Problems related to relocating with children after Divorce

The Statistics

Results of studies conducted separately among families in Scotland and Wales show that depression is 15% more among boys with a single parent than a family where both parents are present. The rate is slightly higher among girls. Drop-out, drug abuse, vandalism are all higher where one parent has not kept in touch. It has also been established that relocation has caused a major financial strain on women who have won the custody of the children. The most common reasons for relocation are love affairs, career prospects, and the wish to shift to another place after divorce. Nutritional deficiency rates are also high among young children who have had to relocate with a single parent, and are under financial strain.

Initial Points

The decision to relocate has legal as well as the other implications. To begin with, the parent who wishes to move has to file an application. There is also the need to obtain a formal consent from the other partner. Next, the court will check whether the person concerned has the mental, economic and physical solvency to support and rear children. There is also the factor of distance, which has to be agreed upon. It will be taken into account whether the child has any preferences, or a better rapport with one parent. For an infant, the presence of the mother may be necessary. The court has the best interests of the child in mind, and will act accordingly. Another important factor is the location itself. The area where the family is relocating should have educational, medical and other infrastructural facilities required for a healthy upbringing. In the case of overseas relocation, the process is much more complex and time-consuming.

Beyond the Facts

But the real trauma is what lies beyond the dry enumeration of these facts and regulations. The first problem faced by the parent about to relocate comes from the other partner. Obviously, it is a period of acute emotional crisis. Care should be taken to see that this does not trouble the children further. But the strain and heartbreak cannot be avoided, and the only way out is to try and ease the pain. The parent, who is now the custodian, must try to keep away from wallowing in a stupor of self-blame and self-pity. It is easier said than done, but these are the moments when you need to realise the responsibility of being a parent.

The next hurdle is settling down in a new locality. Your child may resent the way he or she has been uprooted from school and friends, and you have to be patient while tackling this. Please ensure that in the rush of taking care of your career, you have managed to choose a proper environment for your child.

The final hurdle is fixing up ‘family time’. Visitation details have to be chalked out in detail because your divorce cannot be a reason to deprive another person of the normal joys of childhood.

Location Research

So shake yourself out of the misery, and try to get into action. Though rational thinking does not come easily to a man or woman undergoing a painful divorce, and then the trouble of relocation with dependant children, it is the need of the hour. The points listed below are meant to help you get more organised with the relocation.

1. School: Once you have listed the nearby schools, do a research on the internet, ask educational counsellors, and seek the opinion of the neighbours. By the way, please carry a notepad when you visit the schools yourself – it’s an incredibly small matter that everyone forgets.
2. Daycare: For young children, there should be adequate provision of quality day care, either close to home or en route to your work place.
3. Pre-visit: Check out the area – where is the nearest supermarket, local stores, entertainment available in that area, parks for children, and last but not least, your future neighbours. Basic amenities and medical facilities, both of these factors are of prime importance where children are concerned.

Once you have everything in place, it will be time to call the movers. Yes, it is a rough patch, but keep your chin up; the sun will shine again.

About the Author

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information on how to get a Quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

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