ok if you could bring back photo’s to magnetize to your refrigerator and bore your family with? Ok then I can stop my groundless slander of a Perfectly Beautiful Holiday Destination.

Dylan Brent wrote this article for the online marketers at Travel Your Way (Specials).