Can We Talk? i Want Divorce!





Whatever the reason, you feel that you have put up with the mental / physical torture long enough and your spouse is not willing to make amends. You feel that the longer you stay in this marriage, the more the damage, to your freedom and sanity. You have to leave, before it is too late. You want to leave, now.

You wish to flee, but you cannot allow that desire to fully express itself in the shape of negative words or inconsiderate action. Many a time, the immediate pre-divorce happenings, take on the character of a war zone. You can peacefully part ways.

Recognise the Problem: Analyse the reason why you feel the need to part ways and why there is no room for any adjustment or manoeuvring, any more. Only this analysis can give you an insight into the severity of the problem and the manner of presenting it to your spouse. It allows for clarity in stating the problem and can justify the split, without the guilt.

Gently Discuss the Situation and the Remedy: The spouse who is seeking the divorce, in a rush to break free, forgets the fact that the other person is a human being swayed by emotions. A blunt abrupt statement of your intentions cannot be grasped, until it is explained in detail. That requires patience and gentleness.

Be Prepared: When you manage to gently put it across, reactions can vary from plain relief, mild tremors or 7.1 magnitude earthquakes. Shocked and angered ‘How can you do this to me, I don’t deserve this, after all that I have done for you?’ is a common feeling. Be in control and word your communication properly. Do not accuse the other and do not expect your partner to comply with the proposal even if gently worded.

Relax; Rome wasn’t Destroyed in a Day: Do not let anger gain the upper hand during this process of communication. Coax your partner into the process and do not pressurise with words that suggest compliance of demands. Give your spouse the time to get into your shoes and don the thinking cap.

Just like how a caring, courting lover chooses the proper setting for proposing to his love, the background props for discussing the break-up should be conducive for peaceful negotiation.



Now that you have voiced the unspeakable and your spouse is trying to comprehend the enormity of your words, remain calm and ensure that you calm the other person down. Reassure your spouse that you have analysed the problem and that it is best to solve it this way. Let the other person know that you understand the hurt and his or her feelings. Make your spouse understand that this is not what you wished for and that it is not easy for you too.

Convince your partner and your children that you are not opposed to remaining as friends and that you can be relied upon for help. Softly and jointly inform the children about the mutual decision to divorce and the reason for it. Assure them that this arrangement only involves a physical distance between the two of you and that their welfare matters to both of you. The children should comprehend that the divorce is a mutually accepted decision and not a one-sided getaway.

You have had a share in the reason for divorce, either by planting the seed of the reason or by being a mute spectator to its growth. Own up to the fact that you have also got a fair share in the blame. Your thoughts and speech towards your family must reflect this fairness. Let it not stop there. Put in the effort to show that you have taken the divorce in a positive manner and that you can remain friendly towards each other.

Your actions count, more than your words. Life can go on.








About the Author

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com


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