Before It’s Too Late: Deathbed Conversations with Dad

Irvine, CA – When it comes to kids gauging the moods of their Dads, most children hone their skills by reading their father’s temperament after he arrives home from work. Since he is an imposing figure, Dad’s negative disposition can easily hinder his child’s ability to interact with him. As a result, the lack of meaningful early communication can spill over into adulthood, leaving grown children with unresolved “daddy issues.”

“My father was the ‘strong and silent’ type,” reveals Louise Lewis, author of “No Experts Needed: The Meaning of Life According to You!” She adds, “With an emphasis on the ‘silent.’ That is, until he exploded in anger.” As with many children, Dad was more of a stranger than Mom for the majority of Lewis’ life. “I feared him. I obeyed him. I loved him; but I didn’t know him.”

With the passing of time, aging Fathers have a tendency to mellow. This creates an opportunity for their child to become more comfortable speaking candidly while sharing a conversation Dad. “When my daddy aged and began to soften, my defenses dropped because I feared him less,” remembers Lewis, who – after losing her job due to the dotcom implosion – spent five years on a Spirit-led journey to discover the meaning of life.

Many sons and daughters are able to forgive their fathers for perceived childhood wrongs once they see him as a normal human being who did the best he could raising them. “It wasn’t until I saw Daddy as an old man suddenly preparing for his own death that I was able to summon the strength to confront Daddy openly, honestly and lovingly,” tells Lewis.

Sensing the end might be near, and living halfway across the country from her parents, Lewis chose to live with “no regrets.” She encouraged a dialogue with her father, one that is usually reserved for someone’s very last days. “I wanted to have the deathbed conversation right then and there in case he got sick quickly and I couldn’t get home in time.” According to Lewis, “timing is everything” when initiating a discussion of this magnitude, but “you don’t have to wait decades before having it.”

Once she and her father had the frank talk, Lewis says, “All the childhood wounds were instantly healed. All the pain dissolved.” She adds, “Never before had my heart felt so open and full of love than in that moment with Daddy.” This leads her to wonder: If a grown child and their father still have issues, why wait so long in life to resolve them? In some cases, death will precede the needed deathbed conversation leaving the wounds that much harder to heal.

“There might not be a tomorrow,” warns Lewis, whose father passed months later. “Knowing that I had already said the things that needed to be said actually helped a great deal during the grieving process.” Nothing was left unsaid, hence, leaving no room for regrets.

Lewis believes having the deathbed conversation not only eased her Dad’s mind during his passing, but also helped to deal with her other relationships. “I needed to get to a better place with Daddy because I knew in the end, I would be left with the memory of my role in that relationship.” She adds, “The earlier the better.” Having a deathbed conversation – which tends to be open, honest and full of love and forgiveness – in a scenario not clouded by a pending death, can enhance the father/child relationship for the remaining years of everyone’s lives.

About the Author

Louise Lewis has two decades of experience in marketing and advertising in the high-tech industry. When the dot-com bubble imploded, so did Lewis’ cozy world. Her sudden job loss led her on a journey to seek out a new meaning in her life. She discovered some core truths that can help others discover their own sense of purpose.

Born and raised in Louisiana, Lewis earned her bachelor’s degree in Communications at California State University in Fullerton. She still lives in Southern California and serves as a volunteer at Children’s Hospital of Orange County.

Lewis is the author of “No Experts Needed: The Meaning of Life According to You!” and is online at www.NoExpertsNeeded.com.